Joy is looking at her vulva in the mirror. She lubes up her hand with oil and moves it around the entirety of her vulva, feeling the outer labia, before moving onto the clitoris. She begins to feel arousal, a feeling that’s been foreign to her for years, because Joy isn’t touching herself alone in her bedroom. No - she’s on the set of Virgin Island.
While exploring her body for the first time in years, a camera crew documents her every touch as she and her sexological bodyworker Ilil work together to undo the early beliefs Joy was taught around sex, and pleasure. Aged 12, a religious service caused Joy to feel shame over masturbation and 10 years on, aged 22, she’s struggling with vaginismus, and has found it impossible to have sex.
That’s where Virgin Island comes in. The Channel 4 show arrived last April to a cacophony of internet chatter, think pieces and it’s fair share of critique, with reviews ranging from "icky, uncomfortable sexperiment" to "surprisingly empathetic".
The aim was simple - a group of British adult virgins travel to a luxury retreat in order to go on a unique course to overcome their intimacy anxiety. However, the show was anything but. Across six episodes audiences got to know the group of 12 virgins and experts Dr Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, who lead the group in a variety of workshops aimed at unlearning behaviours and getting them comfortable with intimacy. The virgins would then individually have sessions with sex surrogates for one on one time in order to enable them to practice feeling comfortable or learn certain elements of sex.
The series ended with a BAFTA nomination for Channel 4 and one of the 12 participants losing his virginity on the show to his sex surrogate.
And now it's back. The second season just kicked off Channel 4, introducing us to a whole new group of adult virgins, ranging in age from 21 to 35, from across the UK, all of whom struggle with intimacy. The series will look at a number of sexual issues continuing to impact young people, on and off the screen, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and in Joy’s case, vaginismus.
But what is it actually like to be one of the virgins heading to the island? We spoke to Joy to find out.
Getting on the show
"I found the [Virgin Island] ad in a Vaginismus support group. I thought 'who on Earth would apply for that?' I took a screenshot anyway and didn't think any more about it for a few weeks,” 22-year-old Joy from Falmouth tells me a few days before the release of Virgin Island season two. “I [then] got out of a relationship, and started to lose hope thinking 'am I ever going to conquer this thing [vaginismus]'. I'd hit a low point and I just found it in my camera roll, just out of curiosity I thought okay, what was this thing? And I decided last minute I was going to apply for it.”
For context, Vaginismus is a medical condition that causes vaginal muscle spasms whenever penetration is attempted. According to the NHS, it's the "body's automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration."
And it's a condition Joy has been suffering with for years, in part due to religious shame, which she was eventually officially diagnosed with a few years ago. Though she's had romantic relationships in the past, they've never progressed into the physically penetrative area of sex because of her condition and she was hoping to change that with Virgin Island.
Having never seen the first season, Joy sent off her application nine minutes before the deadline closed and was called the next day by a casting agent. After that the application process was quick and in October last year Joy found herself turning up on an island in Croatia for an experience unlike any other.
A day in the life of a Virgin Island contestant
A typical day on Virgin Island begins with contestants waking up in their individual beachside tents (which yes, they really did sleep in) and heading to breakfast. The food, Joy is happy to report was actually "lovely, it was Mediterranean style, super healthy. I think all our skin had never looked better. Literally we were just glowing." They would then be taken off to a group workshop somewhere on the island.
Across the two series group workshops have involved a group nudity drawing class, an animal game, and examining themselves in the mirror. The group are never told explicitly what the workshop will be before they arrive, however each morning they are given an envelope which will give them some indication of what the workshop will involve.
However, just because they don't know what the activity will involve it doesn't mean they have to participate. "We weren't made to do anything at all," Joy clarifies. "If we were uncomfortable we were told we should absolutely voice that. You might notice in the first season there were certain people who were not shown as much and that was because they didn't feel like participating. So [if] they didn't participate, they couldn't be filmed participating because they didn't do it and that's why they had less representation."
After the workshop there's dedicated chill out time, before their individual sessions with either their surrogate partner or sexological bodyworker. There's a key distinction between the two - surrogate partners can receive and give touch, while sexological bodyworkers only give touch, which is what Joy opted for in her experience on the show.
So could they chose who they partnered with? Well not exactly. Joy revealed the therapists met up prior to filming and pairing up the cast with different therapists, based on their individual needs.
"The way that it was described to us was that the therapists all got together and spoke about us and saw our profiles, and spoke about who would be the best fit for each person," she explained. "So I wouldn't say we got the choice but I actually don't think anyone was really upset with their pairing."
The surrogate partners were a point of contention during the airing of last season, with many viewers bringing up questions of consent. However, Joy clarifies all the contestants are asked three times before engaging in any activity.
"I think there maybe a misconception around the last season, in a sense of 'oh my goodness these older therapists are grooming these young people and they're just sort of rushing them into this room and doing these things'. [But] actually behind the scenes that young person would have had to sign on three times on, and on camera as well and say 'I consent to doing this'," she reveals.
Learning about her body
For Joy it was during sessions like these in which she and Ilil would work on counteracting her beliefs around religious shame and getting to know her body. Joy ended up trusting Ilil a lot with her body, however the pair (like all others in the programme) are not allowed to be in contact following the end of filming.
"We knew going into it we were not going to have any kind of real communication or relationship with the therapists afterwards," Joy revealed. "Just as a safety precaution to make sure that any attachments that we formed didn't kind of deepen. Ultimately at the end of the day no matter the connection that we formed with our therapist it is their profession. And so for respecting their personal life, boundaries and privacy it was a sense we're going to keep this experience on the island so it doesn't go any further necessarily."
However, should the pair wish to communicate to each other something they are able to through a third party, and so Ilil was able to recommend Joy a vaginismus resource in for life post-Island.
And while they couldn't get to know their therapists beyond the confines of the workshops, Joy does hint that same rule doesn't extend to fellow cast members. "I mean I can't reveal too much. But I would say that connections were formed," she says when I ask if the group are allowed to make connections with each other beyond friendship.
Outside of this potential romance, the group became very close and the day would end with them celebrating their achievements of the day in sundowner sessions. And while they couldn't bring their phones they are allowed to read books or listen to MP3 players, which Joy shared with the group and resulted in a Taylor Swift dance party.
Life after Virgin Island
The show has only just begun and so when we chat Joy is unable to share exactly where her journey ended, but she describes the impact of going on Virgin Island as "psychological[ly] transformative."
She continues: "I feel almost like a totally different person, for such a short experience it really was life changing and I went out into the world afterwards with this renewed confidence."
As for how she feels about the potential millions of people watching her examine her vulva on national TV?
"Ilil instilled such a confidence in me," she ponders as we reach the end of our chat. "She just made me feel so safe and supported, and she was so sex positive which really helped. A lot of my journey on the island was having these moments of triumph of defiance over certain unwritten rules that I had [been] told were there and breaking through that barrier and doing something that's a bit taboo. I felt pretty empowered."
Virgin Island season two is currently airing on Channel 4 and Channel4.com
