DISCLAIMER: When engaging in any sexual activity (or activities) that involve another person or other people always get consent from that person or those people before commencing. If you are unsure about any of the terms mentioned in this article please refer to our expert guide to BDSM. The views expressed in this article are those of experts and not of Cosmopolitan. If you are concerned about your safety or need advice on sex and sexuality, speak with a sexual health professional or counsellor or contact Brook for anonymous support.
Financial domination, also known as findom, is just one of many sexual fetishes that come under the BDSM umbrella. And, as you can probably guess from the title, it involves money.
You may have already heard about this fetish thanks to pop culture's recent fascination with all things financial domination. Euphoria prominently features a financial domination plotline in season 1 where Kat (Barbie Ferreira) explores the world of camming and findom, verbally degrading men in exchange for gifts. Netflix comedy Bonding also took us into the world of BDSM and financial domination. Even it girl Julia Fox got real about financial domination in her memoir Down The Drain, explaining that her work as a dominatrix helped her finance a major change in life.
So, with financial domination being splashed pretty much everywhere across our screens, you may well have some questions. Like how does it work? Or what do the submissives get out of it? In order to find out, we called up an IRL dominatrix to get the lowdown.
What is financial domination?
Financial domination, also known as findom, is a sexual fetish but it's also viewed as a lifestyle, whereby 'submissives' give money and gifts to their 'dominant'. Most often, financial dominatrixes are women and their submissives are men. Findom is also considered part of BDSM, with money functioning as the ultimate power exchange between two dominant and submissive consenting people.
A crucial part of findom that makes it different from other sexual fetishes or acts is that the submissive person doesn't expect anything in exchange for their money. "The act of simply giving with no expectation of anything in return is considered the most submissive act of devotion and dedication," explains Mistress Harley, a financial dominatrix based in California. "The idea is that the submissive works to better the life of their dominant in a meaningful way."
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How does findom actually work?
OK, money? Check. Gifts? Check. Our interests are piqued. But what do financial dominatrixes do and how are findom exchanges set up? Once again, we emphasise that consent is essential when entering into such an agreement, and nobody should feel coerced or pressured into a findom relationship.
Mistress Harley's submissives find her via her website, Twitter account, YouTube or OnlyFans — and as with any sexual fetish, each relationship between a dominant and submissive person is different. According to Mistress Harley, some financial dominatrixes will simply receive the money that their submissives offer to them.
Meanwhile, others will take over their submissives' bank accounts and manage their budgets for them — sometimes even including assets like houses. "I made one of my submissives sell his vacation home for me and direct deposit the proceeds into my bank account," Mistress Harley explains.
Although submissives don't necessarily 'get' anything in return, Mistress Harley says that she will schedule calls with submissives if they've sent her enough money. "They can hear that they have made me happy and I can encourage them to spend even more money on me," she explains — but no messages are replied to if money hasn't been sent first.
Does findom involve sex?
While financial domination is a sexual fetish, it doesn't actually involve having sex. "There is absolutely no sex and usually no touching of any kind involved," explains Mistress Harley. "This is a submissive person giving me money because it gives me pleasure to receive it and them a pleasure to give it."
Instead, if she does meet subs in person it will be to walk to a cash point so that she can take their card and withdraw any amount of money she likes. "The most I've ever allowed a submissive to touch me was to kiss my feet after spending thousands and thousands of dollars on me," she adds.
How much money can financial dominatrixes make?
The money that a financial dominatrix earns depends on the set-up that she has with a submissive. Relationships can vary from anonymous one-off payments to longer-term relationships where submissives pay a weekly or monthly fee for their dominant to "acknowledge their existence."
Sometimes, long-term relationships will evolve into the submissive giving the dominant total control over their bank accounts and properties. In some cases, Mistress Harley says she has even been given financial power of attorney for a submissive, as well as being listed as their sole inheritor in their will.
At the lower end of the scale, Mistress Harley can earn $100 (around £75) for a 10-minute phone call, video call, message exchange or an account takeover. However, "it's very normal for me to make $5000 to $10,000 a day," she adds. "So far my most impressive day was when I received $1.3 million," she continues, which was for the aforementioned holiday home, something she calls 'extreme findom'.
What's in it for the submissives?
While the perks for financial dominatrixes are fairly obvious, what is the appeal of financial domination for submissives?
"Financial submissives enjoy knowing that they are sacrificing their own resources for the pleasure and betterment of someone they perceive to be their Superior," explains Mistress Harley.
"If they get anything in return for their submission it is that they are purchasing the feeling of excitement and fulfilment that they receive from giving their money to a beautiful woman. And many of them receive feelings of sexual gratification from sending money."
There's also a gendered element to it. Mistress Harley says that the vast majority of her submissives are cisgender men, although she also speaks to trans women and trans men.
"Financial domination is focused around what I want and my pleasure as opposed to traditional relationships where there is an exchange between parties. It turns traditional relations between the sexes on its head.
"So many women are raised to believe that it's their job to please a man and that if a man spends money on them, then they owe that man something. But with findom I don't have to give anything back in return. For me, it's the ultimate power exchange."
In all relationships, consent is vital. If you think you are being pressured to give your money to anyone in a non-consensual manner or without knowing the full details, you may be the victim of a scam. Contact the Citizens Advice Bureau for further information.
You can follow Mistress Harley on Twitter and visit her website here.
Emily Gulla was Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Editorial Assistant/Junior Entertainment and Lifestyle Writer, covering celebs, TV and film for the site, magazine and video. She’s interviewed the casts of your favourite TV shows, from Bridgerton to Derry Girls and Stranger Things, as well as dozens of Love Islanders. She also loves getting stuck into long-read features, writing on all things digital culture (including her favourite topic: memes), and dating - having appeared on the radio to discuss dating.
Emily's work has also been published on ELLE, Women's Health, Harper's Bazaar, Digital Spy and more. She holds a First Class degree in English with Film Studies from King's College London, and even wrote her dissertation on Love Island. You can find Emily on Instagram and LinkedIn, and can see more of her work on her website.
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
