The English language is truly a thing of beauty: Shakespeare gave us 'zany', Charles Dickens coined 'comfoozled', and generations of deeply unserious people have given us approximately eight billion different ways of saying 'balls'. As in, male genitalia, not the footy or tennis variety.
Some are anatomical. Some are affectionate. Some are aggressively British. Some sound less like genitalia and more like something you’d order from a gastropub with aioli – and we love them all!
But, before we begin, a speedy anatomy lesson: the testicles (or testes) are the two oval-shaped organs that produce sperm and testosterone, while the scrotum is the pouch of skin that holds them. In everyday conversation, however, 'balls' tends to get used for the entire operation.
Whether you need a euphemism for a group chat, have encountered a term online that left you completely baffled, or simply want to know how many ways humanity has found to avoid saying 'testicles', welcome. You're in a safe space now...
Here are 64 words and phrases for balls:
1. Balls
The undisputed classic. Short, efficient, internationally understood.
2. Testicles
The proper anatomical term. What a doctor will say while everyone else suddenly becomes fascinated by the ceiling.
Everyone's clicking on...
3. Testes
The plural of testis and the slightly more medical-sounding cousin of 'testicles'.
4. Bollocks
Also conveniently means 'nonsense'.
5. Bollock
One solitary bollock. Important distinction.
6. Nuts
An enduring favourite, despite testicles having very little in common with cashews.
7. Nads
Shortened from gonads
8. Gonads
Technically a reproductive organ that produces sex cells, meaning ovaries are gonads too. Colloquially, though? Balls.
9. Cojones
The Spanish word for testicles, routinely borrowed by English speakers when discussing courage.
10. Family jewels
A strangely regal description for something routinely trapped in boxer shorts.
11. Crown jewels
As above, but apparently these ones belong to the monarchy. Surely, this is what Queen Camilla uses for King Charles? Huge missed opportunity if not tbh.
12. Jewels
For when 'family' feels unnecessarily formal.
13. Privates
A polite umbrella term for genitalia rather than balls specifically, but heavily deployed whenever adults do not want to name a body part.
14. Bits
Could mean absolutely anything south of the waist.
15. Man bits
'Bits' but make it gendered?
16. Man parts
The euphemism your aunt might use before swiftly changing the subject.
17. Downstairs
Less a body part than a geographical region.
18. The goods
A description carrying an unjustified amount of confidence.
19. The equipment
Makes the entire reproductive system sound like something requiring an instruction manual.
20. Package
A phrase beloved by romance novels, dating profiles and trouser-related speculation everywhere.
21. Junk
Usually refers to all male genitalia rather than the testicles specifically.
22. Tackle
Sporty and strong?
23. Two veg
Graphic and also reminiscent of Sunday lunch, of 'meat and two veg' fame.
24. Plums
A surprisingly common comparison once you stop to think about it.
25. Plumsack
For when 'plums' alone won't quite do.
26. Berries
Another entry in the bafflingly extensive fruit section of genital slang.
27. Love spuds
Potatoes, but make them romantic.
28. Marbles
Hopefully not the type you lose.
29. Knackers
Traditional British and Irish slang for testicles.
30. Nut sack
Usually refers specifically to the scrotum rather than the testicles inside it.
31. Ball sack
The scrotum, in language requiring essentially no decoding.
32. Ball bag
Again: same anatomy, streamlined spelling.
33. Mansack
The sort of word you hear once and immediately understand against your will.
34. Manbag
Not to be confused with a small cross-body satchel.
35. Beanbag
Potentially the least relaxing use of the term.
36. Teabags
Usually encountered in the context of 'teabagging', when someone lowers their testicles onto another person's, well, face
37. Danglers
Because they do, indeed, dangle.
38. Dangly bits
An umbrella phrase that could include the penis too, depending on exactly what is doing the dangling.
39. Low-hangers
Generally referring to testicles that sit lower in the scrotum.
40. Swingers
Not exclusively a sexual lifestyle, apparently.
41. Clackers
A reference to the old-school toy made from two balls that knock together. You can work out the rest.
42. Twin boys
A deeply anthropomorphic approach.
43. The boys
'Mind the boys' generally means something has come dangerously close to the crotch.
44. The twins
If you yourself are a twin, we can only apologise.
45. The fellas
Your reproductive organs are apparently now mates from the pub.
46. The lads
An equally cheeky version of the above.
47. Two amigos
Because nothing says reproductive anatomy quite like friendship.
48. The dynamic duo
Batman and Robin would like to be excluded from this narrative.
49. The pair downstairs
For when context is lacking.
50. The twins in the basement
A metaphor that has gone several floors too far. Horror film vibes?
51. Nuts and bolts
Usually a general phrase for practical details, but inevitably recruited into genital wordplay because humanity cannot help itself.
52. Nuts and berries
A woodland-themed interpretation... Hopefully you can avoid any squirrels trying to nibble though.
53. Jawbreakers
Ouch y'all?
54. Meatballs
The obvious food-based destination for a culture already calling them balls.
55. Turkey giblets
A stunning way to ruin Christmas dinner.
56. Eggs
Oval, paired and apparently enough resemblance for slang to happen.
57. Huevos
Literally 'eggs' in Spanish and sometimes used colloquially for testicles.
58. Stones in the pouch
An image not one person will be thanking us for.
59. Seed factories
Biologically reductive, but you can see how we got there.
60. Baby makers
Testicles produce sperm, but conception is obviously rather more complicated than this phrase suggests.
61. Sperm factories
Again, crude but functionally inspired: sperm production takes place in the testes.
62. Fertility department
Less established slang, more euphemistic office humour.
63. Nards
Another gem for the list (a popular one at that)
64. Baws
From our Scottish pals, see also: bawbag.
