Pick-up lines: are they cheesy and outdated, or a post-ironic way to break the ice IRL? The jury’s still out on that one, but whether you’re looking to let someone know you fancy them with some plausible deniability, or just looking to get laid, there are plenty of dirty, funny, and horny AF pick-up lines and compliments you can try your luck with.
There’s also the fact that these lines could work well as openers on Hinge/Tinder/Feeld/your dating app of choice. After all, we all need some variation from a dry “hi, how are you xx” — and a cheeky pick-up line could be what you need when you’re chatting to matches for the first time, particularly if you want to show yourself off as being quick-witted and unafraid to get straight to it.
A word to the wise: this kind of approach isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If you’re chatting to someone you don’t know, you might want to prioritise funny chat-up lines (lean into the cringe) rather than the more risqué ones on our list — laughter is a much more reliable key to someone’s heart, after all.
And finally, remember that there are plenty of other ways to flirt than relying on pick-up lines. Whether it’s smiling, paying someone compliments, or asking them a question about themselves. Want to learn more? You can check out our definitive guide on all things flirting, or dive into our round-up of the best pick-up lines below…
Funny horny pick-up lines and compliments
If you’re trying to turn someone on and make them laugh, then try out some of these funny lines:
1. “Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?”
Everyone's clicking on...
2. “Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?”
3. “Do I have to sign for your package?”
4. “Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you.”
5. “Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging you.”
6. “Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, but I definitely should be.”
7. “If you were a flower you’d be a damn-delion.”
8. “Do you have a map? Because I want to find my way into your pants.”
9. “I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.”
10. “Baby, you’re so hot, you make the Equator look like the North Pole.”
11. “Four plus four equals eight, but you plus me equals fate.”
12. “Are you flappy bird? Because I could tap you all night.”
13. “You’re on my list of things to do tonight.”
14. “If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.”
15. “Are those pants from space? Because your ass is out of this world.”
16. “Are you a sea lion? Because I can see you lying in my bed tonight.”
17. “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.”
18. “Are you a pie? Because I’d like a piece of you.”
19. “Did you just step out of the oven? Because you’re so hot.”
20. “My lips are Skittles — wanna taste the rainbow?”
21. “Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy.”
22. “Are you a loan? You've got my interest.”
23. “Are you a genie? Because I’d like to rub your lamp tonight.”
24. “I’m learning about important dates in history, want to be one of them?”
25. “Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.”
26. “Are you a firework? I heard you might bang.”
27. “You’re like a campfire... you’re hot and I want s’more.”
28. “Are you a movie trailer? Because I know you’ll be coming soon.”
29. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put ‘u’ between ‘f’, ‘c’, and ‘k’.”
30. “Do you believe in karma? Because I know some great Kama Sutra positions.”
31. “Let’s play carpenter so I can nail you.”
32. “You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.”
33. “Does your ass have a number? Because it’s calling me.”
34. “Are you a sandwich? Because I want you for lunch.”
35. “Roses are red and they are thorny... whenever I see you, it makes me horny.”
Dirty horny pick-up lines and compliments
If you’d rather skip straight to being a little bit dirty, then have a gander at some dirtier lines that get straight to the point:
1. “You’re like my pinky toe, because I’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.”
2. “Are you a sprinkler? Because you’re making me wet.”
3. “Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.”
4. “I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.”
5. “Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you.”
6. “Are you an elevator? Because I’ll go up and down on you.”
7. “Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.”
8. “Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I’d love to spread them.”
10. “I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.”
11. “Great dress. I’m sorry I’ll have to rip it apart.”
12. “You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.”
13. “Are you a stack of dirty dishes? Because I want to get you wet and do you all night long.”
14. “They say the tongue is the strongest muscle. Want to wrestle?”
15. “I can’t taste my lip gloss! Can you give it a try?”
16. “Want to save water by showering together?”
17. “There’s a big sale in my bedroom right now. Clothes are 100% off!”
18. “Are you a racehorse? Because when I ride, you’ll always finish first.”
19. “Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?”
20. “If I were a judge, I’d sentence you to my bed.”
21. “Twinkle, twinkle little star, let’s have sex inside my car.”
22. “You’re so sexy, my zipper is falling for you.”
23. “You remind me of Disneyland because I want to ride you all day long.”
24. “I was feeling off today, but you just totally turned me on.”
25. “You look great in that outfit, but I bet you’d look even better in your birthday suit.”
26. “I’m adding you to my to-do list. Can I tick you off tonight?”
27. “I’ve been really on top of things lately. Would you like to be one of them?”
28. “Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?”
29. “Do you like games? We should play strip poker.”
30. “I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.”
31. “I don’t care about going down in history; I want to go down on you.”
32. “That shirt would look great on my bedroom floor.”
33. “If I buy you dinner, will you be dessert?”
34. “I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.”
35. “You’re just like a wine tasting. They say to spit but I always prefer swallowing.”
36. “Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the 6. I’ll be the 9.”
37. “I’m trying on lingerie — want to give me a second opinion?”
Emily Gulla was Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Editorial Assistant/Junior Entertainment and Lifestyle Writer, covering celebs, TV and film for the site, magazine and video. She’s interviewed the casts of your favourite TV shows, from Bridgerton to Derry Girls and Stranger Things, as well as dozens of Love Islanders. She also loves getting stuck into long-read features, writing on all things digital culture (including her favourite topic: memes), and dating - having appeared on the radio to discuss dating.
Emily's work has also been published on ELLE, Women's Health, Harper's Bazaar, Digital Spy and more. She holds a First Class degree in English with Film Studies from King's College London, and even wrote her dissertation on Love Island. You can find Emily on Instagram and LinkedIn, and can see more of her work on her website.
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
