As a lover of reality TV, I was an early joiner of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives fandom. I followed and championed Whitney Leavitt’s character arc over the last four seasons, I stood behind Mayci Nealy and Mikayla Matthews as if they were also my best friends, and I fell down Reddit thread rabbit holes dissecting Taylor Frankie Paul and Dakota Mortenson’s relationship. I’m a big fan. But I wasn’t ever exactly pining after their beauty routines and cosmetic procedures, per se.
Don’t get me wrong: They’re all gorgeous women. It’s just that I am the complete opposite of the beauty standard in Utah, where long (usually fake) blonde hair, overfilled and frozen faces, and perfectly tanned skin rule. I’m a lesbian in Brooklyn, with (albeit also unnatural) red hair that’s chopped into a bob haircut, who lives in bare, short nails yet is the opposite of a “clean girl.” On a Venn diagram of Utah beauty standards and my personal beauty ideal, very little lies in the middle. Which is precisely why I wanted to try my hand at the look, once and for all. The unlikeliness of it intrigues me.
What surprised me most? I really liked it (until reality set in).
What I tried
It took about a month and a half for all of these appointments to line up (hard work, huh?), but once everything was installed, injected, and applied, I had two whole months to live as my best Mormon Wife self. In Brooklyn, of course.
Hair Extensions
This was the first step of my transformation and easily the most life-changing. After a few hours in a salon chair, I went from a fine, thin, scraggly bob to my dream hair: a medium-length, layered cut that hit just above my bra line. It’s not the most biblically accurate to my favorite Mormon Wives, who constantly opt for 24-inch extensions from Jessie Draper’s salon, JZ Styles. But this felt like a trendier, NYC-esque option that still fit the bill (and wouldn’t look so drastically unnatural; I’ve never even had hair this long in my entire life).
I went with K-tip extensions (from Great Lengths), which are easier to hide on my fine hair and can stay in for three to four months. Many of the Mormon Wives seemingly do tape-ins, which are great for hair that’s already thick (and also don’t cost as much money—a set will run you anywhere from $400 to $900, unlike the average $500 to $1,200 cost for K-tips).
Lip Filler
As for what got me the most compliments? A syringe of RHA filler in my lips. On one of the first episodes of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Mayci, Mikayla, and Whitney all go to the med spa for injections, noting that while there are rules in the Church of Latter-day Saints against alcohol and caffeine consumption, there aren’t any guidelines on injectables, like fillers and Botox. And thank god for that!
Botox
Dare I say, Botox is the unsung hero of all beauty treatments. I’ve been getting some type of neuromodulator for three years. I don’t think it’s necessary if you don’t have static wrinkles though. I started getting it for TMJ in my masseter, temples, and 11s, and most of all, it helps reduce my headaches and clenching. I’d taken about a year off, though, and was really ready to get a few pricks to fulfill this experiment.
I get Daxxify, another type of neuromodulator that’s thought to be longer-lasting and kicks in faster. I’ve gotten it a few times since it first debuted on the market in 2023, and it’s easily my favorite of everything I’ve tried (Botox, Xeomin, Dysport, etc.).
“Utah Curls”
IMO, this is just a new way to describe “beachy waves,” but the “Utah curls” describe the uniform, soft wave everyone in Utah seems to wear. They’re always done with a clamped curling iron, and the ends are always straightened out. That’s the rule.
To test it myself, I followed Jessi’s tutorial to a T. She uses a 1.25-inch curling iron, but my hair is a bit shorter and finer, so I went with my go-to 1-inch iron. And it looked fine (more on this below).
Spray Tan
The Mormon Wives always have a soft glow to their skin. Sugared and Bronzed hooked me up with the most gorgeous tan for the Grammys in February, and since then, I’ve been a few more times when I want to look glowy for a special event. For the most part, though, I opt for at-home self-tanners. I would rather protect my skin from the sun and bask in fake tan than get the real thing and risk skin cancer. And if the Mormon Wives do the same, hell yeah!
What I didn’t try
Blonde Hair
I’m no stranger to a full head of highlights, but it’s just not my look anymore. To be fair, many of my favorite Mormon Wives have abandoned the Utah blonde standards, so I don’t feel so bad for not diving in headfirst.
Breast Augmentation
Not that I’m opposed at all to plastic surgery, but a few months off of life for recovery just wasn’t in the cards right now. But this is very standard in Utah culture, and I’d be remiss to ignore how pervasive it is to their beauty standards. Nearly everyone on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has had some type of breast augmentation, whether that be a lift or implants.
