Since the dawn of time, women have been using long, phallic objects as sex toys. The earliest dildo found to date was in a cave used by people in the Ice Age (read: 28,000 years ago), while there are records that both the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks used phallus-adjacent objects for sexual stimulation.
And now, honouring your evolutionary instinct, here you are reading a Cosmo article about how to use a dildo — a term that originates from the Italian word for ‘to delight’, FYI. Fitting!
While historic iterations of the dildo were thought to have been made from leather, rocks, or fruits and vegetables, thankfully today’s society is a little more evolved. Now, the sex tech industry is so booming that you can find dildos in a variety of shapes, textures, and sizes made from glass, silicone, or metal.
To help you started with a dildo, we asked sex educator and resident sexologist at So Divine, Debbie Bere, for tips on using a dildo and get our sex writer’s recommendations for the best dildos to buy in 2025.
How to prepare for using a dildo
1.Clean
Before you put a dildo anywhere near your body, it’s maintenance time. “Admin out of the way before fun!” Bere advises. “Sex toys must be cleaned, this is to prevent UTIs and the spread of infections from repeated use or sharing in partnered play. Clean before and after use to ensure top tier fun,” she says.
So once you’ve broken your new toy out of the box, rub it down with your favourite sex toy cleaner, before getting down to business.
2. Check
Pause — think. Is your toy suitable for what you’re using it for? “Ensure the toy you have is being used for what it was designed for,” Bere notes. This is particularly important to consider when you’re exploring anal play.
“Do not put sex toys without suitably flared bases designed for anal play up your butt, unless you fancy explaining to the A&E staff how you "fell on it in the shower"! They won't believe you,” Bere adds.
3. Lube
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it a thousand times: lube is your best friend, people!
“It is best to use lube as it increases comfort and sensitivity,” Bere says. If you’re inserting a dildo into your vagina, it’s best to use water-based, non-flavoured, and non-scented lube.
But anal is a different story, Bere explains. “When it comes to anal sex, lube is a definite must. Silicone-based lubricants are longer-lasting than water-based, and so ideal for anal sex as the anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina.
Pros
- Easy pump bottle
- Value for money
Cons
- Not recommended for anal
Pros
- Au naturale, she's made from aloe vera
- Eco-friendly for all you eco warriors out there
Cons
- The lid can get messy
Pros
- No one would guess this is a bottle of lube
- Silky feel
Cons
- On the pricier side
“Silicone lube works with condoms but it is not compatible with silicone toys. Oil-based lubricants are thicker, work with toys but cannot be used with condoms.”
To get the best of both worlds, we’d suggest using a condom over a dildo (with a flared base, OFC) during anal play, and then loading it up with silicone lube to ensure it stays slippery.
Tips for using a dildo for the first time
We’re pleasure maximalists here at Cosmo, so anything we can do to help you get the utmost pleasure, we’re at your service.
1.Make sure you’re relaxed
With that in mind, it’s important to set the scene for masturbation — just as you would with a partner. “Breathe and focus on what feels good,” Bere recommends for dildo beginners.
“Being relaxed plays a huge part in sexual enjoyment, so set aside time for your sexual self care. Make yourself comfortable, make yourself feel sexy, being turned on before you even touch is a great way to help your body become aroused.”
Just because you’re using a new toy, it doesn’t mean you have to swerve dramatically off-piste from what you usually enjoy. Do whatever you normally do while masturbating — whether that’s with some fantasy porn, or free erotic fiction. You do you!
2. Start slowly
Sex in general — but especially solo sex — should be all about exploration, so don’t be afraid to test out different ways of using the dildo before you find your sweet spot. “You may need time to find what works for you, from which positions you use it in to hit all the good spots, to how much lube to use, and how deep to go,” Bere adds.
Before inserting the dildo, see what it feels like when you rub it on the outside of your body. “Use the dildo to massage and stimulate external genitalia such as the vulva, labia, or anus,” Annabelle Knight, resident sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, explains.
“You’re essentially teasing yourself here, while building up to the penetration,” Knight says. Consider this the foreplay to your solo sesh! Having anything inside you will be much more pleasurable if you’re fully aroused, so this step is not to be skipped.
3. Play and experiment
The joy of using a dildo over having partnered sex is that the rhythm is totally in your hands — so you can experiment and move between different rhythms and speeds.
“Once you begin to penetrate yourself with the dildo, start slowly moving it in and out, and react and adapt to how it feels,” Knight says. “Feel the difference between a slow and steady movement, and a fast and erratic movement.”
Whether a speedy rhythm feels good can also depend on how big your dildo is, Knight explains.
“Deep penetration can be pleasurable or painful,” she says. “If you have a long toy, it is possible to reach your cervix with the end, though this can make it sore. If you feel pain, stop what you are doing, and start slowly again after a break.”
Holding the dildo by the shaft, rather than by the base, and trying out different angles of insertion can help you find your G-spot for intense vaginal orgasms.
4. Don’t rush
And while the big O can be *a lot* of fun, there’s no need to rush to the finish line — it’s all about the journey, not the ending! “Sex toys are not always just an instant wham bam O — actually play with them, embrace the word toy, find your fun,” Bere recommends.
5. Take it to the next level
If you’re in pursuit of mind-blowing blended Os, combining your dildo with a clit vibrator will really level up your pleasure game.
