Queefing is a weird one, isn’t it? It has a funny name, a funny sound, and, if you’re a teenage boy, is commonly referred to as ‘fanny farting’. Unless you have the confidence of a straight, white, cis man, when it happens you can’t help but feel embarrassed.
Ofc, like with all bodily functions, queefing isn’t embarrassing — though that doesn’t mean it can’t be funny. And if you and your partner are comfortable enough with each other to laugh during sex, then that kind of sex is definitely worth having, whether your vagina is making noises or not (especially if it is, actually!).
But what actually is queefing? To find out, we asked psychosexual, relationship, and trauma therapist Carolyn Cowan — who works with people around their sexuality and gender identity — to give us the lowdown on what queefing really is and why it’s nothing to be ashamed of. And also why, in fact, it’s a pretty sexy thing to happen.
What is a queef?
First of all, a queef really, really isn’t a fart. “It’s an escape of air from the vaginal chamber,” explains Cowan. “A lot of people don’t know they have a vaginal chamber.”
Put simply, a queef is: “[Air that] gets pushed in and then released. It’s not air building up from fermentation in the intestine, it’s just air that’s been accumulated in the vaginal chamber. It doesn’t have an odour, unless you have an infection like bacterial vaginosis.”
Why do queefs happen?
First, we need a basic understanding of our anatomy. “When you put your finger inside your vagina, what closes around it is your pelvic floor which is roughly four inches thick,” says Cowan. “Above that you have the vaginal chamber. And above that sits your cervix, which is the entrance to your womb. If you were to put fingers, a dildo, or a penis inside your vagina, the tip of it would arrive somewhere between the top of your pelvic floor and the bottom of your cervix.”
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Usually, there’s no air in the vagina or vaginal chamber (unless you have pelvic floor issues and it doesn’t close, Cowan says). But when you start to get aroused, a series of things happen up in there.
“The pelvic floor and vagus nerve soften,” she explains. “We want to have a soft pelvic floor even though, weirdly, there’s this cultural idea that we should have a tight pelvic floor. Actually, the more relaxed your pelvic floor, the better your orgasms.”
Next, your vaginal chamber opens up and becomes “a room between your pelvic floor and your cervix”, as Carolyn puts it. “When you’re fully aroused, your tendons shorten and pull up your womb and bladder to get it out of the way, which makes a lot of space. And therefore there’s more room for air to get in.”
How does the air get in there? “If [your partner is] using a penis or a toy to penetrate you, air will get into the vagina,” explains Cowan. “Depending on how you change your position, your organs will move and there’ll be compression against the belly. Air can escape and sound like a fart during penetration, orgasm, or even if you bear down a little bit. If you were just [receiving oral], it’s not likely to happen unless your legs are being held open, and you were being fisted. It’s generally linked to penetration.”
If you’ve given birth vaginally, are used to being fisted or having more than three fingers inside your vagina, there can be more space and this makes it more likely for air to escape, Cowan explains.
Can you prevent queefing?
There’s no surefire way to stop yourself from queefing during sex. It might happen; it might not happen. But rest assured: there’s really no need to try and prevent queefing. Not only is it a natural part of having a vagina — and a very common feature of sex — but, turns out, it’s actually a sign that you’re enjoying yourself.
“It’s an interesting thing because we’re culturally embarrassed, but it’s actually very much a measure of how excited we are,” says Cowan. “If somebody’s horrified by it, they should know it’s a measure of arousal. It’s a lovely thing. It’s about the amount of space we’ve made inside ourselves for the other person.”
The main thing Cowan wants us to know is that you should never feel ashamed if it happens to you. “You might find with one person it happens a lot, and it doesn’t happen at all with someone else. It’s so penis/fingers/toy dependent. For some it depends on the position and angle. Either way, it’s normal and it’s okay.”
Don’t believe us? Read on to find out what women and people with vaginas think about queefing during sex — and spoiler: everyone agrees that it’s more funny (and even sexy) than it is embarrassing. So, go forth and queef without shame!
What women and people with vaginas think about queefing during sex
1.“I don’t find either embarrassing. They happen. It’s natural. If he thinks it’s ‘unladylike’ or something, we probably shouldn’t be dating cause that’s just the start of my unladylike behaviour.”[via Reddit]
2. “If I queef, I just laugh a lot usually. Often my partner laughs too. I’m never embarrassed. Farts are different because they smell, which is gross.” [via Reddit]
3. “I find them hilarious (farts — not so much). [I was] having sex with one guy, and he was going very deep very fast — [he] pulled out and I kind of couldn’t stop [myself queefing]. I burst out into giggles and so did he. Then we continued. I honestly don’t find queefing embarrassing at all. I think it’s funny sometimes, and will giggle, but it really doesn’t embarrass me.” [via Reddit]
4. “I can see how it would be embarrassing, but I don’t think so. The only time it ever happens to me is right after sex, in which case I look at my partner and say, ‘You’re fault!’ We laugh it off and move on.” [via Reddit]
5. “When I’ve got my hips high up in the air, usually that position allows my vagina to suck in more air than it should. Then when we switch positions, there is always at least two or three queefs that follow. My boyfriend and I just laugh it off.” [via Reddit]
6. “I don’t have any particular feelings about queefs, but I do have feelings about people who think they’re rude or gross. They can’t be helped, and anyone who’s close enough to hear one had better laugh with me, not at me, when it happens.” [via Reddit]
7. “I always told my ex it was my vagina saying thank you. I tend to find it funny and just laugh it off and keep going.” [via Reddit]
8. “Objectively sex is really funny and weird. Think of all the weird expressions and sounds, and already being naked and exposed... I don’t see why a tiny thing like a queef would make it any more awkward.” [via Reddit]
9. “I ignore it and change positions... If it persists, then I will inevitably start laughing. FYI to anyone who doesn’t know — laughing makes you queef harder.” [via Reddit]
10. “Every time my bits start making noises, my boyfriend just says ‘fuck yess’ in a singsong voice like he just levelled up in a video game. If you ain’t laughing it ain’t worth it.” [via Reddit]
Paisley is the former Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK. She covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.