Lash Extensions
I take heated workout classes and love removing my eye makeup at night, which makes me a very bad candidate for lash extensions (you can’t get them wet or sweat too much). Really good mascara and a lash curler, it is!
What I Noticed
Men paid way more attention to me. (Women? Less so.)
Aside from the random catcall here and there, men don’t pay attention to me. Win! I’m not after male validation, so I don’t really care. But in the last few months, random men from my past (before I realized I was gay) flooded my DMs. A few guys came up to me at a bar. Interesting.
Unfortunately, this sudden interest in me did not extend to people I actually would want to date. Phone? Dry. DMs? Dry. Dating apps? Dry. It was Pride Month and I somehow didn’t even meet a single prospect. Not that my whole purpose for trying this all out was to procure a lover, but it makes me think. Confidence, evidently, doesn’t always equal an immediate romantic response.
I grew up being told that men liked long hair, which may be why I’ve subconsciously had short hair since birth as an act of unknowing defiance. And I guess this proves it? But I didn’t anticipate such a bland response from basically anyone else. It’s likely that with longer hair, plump lips, and a tan, I appear far less “traditionally queer.” I’ve always looked straight-passing, even with bangs and a short haircut, but this might be why men seemed significantly more interested in me in the past few months.
Getting ready didn’t take any longer.
I assumed that my Mormon Wife transformation would immediately double my getting-ready time in the morning. On the contrary! Because I already had a glow to my skin (thanks, self-tanner), hair that lasted a few days styled, and a natural definition to my lips, I actually spend less time prepping for the day in the mirror.
The only thing that took a long time was the Utah Curls. Honestly, though, that style was probably my least favorite way to wear my hair throughout this whole experiment. A big, bouncy curl set à la Sabrina Carpenter is still my favorite look. I couldn’t do this without extensions, so it feels new and exciting. A beachy wave? Eh, I could do that with any length to some extent.
How did I feel?
More confident (but also hyperfocused on my appearance).
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that all of these beauty treatments did do exactly what they were supposed to do: make me feel beautiful. With long, thick hair that I didn’t have to grow myself and a face sans fine lines, I move through the world as bold as brass. It feels good. I’m convinced this is the best I’ve ever looked. I won’t deny it.
However, that confidence doesn’t quite feel unshakeable. I had a genuine panic attack at the thought of how much the upkeep of these hair extensions will cost. I double-check my lips in the mirror to make sure they’re not lumpy. I zoom in on every photo of my face, taking notes of any new lines that form and jot down that I’ll need to get that injected ASAP.
I’m a beauty editor; obviously, vanity is in the job description. But I do feel like this whole experiment has put up a mirror to everything I was already insecure about and doubled it. I finally feel better about myself, but at what cost? When I look at myself before all of this, I feel ashamed. That was never the goal.
The Final Verdict
I don’t exactly know where this all leaves me. I love aspects of the whole Utah Mormon Wife look. I feel more confident in myself with longer hair. I get fewer headaches with Botox. A subtle glow to my skin makes me excited to wear short skirts and sleeveless dresses. And isn’t that the goal? To feel better about myself?
But I’m also acutely aware that none of these treatments is permanent, and it eats away at me. The money, time, and energy it would take to keep all this up? I don’t know how MomTok is doing it (well, it’s probably all those sponsored TikToks).
I’m taking some of it and leaving others. For now, I still love having more hair to play with and style, so I’m getting my extensions reinstalled for a few more months. But I feel good in my skin right now and don’t need any more Botox or filler. What I have now should last through the end of the year (and probably longer, especially for filler), so we’ll see how I feel when it starts to fade. It’s not that the results weren’t good. I just want to get back to feeling more like myself. Salt Lake City might not be the place for me, and that’s totally fine. Someone’s gotta hold it down in Bushwick, after all.
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Beth Gillette is the beauty editor at Cosmopolitan with eight years of experience researching, writing, and editing hair, makeup, nail, and fragrance stories.
Beth Gillette is the beauty editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers skincare, makeup, hair, nails, and more across digital and print. She can generally be found in bright eyeshadow furiously typing her latest feature or hemming and hawing about a new product you "have to try." Prior to Cosmopolitan, she wrote and edited beauty content as an Editor at The Everygirl for four years. Follow her on Instagram for makeup selfies and a new hair 'do every few months.
