The world is full of batshit-crazy swimsuits, but unless your name is Kardashian or Jenner, you've probably never worn one of these weird spandex body slings IRL. You've thought about it — the awkward tan lines, the wedgies, the underboob — but that's about as far as you've gone. And that's fine. These five women stepped outside of their comfort zones and tried on some of the weirdest swimsuits the internet has to offer. They did it, so you don't have to. Bless them.
1. The Underboob, Belly-Baring Monokini
Underboob and sideboob at the same time? No wonder Kim Kardashian is a fan.
Etienne
"I’m just waiting for Justin Timberlake to come and rip my boob out. This is not complementing my figure at all! My boobs do not fit. I feel like my nipple is going to come out any second to make its debut. My butt is so squished it looks nonexistent. This is not going to work out for me."
White High-Cut Monokini, AMI CLUBWEAR,
Alexis
“This isn’t something I would wear to a, like, family lake with little 6-year-olds running around. This is definitely something I would rock on a baecation though.”
Stephanie
"All these openings made it so hard to figure out what leg goes into what hole. Putting this on was the ultimate struggle."
Dasia
"Woo! I feel so exposed, but a good exposed. There's a lot of cutouts in this one. I feel like my underboobs would be bouncing around a little too much though."
Montana
"Do people really wear this? What is the point of having it together if your entire stomach is exposed? Look! My boobs are out!"
2. The Lacy, Let-It-All-Hang-Out One-Piece
Is it a swimsuit or lingerie?
Etienne
"I wouldn't step one foot outside of my house with this on. I'm confused. This is a swimsuit?"
Black Lace Monokini, AMI CLUBWEAR
Alexis
"I'd walk right past this in a store because no one can convince me that this is not lingerie."
Stephanie
"My nipples are going to fall out any second. This isn't made for girls with big boobs. I wouldn't even wear this for bae."
Dasia
"I actually feel really sexy in this. But I'd never, ever, ever, ever wear this in public."
Montana
"First off, this took me about 30 minutes to put on. There are so many straps I didn't even know where to start! Secondly, this is not a swimsuit. Can I take this off now?"
3. The Million-Strap Monokini
Britney Spears was obsessed with this suit once upon a time. Of course, that was before she actually wore it out in the sun. Oh, the tan lines!
Etienne
"Oh, I definitely took the cake with this one. I feel like I look way better. Even though the colour reminds me of Kermit the frog, I feel super sexy in this. Maybe it's because it makes my boobs look so perky. The style really complements my curvy figure."
Neon Green Monokini, AMI CLUBWEAR
Alexis
"I feel like a strapped-up rotisserie ham."
Stephanie
"Ugh, once again, a monokini that's not really made for girls with big boobs. This colour is also not cute."
Dasia
"I love this! I would definitely rock this on vacay. I'm not into the neon color, but maybe in a black, this would look nice. I feel really sexy, yeah, super sexy."
Montana
"I think I look like a giant watermelon. I feel like this would give me the worst tan lines. I'd look like I literally fell asleep in the sunshine."
4. The Raciest Rainbow Bikini of All Time
Is that a bikini bottom or a rainbow-printed maxi pad? Kidding! Of course it's not a maxi pad. No one would ever make a maxi pad that small.
Etienne
"Help! My va-jay-jay is out."
Rainbow Bikini, AMI CLUBWEAR
Alexis
"I would never wear this. It's way too revealing for me. My bottom half feels so overexposed and the colours are giving me a headache."
Stephanie
"I'm leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination right now. I'm busting out of this thing!"
Dasia
"The straps are so loose. This doesn't really fit my small frame. Def not a bikini for all the petite girls out there like me."
Montana
"Too many straps. Too many colours. Too many stripes. This is just all-around too much for me."
5. The Up-the-Butt One-Piece
One woman's atomic wedgie is another woman's photo op, especially if that woman's name is Kylie Jenner.
Etienne
"I feel like I’m strapped into a seatbelt but it’s a bathing suit. I can't breathe."
Red Backless One-Piece, AMI CLUBWEAR
Alexis
"I get that this is supposed to be small, but who would ever wear something this small? I guess Kylie would."
Stephanie
"Is this supposed to go up your ass? Because it goes up my ass. I could never wear this — my boobs would be flying everywhere, because I have zero support up here. "
Dasia
"This is so Kylie Jenner, like, it's so low-cut and has all this side-boobage. I usually don't go for swimsuits like this because I've never been a fan of sideboob."
Montana
"This may be for Kylie but it's not for me. I don't think there should be a bottom part to this bathing suit because it's so far up my butt and the side of the bathing suit is completely gone. I feel like I'm wearing something from The Children's Place or Baby Gap."
Want to see these suits in motion? Of course you do! So check out the video below.
Photographer: Ruben Chamorro
Hair and makeup: Jackie Seabrooke
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Maya Allen is the former Digital Beauty Editor at MarieClaire.com where she covered makeup, skincare, haircare, wellness, you name it! She has a 15-step skincare routine, owns over 200 red lipsticks, and enjoys testing the latest and greatest in beauty. On most weekends, you can find her at her happy place, which is her makeup vanity. There, she’s usually blasting her speakers while singing along to lyrics at the top of her lungs, and making sure her highlighter is on point. Before joining MarieClaire.com, she held positions at Byrdie.com and Cosmopolitan.com.
