The new series of Virgin Island has dropped and features a fresh new host of people looking to learn more about sex, overcome their fears and perhaps even do the deed itself – one such person is Joy, a 22-year-old from Falmouth. As viewers soon learn, Joy has been unable to have sex due to a condition called vaginismus, which is thought to impact around 2 in 1,000 females (although it's tricky to get data on it, as sadly so many feel shamed into silence).
Vaginismus is a condition that sees the the vagina tense up during penetration, and can make it difficult to insert a tampon, undergo a smear test or have sex. For those experiencing vaginismus, it can be both physically and emotionally painful, having a big impact on relationships.
"I started to realise there might be something wrong when I was 15 or 16," Joy tells Cosmopolitan UK. "It's probably a bit later than some people might realise and to be honest, I was in a bit of like an ignorance is bliss sort of state where it felt to me that that's not an area of my body that I should really explore."
She explains that her religious upbringing left her feeling afraid to explore sexually and get to know her own body, "For me to start exploring and to really admit to myself that something might be wrong, where I couldn't insert something, I couldn't have sex, would be to admit that I wanted to have sex before marriage. That felt like something that I couldn't do."
Joy adds, "That that would be like admitting to God – and admitting to myself – that I wanted to do something sinful. So I kept a bit of a lock on it for longer than I should have because I was ashamed. Eventually, I got to like 18-years-old and genuinely realised there was a problem. It took me till I was probably about 20 to go to the doctor and to get a diagnosis."
How to get a vaginismus diagnosis
For Joy, the first step was a doctor's appointment for an examination which quickly revealed the extent of her physical and psychological condition. "[Initially] I thought maybe it's just the hymen's in the way because I haven't had sex, maybe it'll just sort of break through, break open and everything will be fine. They went to to do an an examination and couldn't even barely touch me.
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"I was like squirming, wriggling off the bed, and in pain – they were barely even near anything, so I think that was their first indicator that I probably had vaginismus because there was a psychological response that was going on more than just a physical one. It was both of those things."
After a second attempt at an examination – and upon seeing that everything looked healthy – Joy says she was diagnosed with vaginismus.
Why does vaginismus happen?
According to the NHS, vaginismus is "an automatic reaction, which you do not have control over". It can sometimes even happen if you have enjoyed pain-free penetrative sex in the past, or been able to insert a tampon without issue.
Joy believes her religious background is what fed into her anxieties, which manifested physically. "For a long time, [I didn't realise] how much religious shame is connected to vaginismus. Not just for me, but for many many women. There's a link between experiencing certain religious messaging and this like psychological and physical condition, which I feel more women should maybe know about.
"I believe that the purity culture teachings that I was taught, the thing the messaging I heard was ended up being quite harmful and probably significantly contributed to the condition I have today."
One motivating factor for Joy when applying to appear on Virgin Island was the hope that sharing her story would not only raise awareness, given the few and far between portrayals of vaginismus on TV, but to perhaps encourage religious organisations to reconsider how they talk about sex.
"My hope is that certain religious organisations will kind of reflect on the messaging around sex that they're giving to young people, to see if that's something that will help them or harm them in their future life and sexual life."
Treatment options range from psychosexual therapy, to relaxation exercises and devices that you insert.
This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Jennifer Savin is Cosmopolitan UK's multiple award-winning Features Editor, who was crowned Digital Journalist of the Year for her work tackling the issues most important to young women. She regularly covers breaking news, cultural trends, health, the royals and more, using her esteemed connections to access the best experts along the way. She's grilled everyone from high-profile politicians to A-list celebrities, and has sensitively interviewed hundreds of people about their real life stories. In addition to this, Jennifer is widely known for her own undercover investigations and campaign work, which includes successfully petitioning the government for change around topics like abortion rights and image-based sexual abuse. Jennifer is also a published author, documentary consultant (helping to create BBC’s Deepfake Porn: Could You Be Next?) and a patron for Y.E.S. (a youth services charity). Alongside Cosmopolitan, Jennifer has written for The Times, Women’s Health, ELLE and numerous other publications, appeared on podcasts, and spoken on (and hosted) panels for the Women of the World Festival, the University of Manchester and more. In her spare time, Jennifer is a big fan of lipstick, leopard print and over-ordering at dinner. Follow Jennifer on Instagram, X or LinkedIn.
