11 things you need to know before dating a girl from Bournemouth

1. You can ascertain her age by asking how she refers to clubs in town. 'Circo and Elements', or 'The Cage and Zoo'? 'The Opera House' or 'O2 Academy'? Or 'Boscombe Ballrooms' if you're really ancient (er, sorry Mum).  

2. At some point in her life, she probably worked at JPMorgan Chase, Liverpool Victoria or Nationwide. Or dated somebody who has. It's just basic probability.

3. Forget Christian Bale or Alex James (both former Bournemouth residents thankyouverymuch) the biggest celebrity in town is….Gordon the Tramp. Yes really. How does he always know the time, without a watch or phone? Mind-boggling mental.  

4. Football fan or not, she'll take huge delight in telling you that AFC Bournemouth are finally in the Premier League for the first time ever. YES. All hail The Cherries!

5. She probably did the Westover circuit when she passed her driving test. Or parked in the dip-down car parks on Southbourne Cliffs and smoked her first fag. It's a noble rite of passage. 

6. Same goes for drinking cider in Bournemouth Gardens, or a park bench in Boscombe when she didn't get into The Opera House. Glamorous, right? 

7. Bournemouth Air Festival watching the Red Arrows in summer? German Market in December? Dates that are permanently etched onto a Bournemouth girl's brain - mark them in your calendar pronto, because you'll be going too, mate. 

8. She'll get riled up when you say Bournemouth is for 'stag parties' or 'old people'. The nightlife is great, actually. Call it 'Boringmouth' at your peril...

9. As soon as the sun's even vaguely 'out' (read cloudy, probably raining) you'll be dragged to the beach - seven glorious miles of it. Did you know Bournemouth was the first place in the UK to have purpose-built beach huts? Or that beach huts at Mudeford can sell for an eye-watering £270,000? Start saving now, yeah....?

10. She also won't like it when you mention the ill-fated Imax. Neither will her family or friends. Never mention the Imax. Or Boscombe's Surf Reef actually. Let us never speak of them again. 

11. When she goes out, she goes OUT OUT. No we can't be ready in five minutes, Friday night in Bournemouth = A Really Big Deal. You have been warned....

Sophie Goddard

Features Editor

I’m Cosmo's Acting Features Editor. I love stripes and lipstick. But please don't talk to me about needles (I'm a fainter).