Are you a Taylor Swift fan? Did you spend the weekend thinking about — or singing along to lyrics about — dicks? Well, same. Yep, The Life of a Showgirl is out in the world, and it contains a surprising amount of... penis metaphors.
On ‘Wood’, seemingly an ode to her fiancé Travis Kelce’s, er, wood, Swift admits being “ah-matised”, AKA ‘dickmatised’, apologises if she comes across as “cocky”, and sings the already-viral lines, “Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see / His love was thе key that opened my thighs”, and, “Girls, I don’t need to catch the bouquet / To know a hard rock is on the way”.
Okay, the lines are a little cheesy, but honestly? Good for Tay. They also got us thinking: what kind of dick would ‘ah-matise’ us?
Now, obviously penises can’t be divorced from the people they’re attached to — we’re sure it’s not just Travis’ wood that’s dickmatising Taylor — but what exactly do women like in their lovers’ members? Does size really matter? Is girth or length more important? Or is it about what you do with it?
What is the ‘best’ penis size?
According to the so-called ‘Authentic Women’s Penis Size Preference Chart’, which seems to have been floating around on the internet since the late 2000s, it’s not just ‘the bigger the better’, as many would have assumed. In fact, the ‘ideal’ penis is 7.25–8.25 inches long and 6.25–6.5 inches in circumference.
Deemed ‘unsatisfying’ is a penis less than 5 inches long, or with a girth under 4.5 inches or over 7.5 inches.
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Quite how anyone managed to work this out we don’t know, given that most women don’t get a tape measure out to assess the stats of every naked penis they come into contact with. (Or do they? Have we been doing this all wrong?)
However, it’s safe to say that finding a man with a 8.25 x 7.25 inch penis is pretty low on most women’s priority list, after several more important things like, you know, personality, sense of humour, whether they’re kind, respectful, thoughtful... the list goes on.
And yes, it’s a cliché, but it really is true that’s it’s all about what a lover does in the bedroom, not the size of their prize.
Still, we’re nosy — and so we trawled Reddit to find out what women really want from their partners’ penises. And, because we know you’re nosy too, we’ve rounded up their thoughts on the ideal penis lengths, girths, and beyond below.
15 women on their ideal penis size
- “Three to five inches. Anything too big hurts.” [via]
- “I had a guy with eight inches once, or so he claimed. His penis looked amazing and turned me on so much, but my vagina isn’t long enough to really relax and enjoy sex with anything above seven inches.” [via]
- “Around four to eight inches? I dunno. I feel like breaking out the tape measure would ruin the mood.” [via]
- “Five to eight inches, but the size doesn’t matter [if] you know how to use it.” [via]
- “Don’t have a preferred size. I’ve experienced multiple sizes and girths. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter what size. The angle seems to be more important.” [via]
- “Anything 7.5 inches or under. I know porno makes it seem like every woman is searching for 10 inches or more but any guy over 7.5 would have to pull his punches, so to speak. No thank you.” [via]
- “Big enough so I can feel it, small enough that it doesn’t hurt.” [via]
- “I dunno, maybe five inches. I had an ex who was over six inches and I didn’t enjoy it. It’s not really that important to me as long as its not painfully long. If it is, they may have to be careful not to thrust too hard. If it hits the cervix, it can be pretty painful. More pleasure comes from the other stuff a guy will do, and dick size doesn’t play into that.” [via]
- “I personally prefer method over size. I slept with a guy with a big dick (7.5–8 inches), but his tactics were elementary and I was far less than satisfied. But my current boyfriend is about average length (5–6 inches) and relatively girthy, and sex with him blows my mind. So it really depends on if you’re any good at sex. If you have a big dick but you’re just ramming it in there, you probably aren’t gonna get a good review.” [via]
- “Up to six inches in length and up to three inches in girth. Less girth, preferably. Cuz ow. Smaller? Great. Micro? Not a problem as long as he’s willing to use other strategies.” [via]
- “It depends — I’ve been with a range of sizes and it really does come down to the person attached to it and whether or not they’re good at sex. I don’t want to say ‘size doesn’t matter’, but people put way too much emphasis on dick size when there are other, more important parts of the equation. My personal Goldilocks Dick (just right) is five to seven ish inches. My husband is eight — can’t go as deep as we’d like, or else I’m getting stabbed in the ovaries.” [via]
- “How do people know the inch size of guys they sleep with? As a woman, truly I don’t even notice unless it’s extraordinarily large or extraordinarily small, and there’s maybe been one or two guys that fall into those camps. Sex is fun — I’m not taking out a tape measure. This is seriously not something men have to worry about, please trust me.” [via]
- “I’m someone who needs length and girth because I prefer vaginal/G-spot orgasms. I’ve got booty and thighs and those things can make things tricky for smaller dudes.” [via]
- “I don’t care about size AT ALL. Show me what them hands do though.” [via]
- “I’m bisexual so maybe I’m more inclined to varied types of sex/less reliant on PIV only, but I can certainly appreciate an above-average-sized penis. There’s lots of fun to be had with one. But it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a smaller-than-average penis. I might just appreciate them each in slightly different ways. I care far more about whether someone is an attentive lover and we have chemistry.” [via]
Some responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.
