10 legit first date tips from guys you’ll want to remember
Your anxiety will thank you
First dates are The Worst. It’s likely you’re both nervous, you’re both awkward, and you’re both sussing out whether or not you’ll need a friend to ‘call with a major emergency’ in the next 30 minutes. But the good news is that a great first date makes all of the bad ones worth it (most of the time).
So, what is it that makes a first date great? Depends who you’re asking. It really is all relative, meaning what works for you might not work for your bestie or sister. Even more so: what you say to one person might not be what you want to say to another. So yeah, consider first dates to be a hard thing to navigate.
But personally, I think one of the biggest issues with first dates is that we never know what the other person is thinking. My thoughts are always like: Are they into it? Will they be offended if I ask them this personal question? What will they think when I tell them I ate an entire pizza yesterday? Etc.
So to help with the first date jitters, we asked men on any and all first date advice they can provide for women who date men. Because sometimes a peek into the male brain is all we need to feel relaxed.
But just as a helpful disclaimer: know that you don’t need to change or do anything different when going on a date. Look and feel however you feel most confident, and don’t change that for a man, no matter what they say their preferences are.
Be open
“My biggest tip would be for women to be open and straight forward. Men don’t like to admit it, but we aren’t as secure and confident as we like to be, which can lead us to questioning if the woman is as interested in us as we are into her. If we don’t think they like us, this can lead men to not giving the date or relationship as much attention that is needed.” — Jamie H.
Think about dating like an adventure, not an interview
“Try to be in the moment and focus on the two of you, not rehearsing all the questions your friends told you to use. Instead, put your arm around him and take him on an adventure or to a place you know well. The rest will take care of itself.” — Baron C.
Be engaged and ask questions
“There were times (a lot of them) when I met a woman, and I got exhausted by being the only one driving the conversation. There is nothing wrong with talking about yourself, but it is a bit concerning when you can’t stop doing so for hours. Give time to the person sitting with you at that table.” — Liam B.
Be yourself
“Please let me know upfront if you’re really shy. I know it’s tough for some people to open up on a first date and talk a lot, but if you’re very quiet, I’m going to assume you hate me or you’re not having fun. And then I’ll fill the silence by talking way too much and eventually I’ll say something stupid.” — Greg, 25
This probably isn’t the best time to get wasted
“If your date isn’t drinking, maybe call it after the first one. Never be the one drinking the most.” — Jason, 27
It’s totally fine to split the check, as long as that’s what you want to do
“Feel free to offer to pay, but he might take you up on it. I think, depending on who you ask, a lot of people actually prefer to split the check on the first date now. But if you’re expecting him to pay, that’s fine, just don’t say anything.” — Mark, 26
It’s understandable if you have to raincheck
“Don’t flip out about having to cancel if it’s legitimate. I know you might be worried that your date will take it the wrong way, but I think he’d rather reschedule than watch you throw up into your hands and then have that overflow into your plate of gnocchi. That sentence was very specific for a reason.” — Kyle, 27
Honesty is the best policy (at least as long as you’re polite)
“If you’re having a bad time, please just say something generic like ‘I need to get home’ and excuse yourself. I once had a world-record awful date (we were just totally different people) very obviously have her friend call her so she could leave. Her friend pretended to be her mum and faked a family emergency about a sick aunt and it was a whole thing. I still cringe thinking about how I had to pretend to be concerned for this girl’s aunt when I knew she just wanted to leave.” — Brett, 25
Go somewhere where you can actually talk
“If you’re suggesting a place to meet up, make sure it’s somewhere you can actually hear the other person talking. I hate winding up out at a bar that’s way too noisy or something. I don’t even love going to the movies on a first date. I want to be able to get to know each other.” — Shawn, 28
Don’t feel like it needs to be love at first sight
“I don’t think first dates need to necessarily be mind-blowing and amazing right off the bat. Neither of us need to worry about making an impossibly great first impression. On a first date, I just want to see if things feel comfortable and natural. If I like spending time with you, I definitely want there to be a second date.” — Derrick, 26
Taylor is the former Sex and Relationships editor who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex). You can follow her on Instagram here.
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