110 funniest 'What do you call?' jokes that are actually hilarious

Look, you’re never too old for a good old fashioned joke. And “What do you call?” can actually end up being a bit more interesting than the classic “Knock, knock” or one-liners.

So, if you’re been stuck lobbed - sorry, having fun - with your friends' kids or you’re on a night out with your mates and someone needs a bit of cheering up, then look no further than 110 of the best “What do you call” jokes. Yes, there are really that many out there and yes, some actually did make us chuckle aloud.

Granted, some are a bit cringe, but there’s certain to be one or two you hadn’t actually thought of, your friends may not even get or that will at least have you crack a smirk.

Go on… Take a peak. We know you secretly want to. And some might actually make you think.

• What do you call a woman who sets fire to her gas bill? Bernadette.
• What do you call an Irish woman with one leg? Eileen.
• What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.
• What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas.
• What do you call a computer mouse that swears? A cursor.
• What do you call a man in a slow-cooker? Stu.
• What do you call a superhero with no sense of direction? Wander woman.
• What do you call a £1,000 door? A grand entrance.
• What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea? Denis.
• What do you call a dad joke you made up yourself? Home groan.
• What do you call a farm that grows bad jokes? Corny.
• What do you call a dead musician? A decomposer.
• What do you call your average ancient Greek? Mediocrates.
• What do you call a man who lives in an envelope? Bill.
• What do you call something that runs but never gets anywhere? A washing machine.
• What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally? Sheer luck Holmes.
• What do you call the security guards outside the Samsung factory? The Guardians of the Galaxy.
• What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship.
• What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot? A cellfie.
• What do you call a factory that manufactures products that are just okay? A satisfactory.
• What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree? A branch manager.
• What do you call something you can serve, but never eat? A volleyball.
• What did the alien say to the gardener? Take me to your weeder.
• What do you call the month that soldiers hate most? March.
• What do you call x-rays taken by a dentist? Tooth pics.
• What do you call a computer that sings? A-dell.
• What do you call an argument between two electricity companies? A power struggle.
• What do you call something that is mostly on the ground, but is never dirty? A shadow.
• What do you call a paddle sale at the marina? An oar deal.
• What do you call a man who used to love tractors? An extractor fan.

• What do you call a woman sunbathing on the beach? Sandy.
• What do you call a woman with two toilets in her house? Lulu.
• What do you call a French dude in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
• What do you call a man with no feet? Neil.
• What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
• What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
• What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms and no legs? Bob.
• What do you call a woman standing between two goalposts? Annette
• What do you call a man with paper trousers? Russel.
• What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance? Nina.
• What do you call a short mother? A minimum.
• What do you call a guy pouring water into a glass? Phil
• What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate? Spruce Lee.
• What do you call someone who never passes gas in public? A private tutor.
• What do you call a policeman in bed? An undercover cop.
• What do you call the shoes that all spies wear? Sneakers.
• What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
• What do you call a cute door? Adorable.
• What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer.
• What do you call a blunt pencil? Pointless.
• What do you call an annoying reindeer? Rude-olph.
• What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch on it? A waste of time.
• What do you call an alien with three eyes? Aliiien.
• What do you call a dead pine tree? A nevergreen.

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
• What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel.
• What do you call an M&M that went to school? A smarty.
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• What do you call a cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese.
• What do you call a hotel breakfast that gives you diarrhoea? Inocontinental.
• What do you call milk that gets anything it wants? Spoiled milk.
• What do you call the process a cucumber goes through to become a pickle? A jarring experience.
• What do you call a piece of sad cheese? Blue cheese.

• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
• What do you call a man with a lion in each pocket? Den.
• What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
• What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
• What do you call a group of nervous dinosaurs? Nervous rex.
• What do you call a cow on a trampoline? Milk shake.
• What do you call 100 sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide.
• What do you call a big pile of cats? A meowntain.
• What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter. An irrelephant.
• What do you call a dancing lamb? A baaaa-llerina.
• What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? Maybe.
• What do you call a deer that only costs a dollar? A buck.
• What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy.
• What do you call a camel with no hump? Humphrey.
• What do you call a bear with no socks? Barefoot.
• What do you call a floating dog? A good buoy.
• What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts? A hobby horse.
• What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore.
• What do you call people who take care of chickens? Chicken tenders.
• What do you call a snail aboard a ship? A snailor.
• What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.
• What do you call a dinosaur fart? A blast from the past.
• What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.
• What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
• What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hair line!
• What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
• What do you call a hippo without a butt? A hippo-bottomless.
• What do you call an aardvark that is three feet long? A yardvark.
• What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neighbor.
• What do you call a painting of a cat? A paw-trait.
• What do you call an ant who will stay forever? Perman-ant.
• What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A moosician.
• What do you call an ox with a big bum? Big buttocks.
• What do you call an alligator wearing a vet? An investigator.
• What do you call a dinosaur that isn’t interesting? A dinobore.
• What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out.
• What do you call a seagull that flies over a bay? A bagel.
• What do you call a pig who is also a thief? A hamburglar.
• What do you call two octopuses that look exactly the same? Itenticle.
• What do you call an untidy hippo? A hippopota-mess.
• What do you call a musical insect? A humbug.
• What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
• What do you call a bear who’s completed a course? A koalified bear.
• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear
• What do you call a vlogging sheep? A Ewe-tuber.

Yes, we did even think up that last one ourselves. You're welcome.

Poppy Bilderbeck

Freelance Writer

Poppy Bilderbeck is a London-based freelance writer, formerly a senior journalist at LADbible Group. She specialises in writing about topics many find taboo from death to sex parties. Alongside championing mental health awareness, she loves to natter about all things TV and film too. Since taking the plunge into freelancing in January she’s been lucky enough to write for The Times, Cosmopolitan UK, Daily Express, FOODbible and Tyla. When she’s not bashing her keyboard with a ferocity branded as ‘slightly alarming’ by a former co-worker or chatting with Viggo Mortensen or Sherwood Brown - a man who survived death row for 23 years - you can find her performing spoken word poetry, acting herself or working with some amazing charities such as Words Matter and the Raphael Rowe Foundation.