Whether you’ve engaged in a bit of spit play (are you the spitter or the spittee?) or you’re here to find out more, one thing is for sure: plenty of us are interested in it. Although there aren’t any *official* studies on spit kinks, around 9% of research respondents in Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want engage with spit play during sexual activity. What’s more, there are over a million clips under the ‘spit fetish’ category on Clips4Sale, an adult content site, while on TikTok, videos with the #SpitTok and #SpitQueen hashtags amass hundreds of thousands of views.
Perhaps that’s why spit play is also showing up in popular culture of late. Lena Dunham’s Too Much Netflix series featured a spicy spit scene between Megan Stalter and Will Sharpe, and on the big screen, Hailee Steinfeld and Michael B. Jordan erotically swap saliva in Sinners. Both scenes elicited a strong reaction from viewers. “BRB recreating the spit scene from Sinners,” one person said of the hot, vampy exchange, while a Too Much viewer exclaimed they were “fully locked in” to the spit scene. Hard relate, TBH.
Like any kink, however, spit play isn’t for everyone — which is totally fine! — and enthusiastic consent from everyone involved is always the most important factor to consider. Got the green light to get wet? Here’s everything you need to know about spit kinks.
What is spit play?
“A spit kink (sometimes called saliva play or spit play) is when the exchange of saliva is eroticised and incorporated into someone’s experience of sex and/or sexuality,” explains LELO sexpert and certified sex therapist Casey Tanner. “Someone with a spit kink might become aroused from giving someone else their spit (e.g. spitting into a partner’s mouth or onto their body), receiving someone else’s spit, or both.”
Tanner adds that other spit play activities may include deliberately kissing with extra saliva, transferring saliva into a partner’s mouth, using saliva as lube, or really any other deliberately erotic way you can think of to bring spit into sex.
But while spit is obviously the focal point of this kink, it’s not all about the spit itself. Tanner notes that spit play often incorporates dominant and submissive dynamics, and tends to overlap with partners taking on Dom/sub roles. For example, a dominant partner spitting on their sub could be a form of degradation play, says Gigi Engle, certified sex and relationships psychotherapist, sex educator, and award-winning author. Alternatively, a Dom could command a sub to spit in their mouth.
Either way, “engaging in a spit kink involves a process of consent and clarifying the role of each partner in the kink,” says Tanner.
Why are people into spit?
Whether or not spit is your thing sexually, it is a thing sexually — and a fairly common one at that. “Clinically, I can say it’s very common. I know this might come as a surprise to some, but people are into spitting,” says Engle, citing research from Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want, which suggests roughly 43% of men and 35% of women have fantasised about spit during sex.
As for why that is? For one thing, even if you’re not into spit as a kink, chances are pretty high it still finds its way into most of your sexual encounters one way or another.
“Spit is an intimate bodily fluid, and just like with semen, ejaculate, and vaginal secretions, sharing this fluid can feel like a bonding experience — a sign of trust,” says Tannner.
Why any given person may be into spit varies depending on the context in which the spitting takes place. “For example, if someone associates being spit on with being degraded or objectified, they might find it erotic to incorporate spit consensually into BDSM play,” Tanner explains. “If someone associates being spit on with marking authority, they might desire incorporating it into a dominant sexual persona.” Meanwhile, Tanner adds that for some, the appeal may be in the taboo nature of the kink.
And finally, beyond the psychological allure, “some may simply get off on the sensory experience of feeling a partner’s fluids in their mouth or on their body, or vice versa”, says Tanner. In short, some people just like spit! To which I say, good for them!
How to approach your partner about spit play
“You want to come to any conversation about kink with empathy and an open mind,” explains Engle. “You want to ask your partner first to consent to talk about this kind of thing. And you want to start by giving them lots of affirmation about how you love your sex life, but explain that you want to try this specific thing.”
Engle continues: “You also want to invite your partner to tell you about their kinks and ask them for feedback, so that it’s a two-way conversation, and you’re coming at this with empathy and generosity on both sides.”
“Keep in mind that for both partners this is quite a vulnerable thing to talk about,” she adds, “so we need to talk about this stuff with an open mind, and you need to be ready if you are the person with this kink to accept a gracious ‘no’.”
“If your partner isn’t into it, then you have to ask yourself: how important this is to you? Because there might be alternative ways to engage in it, for instance, in fantasy, through engaging with erotic material that’s centred around this kink, or possibly seeing a professional who’s a dominatrix, depending on what is within the boundaries of your relationship,” Engle adds. “Everything should be communicated in a way that is open, and so that everybody’s following the set of rules that you both have within the boundaries of your relationship.”
A beginner’s guide to spit play
Engle explains that, to get started with spit play, discuss the dynamics of it (after you’ve confirmed consent, of course). “What kind of spitting are we talking about?” she says, noting the different ways in which you can engage, such as spitting in someone’s mouth or spitting on someone’s body. You also need to consider who is doing the spitting and who will be spat on.
In terms of practicalities, Engle adds that after having a conversation, brushing your teeth is a good place to begin in spit play. “I would definitely suggest brushing your teeth and/or mouthwashing before just to avoid any kind of grossness,” she says, before caveating: “Unless, of course, the grossness is part of the kink, in which case you have to discuss that in your boundaries conversation.”
“Be sure that you have space for aftercare after your play,” Engle advises. “Discuss what went correctly, what might not have been so great, how you want to do things differently next time, etc.” These kinds of open and empathetic conversations are important so that you can ‘reconnect’ on how you feel about this type of play.
Are there any risks with spit play?
Beyond the emotional considerations (those being consent, boundaries, and aftercare), Engle notes there are physical risks to consider with spit play as well.
“You need to be careful about potential STI risks,” she explains, pointing to HPV or oral herpes. That’s why it’s crucial to get regular STI checks — even if you’re in a monogamous relationship — which Engle suggests getting every three to six months.
Alternatives to spit play
If full-on spit play isn’t for you or your partner, there are still ways you can enjoy it. “You don’t necessarily have to spit on someone or in someone’s mouth,” says Engle. “You could use plastic wrap and put that on the area where you’re going to spit on somebody,” she suggests, if spitting directly onto skin isn’t preferred. “If that’s not going to be your thing, there are always workarounds.”
Kayla Kibbe (she/her) is the Associate Sex and Relationships Editor at Cosmopolitan US, where she covers all things sex, love, dating and relationships. She lives in Astoria, Queens and probably won’t stop talking about how great it is if you bring it up. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
