Welcome to the wonderful world of wax play. It's hot, it's sticky and it's (potentially) very fun. But, like they say, with great power comes great responsibility: it's important to read up on how to embrace wax play safely, avoiding burns, and consensually, with safe words and open communication. Intrigued? We were too, which is why we called up Lovehoney sex expert Ness Cooper for the ultimate guide to wax play...
What is wax play?
Let's start at the beginning: what even is wax play? Put simply, wax play involves applying hot, molten wax from a candle onto a sexual partner's skin. For the person on the receiving end, there is a slight burning sensation from when wax hits the skin. The other person in the scenario, who is applying the wax, might enjoy a sense of power play.
According to Ness Cooper, Lovehoney sexpert, the realities of wax play can be more layered and complex. "There are actually three forms of wax play that are often enjoyed, and I like to refer to them as the type that aims to hurt, the type that aims to relax, and the type that aims to be sensual," she explains.
When using a body-safe, specifically-designed candle (for example one that becomes a body oil when melted), the wax applied to the body can sometimes be used as a massage oil for a relaxing or sensual experience.
"All forms offer their own type of pleasure. Some may see any of these types of play as kinky and others may incorporate them into vanilla bedroom play. It’s up to those exploring wax play [to decide] how they fully interpret it."
Is wax play BDSM?
And on that note...what *is* the relationship between wax play and BDSM? As Ness explains, wax play can be a part of BDSM scenarios if so desired. "Sometimes wax play can be used in a BDSM setting as allowing someone to drip wax over your body can take a lot of trust, and is sometimes seen as a submissive act," she says.
Remember that when using wax in pain play, there are risks of burns and safe words are always necessary. Wax play within this context is also considered a more advanced form of BDSM, so we would advise not to try it if you are a beginner or inexperienced with sub/dom dynamics.
"While some do find it enjoyable, ensuring you have your partner’s consent is important, as well as understanding that wax play can potentially lead to injuries from either the flame or the heat of the wax if safety rules aren’t applied. It’s essential that wax play is performed with someone that you trust," says Ness.
Is wax play safe?
As already highlighted, there will always be safety concerns with wax play due to the risk of burns. You should also keep in mind that wax should always be kept away from your eyes, as it can be blinding.
Ness also recommends avoiding wax play as a solo activity. "I wouldn’t recommend individuals to explore solo wax play as there is a higher risk of experiencing some very nasty burns or injuries as there is not a second party involved."
Remember, wax play is a relatively high risk activity, which involves playing with an open flame, so there are considerable safety concerns to be aware of. Always exercise caution.
What type of candles are safe to use?
In order to avoid the risk of burns and bodily harm, we would always recommend that anyone looking to get started with wax play tried a specifically designed candle intended for use in wax play.
"Individuals should only purchase candles designed for wax play, as these will often be referred to as “body safe”, and sold by approved adult retailers," says Ness. "Wax play candles only reach a certain temperature, so the wax itself is safe and shouldn’t burn the skin."
Lovehoney Oh! Vanilla Massage Candle 60g
Unbranded Mojo Pro Original Desire Pheromone Soy Massage Candle 75g
What should I do about clean up?
Dripping wax all over someone's body...it sounds hot, right? Well, that may well be the case, but it can also be messy af. Here's what you need to know about wax play clean-up.
"Depending on the type of wax, you may be able to pull it off," explains Ness. "Some individuals enjoy impact play to remove the wax, but this can be messy. If there is any stuck wax, you can use massage oil or baby oil to help remove it."
What sort of aftercare should I do after wax play?
When we experiment with any kind of BDSM scene or activity involving pain, role play or power play, aftercare should always be an important factor.
Aftercare is what is needed to be in a good space emotionally, physically or mentally after kinky sex. This could involve removing any accessories like blindfolds or handcuffs, doing any necessary clean-up after acts like food play or wax play, tending to any bruising from impact play, and 'debriefing' from the scene by sharing what you did or didn't like and explaining how you now feel. It's also common to include cuddling or words of affirmation as a part of aftercare, so you can reconnect outside of a power play or fantasy scenario.
So what does physical aftercare look like after indulging in a spot of wax play? According to Ness, it's important to tend to the areas that have been hit by the hot wax and soothe your skin. "Some individuals will find that the area that had wax on can be more sensitive afterwards. A warm bath after wax play can be pleasurable for some as they will feel the area being soothed, and some even find it to be even more sensual due to the increased sensitivity."
How do I talk to my partner about wax play?
If you're fascinated by the prospect of wax play but don't know how to broach the conversation with your partner, or if your partner has brought up wax play and you're not sure how to respond, we've got your back.
Starting an honest conversation if you want to try wax play: "Like when talking about any BDSM, when speaking about wax play you could simply start by saying you want to explore temperature play, and both discuss options on how to explore it on a level they’re both comfortable with," explains Ness."
Keep in mind that your partner might not be into wax play and it is important to accept and respect that this is out with their comfort level and not something they want to try.
Remaining open if your partner wants to try wax play: "Being open is the best option. Asking as many questions as possible and ensuring you are both on the same page is the most effective way of moving forward in any BDSM activity."
Remember that if you don't feel comfortable with wax play and don't want to try it with a partner, it is important to voice your boundaries. Be sure to listen to what your partner has to say and ensure they feel heard but, if it still doesn't appeal to you, politely and firmly tell them that wax play isn't for you.
How can I make wax play even hotter?
And finally, if you've already tried wax play out a few times but want to take it to the next level, here's what you need to try out according to sexpert Ness...
- Blindfolds: "While using candles designed for wax play, you can allow your imagination to go wild and also increase sensation by adding in other toys such as blindfolds. This will make the receiver more sensitive to any stimulation that happens to their body, without upping the actual heat.
Lovehoney Oh! Satin Blindfold
Bondage Boutique Soft Blindfold
Lovehoney Silky Black Blindfold
- Vibrations: "Adding vibrations from toys such as bullet vibrators over the hardened wax can produce very unique sensations which can therefore heighten stimulation
Lovehoney Mini Thrill Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Happy Rabbit Rechargeable Rabbit Ears Bullet Vibrator
Lovehoney Magic Silver Bullet Vibrator
Rocks Off Rainbow Bullet Vibrator
So Divine Afternoon Delight Bullet Vibrator
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
