Look: Nothing against blow jobs. With the right person, under the right circumstances, they can be quite enjoyable! But, toward the end, things tend to get dicey. Things have to finish (*wink wink*) one way or another, leaving you — the giver of the blow job — three options: Pull your mouth away so quickly it leaves the penis-owner in a tailspin; accept your fate and spit it right back out; or swallow.
If you're someone who doesn't mind - nay, enjoys - swallowing, awesome! That's totally your choice and you do you. But, if like me, it's something you dread with the passion of one thousand suns, here are some more reasons not to do it!
1. You just brushed your teeth! And everyone knows you shouldn't eat after you just brushed your teeth; it's bad oral hygiene.
2. Despite what they're telling you, there's truly not enough protein in the stuff to even matter. Semen is not a great post-workout snack. There are slight traces of protein in junk but it's hardly anything. There's more protein in things that are much more delightful to swallow, like, say, smoothies and milkshakes. Yum!
3. You just had some french fries and really are craving something sweet, not salty. And semen is definitely more salty than sweet. It'd throw your entire taste palette out of whack.
4. You could be doing any one of these other very pleasant (by comparison) things! Go for a walk! Bake a cake! Drink some wine! Do literally anything else!
Everyone's clicking on...
5. You had a big meal and are just too full. Just no more room in your stomach for a single bite (or drop, sorry) of more food!
6. You have something really important to say and it's rude to talk with your mouth full. Spit it out (both literally and figuratively)!
7. You're on a really strict diet where you only eat vegetables and unsalted nuts. You meticulously meal-prepped, you roasted all your veggies, you stocked up on walnuts and cashews, and, oh, darn. Semen just isn't in your meal plan for this week! Maybe some other time (but probably not).
8. What if it makes you gassy? Is semen a tummy irritant? Almost definitely not but can you really place too safe a bet when tooting all night long is at stake?
9. You're saving it for a special occasion and tonight just is not it. But someday soon! Maybe. Probably. But also, probably not.
10. You're waiting for women and men to make equal pay before you're willing to accept semen deposits. Just tell them you'll be more than happy to swallow the very moment you no longer make significantly less than them. Then you get out of swallowing, and you've just given even more incentive for them to fight the gender pay gap. Two birds.
11. TBH, they should be thankful enough that you even went down on them at all. Much less swallow at the end. You care about this person and you aim to please, but at the same time, you're just one human.
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