“Combine using a dildo with a bullet, rabbit or wand vibrator to take your stimulation to the next level,” Knight says. “If it's tricky to do, you can always ask a partner to give you a helping hand.”
How to use a dildo with a partner
Dildos are such a fantastic addition to your collection that it would be rude to keep all the fun for yourself. Consider handing a dildo over to your partner, or try out a harness/strap on kit for hands-free penetration.
“Remind partners that dildos — in fact all sex toys — are teammates rather than competitors,” Bere advises. “Embrace them, enjoy their support, their stamina, and the pleasure they bring.”
And for the threesome fantasy fanatics out there, dildos could be a fab way to test out your desires without the (sometimes complicated) step of having to add a real-life person to the mix.
“A dildo can be your stand-in third,” Bere notes. “Dildos with a suction cup leave your hands free or stick to a large mirror so your partner can watch that too. Also, many dildos are compatible with strap-on harnesses, perfect for some pegging fun!”
If you’re using it to anally penetrate a penis-having partner, read our guide to pegging first:
What to look for when buying a dildo
You might be thinking: A dildo is a dildo, right? And while it can be easy to get overwhelmed when buying a dildo, there are lots of options available that appeal to some more than others.
“You've heard the saying, different strokes for different folks, right?,” says Bere. “The wonderful thing about sexual pleasure is that we are all different in our wants and needs. What feels good for one person may not for the other, so picking a dildo is very subjective,” she explains.
There is so much sex tech available on the market right now that vibrators can often be overlooked for their vibrating counterparts, Bere adds, but dildos are a deceptively versatile sex toy that can be used by sex toy aficionados and beginners alike.
If you’re new to shopping for sex toys, there are some key criteria to look out for, Bere warns. “Avoid anything made of porous materials and think about how you want to use it,” she says. “For example, do they have a sucker base you can attach to a bath/wall/chair and use hands free in certain positions? Are they strap-on compatible? Do they have a flared base that makes them suitable for anal?”
And though it can be tempting to jump in at the deep end (ahem) with an eight-inch whopper, beginners should consider opting for something less large. “If you are a beginner, my recommendation would be to start with a 6-inch liquid silicone toy,” Bere recommends.
“These have some flexibility and softness to them which are perfect for those dipping their toes (or vaginas) into, and 6 inches isn't too big to start with. If you think you would find 6 inches too much, look for 5 inches but also remember you can insert it in as much or as little as you wish.”
More experienced users might want to opt for something more experimental, though. “A dildo doesn’t have to look like a penis,” Bere adds. “Don't be afraid to go for other styles or shapes that you think you would like — from tentacles and tongues, to glass, and bright fluorescent colours.”
Best dildos to shop in 2025
Pros
- Super floppy silicone
- Strong suction base
- She's pretty in pink and purple
Cons
- 6 inches might be too much for beginners
Pros
- Great for beginners
- Neutral colour so not too flashy
Cons
- Doesn't have a lifelike tip
Wet for Her StartHer Kit Harness and Strap-on Dildo
Pros
- Choose between different dildo widths
- Comes with 2 O rings to upgrade to bigger dildo
- Realistic tip
Cons
- Sizing only goes up to 5X
Lifelike Lover Classic Realistic Dildo Vibrator 6 Inch
Pros
- Comes in three skin shades
- Life-like texture
- Has separate controller
Cons
- Control powered by a wire
Pros
- Great for temperature play
- Curved for G-spot stimulation
- Easy to clean
Cons
- Base isn't flared enough for anal
Pros
- Flared base and tapered tip makes it A-okay for anal
- Ribbed for added stimulation
Cons
- Not the prettiest dildo out there
Creature Cocks Uni-Glow Glow-in-the-Dark Rainbow Silicone Dildo
Pros
- Plenty of texture
- Fun colours
Cons
- Slightly longer than 6 inches so may be too much for some
Lois Shearing is Cosmoplitan's Former Senior Sex and Relationship Writer. They have been writing about sex, sexuality, gender, politics, and relationships for almost ten years. Their writing on these topics has appeared in Mashable, The Independent, Metro, The Advocate, and Byline Times, among others. In 2021, they published their first book, Bi the Way with JKP. They are currently working on two other books, set to be published in 2024. In a previous life, they worked as a content marketer and content writer for various tech start-ups. They continue to be interested in the tech sector and its impact on our lives, relationships, and work, with particular regard to the ways AI will shape our relationships in the future. Outside of work, they are deeply passionate about queer community organising, and run the only support resource for bisexual survivors of sexual violence in the UK: the Bi Survivors Network. You can find them on Instagram and X.
Honey is the Senior Sex and Relationships E-commerce Writer for Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health and Men’s Health. She covers shopping guides and reviews of the best sex toys; deals events — including Amazon Prime Day and Black Friday; and sex, dating, and LGBTQ+ trends.
Her journalism career started in 2020 when she started Sextras, a podcast and digital magazine about sex and relationships. Find Sextras on Spotify or Substack, where she writes and chats about everything from positive masculinity and how to practise sex magic, to why the latest kink or porn category is blowing up.
She has an MA in Magazine Journalism from City, University of London, and previously reported for HR magazine. Her features also appear in Glamour, Refinery29, The Independent, and more.
When she's not asking everyone she meets invasive questions about their sex and dating lives, you'll find Honey singing around her flat, teaching herself a new craft, or working her way through a new '90s/'00s box set with her flatmate.
