Back in 2023, peak dating-app-screenshot era, there was nothing that elicited more Twitter discourse than a dude doing the bare minimum when trying to woo a woman. Or, more accurately, being perceived to be doing the bare minimum. Take, for example, poor Vance, who found himself at the centre of a social media storm after daring to propose getting an ice cream on a first date (on a hot day! Sounds nice IMO!). Or that guy who got dragged for having the gall to suggest a pub near his flat as a possible date location.
But fast-forward just three short years, and, for many daters, there’s nothing less appealing than being wined and dined. These days, it’s all about low-pressure dating. And, as always, there’s several buzzy ways to get on board. You might try ‘stack dating’: fitting dates in around your schedule, not the other way around; for example, a quick lunch date, first date drinks before grabbing dinner with your pals, or a morning coffee before your HIIT class. Or maybe you’re more of a ‘choremancing’ kinda gal: bringing a date along while you tick off your to-do list, whether that’s inviting them on a dog walk, dragging them around B&Q, or getting them round to mow your lawn, build your modular IKEA sofa, or paint your living room (wait, sorry, no, that’s Taskrabbit).
According to Tinder’s Year in Swipe report, these playful, low-pressure activities, like a walk or a coffee, were the most popular first date choices in 2025. And singles are looking for this same vibe in their dates too, with 35% saying they want a ‘low-key lover’ — someone chill but fun — and 28% saying they enjoy having a crush even if it doesn’t lead anywhere.
There’s logic behind this switch. In practical terms, we’re still in the midst of a cost-of-living crisis — and dating is expensive. In fact, according to Happn, 41% of people are skipping dates due to the cost or opting for free date activities. But beyond that, dating is just generally no walk in the park RN (unless you’re going for a walk in the park… ha ha ha?). Instead, it’s basically a full-time job: before you even get to the date, you’ve had to spend hours building your profile, swiping, and chatting, only for the eventual meet-up to often go nowhere. For better or worse, then, it makes sense that daters are trying to streamline this process in whatever way they can, whether that’s opting for an app like Breeze that cuts out the pre-date chat, quitting the apps altogether, or trying to merge their romantic lives more with their personal ones by, yes, going running with their love interests.
What’s more, at a time when dating is loaded with stress and anxiety, approaching first dates with a low-stakes attitude (if it doesn’t work out, at least you picked up your dry cleaning) can actually make them more fun, which in turn can lead to happier experiences, better connections, and a more positive outlook. That’s not to say we’re giving apathy or indifference a pass on first dates and beyond — daters are increasingly looking for ‘chalance’ in potential partners, i.e. honesty, effort, and enthusiasm.
“A low-stakes approach to dating can be incredibly freeing,” agrees Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney’s resident sex and relationship expert. “When you remove the pressure to impress, to reach milestones quickly, or to fit into a particular narrative, it creates space for genuine connection and self-discovery.”
Plus, she adds: “There’s also a resilience that comes with it. When things don’t work out, it feels less like a personal failure and more like part of the process. That mindset can make dating feel less daunting and more like something you can engage with on your own terms.”
Knight notes that this mindset tends to reduce anxiety — something that’s true for sexual experiences, too. “If you’re not constantly worrying about outcomes, whether that’s defining the relationship, reaching orgasm, or being perceived a certain way, you’re far more likely to stay present and actually enjoy the experience. That’s often when intimacy feels most fulfilling. Rather than seeing sex as something to ‘get right’, there’s more emphasis on exploration and personal comfort.”
Anecdotally, there’s also been a rise of people opting for a friends-first approach to dating, even on the apps. 23-year-old Tamuka tells Cosmo that she’s noticed more people writing ‘looking for friends’ in their profiles, suggesting they’re looking to get to know people, whether it turns into a romance or not. “It can make things feel less awkward if it doesn’t work out,” she says. “And, to be fair, some of my friends have actually ended up forming genuine friendships with people they’ve met on dating apps.”
It’s famously said that friendship is the foundation of a good relationship, but our modern dating culture flips that on its head: instead of getting to know someone and then developing romantic feelings, on first dates, we’re now faced with someone we already fancy in a high-pressure, arguably pretty unnatural, getting-to-know-you environment. Going into it with friendship, rather than romance, in mind can take the burden off and will likely help you loosen up (and if you do fancy them, it could even build sexual tension… bonus!).
But when everything is a trend, how can you tell if you’re genuinely approaching dating and sex from this kind of open, easy-going place, or if you’re just performing it? “The key is checking in with your motivations,” says Knight. “Are you doing something because it feels right for you or because it fits a trend or expectation? Genuine low-pressure dating is rooted in self-awareness and honesty. That might mean being clear about your boundaries, acknowledging when you do want emotional connection, or allowing yourself to change your mind. It’s not about being detached or indifferent, it’s about being intentional without forcing outcomes.”
And how can we all reach this state of chill enlightenment? We’ve gotta talk to each other! “Being open about what you want, even if that’s, ‘I’m not sure yet’, creates a much more grounded dynamic than trying to appear effortlessly chill,” says Knight. “Authenticity tends to come through in those small, honest moments, rather than in how relaxed you appear on the surface.”
I don’t know about you, but there’s nowhere I feel more authentically myself than doing the big shop in Tesco. New date idea?
