Look, we get it: sometimes, sex advice can be… intimidating. That’s not us calling anyone a prude btw, it’s an acknowledgement that not everyone can immediately dive into the spicy stuff with the enthusiasm of a cheerleader and/or flexibility of a gymnast.
Sometimes we need something low effort, high reward – and that’s where edging comes in. Put simply, edging is when you repeatedly delay orgasm: taking yourself, or a partner, right to the point where they are just about to climax. From there, rather than continuing until orgasm, you stop, wait around 30 seconds and start again, repeating the routine as many times as is desired, until the person in question decides to orgasm.
Wondering why, exactly, someone might want to do this and turn climaxing into such a drawn-out endeavour? Well, some things are worth waiting for (and after an edging session, your orgasm tends to be far more intense, powerful and long-lasting – all things to celebrate).
What is edging?
Edging is the term used for a very specific technique, whether you're masturbating or a partner is giving you a helping hand. If you're going it alone, it requires you to bring yourself to the point of orgasm and then, just, stop.
It sounds... tricky, we get it. When you get to that point it can feel nigh-on impossible not to let yourself go. But it's worth it, believe us. Why? Because when you do climax, it's going to feel even better and be longer-lasting and more intense.
Sex expert Annabelle Knight explains, “It’s takes a surprisingly short amount of time to become proficient in edging, after a few short sessions in a few days you’ll find the quality of your orgasm improves. Most women [and people with vaginas] never look back after discovering edging.”
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What does edging feel like?
As you may have gathered, edging is all about adding some extra zhush to your orgasm. The results vary from person to person, but some people describe their post-edging climax as a whole-body, spine-tingling experience. For me, personally, it’s like the kind of orgasm that I had read about in SmutTok books but had never experienced IRL before.
Don’t believe me? Here’s what the good people of the internet had to say…
“When I finally came, it was so intense and my whole body shuttered and was spent.” (via Reddit)
“Edging is definitely a full-body experience. The pressure, the tension, is sooooo good.” (via Reddit)
“The thing I like most is that the pressure is building with every edge. Every edge makes me feel more sensitive and it takes more and more restrain not to cum with every next edge.” (via Reddit)
“I kept squirting and squirting and squirting; it felt like I was cumming for 10, 15 minutes.” (via Reddit)
How to edge: a sexologist explains
So, if you’re interested in edging, you’ll probably want some tips on how exactly to go about it. That’s where Alexa Andre comes in: the sexologist and overall sex expert (Samantha Jones, eat your heart out) is here with some key tips on how to master edging for curious beginners.
But, before we dive in: it’s worth noting the link between edging and gooning. Gooning, if you weren’t already aware, is essentially extreme edging: where self-described ‘gooners’ and ‘goonettes’ spend hours (days even) masturbating without climaxing, often with the aid of copious amounts of online porn.
The below tips are aimed at edging beginners, rather than seasoned gooners – so you’ll have a much gentler intro into edging. So, from knowing your ‘point of no return’ to setting a timer, here are some expert tips to get you started.
Know your 'point of no return' (PNR)
The first tip out of Andre’s mouth? “Learn your point of no return.” But what exactly does that mean?
Essentially, the point of no return (PNR) is the moment in which arousal meets orgasm – where you’re just about to tip over the edge and into climax. When you know your PNR, you will be able to know when to stop stimulation in order to stave off orgasm.
So, what are the signs that an orgasm is incoming? Well, most women and people who have vulvas find their breathing becomes sharper, their movements more mechanical and that all their attention is focused on their genitals.
Andre advises that, after identifying your PNR, you stay at around roughly “80% to 90%” of this state of arousal. So, once you feel your excitement levels creeping up to that high point, it’s important to stop all activity and let your body rest for at least 30 seconds (preferably a minute or two) or until it returns to a more normal state.
Once your sexual energy has subsided, it’s time to continue with your session. Repeat this process for as long as you can – three or four times should do it – but it’s worth noting that the longer you practise the better your end result will be.
Know when, or if, to experiment with toys
As a sex writer, I wouldn’t recommend using a sex toy for edging practice unless you find it takes you a very long time to reach your PNR without one. Some people with vulvas like to use small flat paintbrushes as the bristles provide a unique form of stimulation when continually stroked over the clitoris. This sensation lends itself to edging really well.
But, if you're after something a little more... vibratey, a wand vibrator is a really good shout. They're super powerful, but can be used on a low rumbly setting – and the large head (don't worry, it's just for external use) means your entire vulva, labia, the whole deal, gets involved and creates a fuller orgasm when you do come.
How to practise edging
Edging is really great but like anything worthwhile, takes practice and patience. Lots of people who try it fall at the first hurdle, and this is down to one simple fact; orgasms are great and it’s hard to say no to one when it’s knocking at your door. But if you keep at it, the results will 100% be worth it.
For those keen to do their edging homework, Andre recommends “setting a timer and increasing it, every time”. Essentially, start setting yourself a specific time-based goal about how long you will delay your orgasm for, then continue to push and prolong that during each try.
If you’re struggling to put off your orgasm, Andre recommends “breath control” – slow, grounding breaths to help reconnect with your body and bring you back from the edge.
So now that you know how to get started, find yourself a quiet, private space and plenty of lube: it’s time to get down to business…
Paisley is the former Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK. She covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
