Dr Clare Morrison, A GP for MedExpress, explains whether your first time should hurt, and how to minimise any potential pain.
It’s quite normal to feel a bit nervous about having sex for the first time, but there’s no need to worry. It’s what your body is designed for.
What's all this about the hymen?
The hymen is a ring of tissue at the opening of the vagina. Before you were born it was totally closed, but an opening appears at an early stage of life, so that by the time your periods start, the blood can come out through it. Lots of activities including sport, riding a bicycle or inserting a tampon tend to make the hole bigger. By the time you have sex there may not be much hymen left at all. If there is, it may tear a little during intercourse, which might feel uncomfortable and cause a few spots of blood, but this is nothing to worry about.
Why might sex hurt the first time?
You're not relaxed
Sex can be more painful if you’re feeling tense and anxious, so try to relax. Make sure you have effective contraception so that’s one less thing to worry about. Enjoy this stage and get to know each other’s bodies gradually. Have sex once you’re fully aroused and ready. Guide your partner gently so that you feel in control, and tell them if you want to adjust your position or ease off a bit.
You have thrush
If you have thrush (a yeast growth which is very common in the vagina) you will get soreness and irritation, causing discomfort during intercourse.
You're allergic to latex
It is also possible to be allergic to the latex that condoms are made of. Symptoms range from itching and redness to a full-on allergic reaction with difficulty breathing and dizziness, though this is very rare. Non-latex condoms are available as an alternative.
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Your partner isn't being patient enough
Your partner can help a lot to make your first experience of sex something to remember for all the right reasons. A good partner will be patient, gentle, loving and responsive. It’s important that you trust them, and they should be happy to use a condom.
How to prevent any potential pain
It’s important to be aroused before you have sex, so don’t rush things and take time to be intimate beforehand. With sexual stimulation, your vagina produces plenty of natural lubrication in the form of mucus, though there’s no harm in boosting it with some water-based lubricant if you want to be sure.
It will also help to gently stretch the vaginal opening using your fingers beforehand, so that you feel more confident about penetration. Losing your virginity may feel a little strange and perhaps even uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be unbearable.
Paisley is the former Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK. She covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.
