If all the recent lust for Alexander Skarsgård in Wicker has affirmed anything, it’s that we, as a people, all get a little feral for whacky things from time to time. And if anyone is unashamed to admit that, it’s us. Which is exactly why I tapped my charmingly unhinged colleagues and asked them to tell me about their own personal “Hear Me Out” crushes, and naturally, everyone delivered.

This wasn't about making a case for a niche celebrity or unsuspecting office crush, I have no interest in that! This was about sharing who and what we’re unreasonably horny for, like brand mascots, animations, fictional characters, and straight-up inanimate objects. You know, just stuff that might make your therapist look at you with a slightly judgmental squinty-eye and head tilt.

But respectfully, we don’t care about that. The below non-exhaustive list is full of any and all things that could get it in a millisecond. And we stand on that. Read through and then tell us who you would add.

Adult Simba

A lion character with a flowing mane confidently posing in a lush jungle setting.

Jessie from Toy Story

A character with red hair and a cowboy hat peeks around a corner, with toys visible in the background.

Jack Frost from The Rise of the Guardians

A young character with white hair and blue eyes, holding onto a rope and smiling.

Mr. Peanut

Peanut character in a top hat sitting in a chair, holding a cane against a yellow background.

Ghostface, both the Scream and Scary Movie versions

A figure in a ghostly mask and black robe holds a blood-stained knife, set against a domestic interior.

The Brown M&M

Animated brown M&M character wearing glasses and high heels, posing confidently at a social event.

The Green M&M

Stylized green M&M character posing confidently in white boots and gloves against a dark background.

Anger from Inside Out

Furious animated character with red skin, an angry expression, and a formal outfit, conveying intense emotion.

The Monopoly Man *with* the monocle

A cartoon character wearing a top hat and suit, carrying a money bag against a yellow background.

Moe Doodle from The Doodlebops

A performer with bright red hair and colorful costume poses with a broom in a vibrant, whimsical setting.

The Jolly Green Giant on the frozen vegetables

A green character adorned with leaves, smiling against a blue background.

Scooby-Doo

A cartoon dog with a happy expression, wearing a blue collar, against a bright yellow background.

Johnny Bravo

Cartoon character with blonde hair and sunglasses, striking a confident pose against a purple background.

Lego Batman

A close-up of a smiling Lego Batman figure against a bright yellow background.

Chester the Cheetah

A cartoon cheetah character wearing sunglasses, striking a playful pose with one paw raised.

Slade from Teen Titans

A stylized character in a blue and orange costume wielding swords, against a futuristic background.

Beast Boy from Teen Titans

Teenage green-skinned character with blue hair and a mischievous smile, striking a pose against a dark background.

Nick Wilde from Zootopia

A confident fox character wearing a floral shirt and tie, with a smirk in a colorful background.

Gill from Finding Nemo

Stylized cartoon fish with a frown and distinctive blue and yellow markings against a light blue background.

Jeff Goldblum specifically as the Grandmaster in the MCU

A character with gray hair and colorful costume, staring intently with a futuristic background.

The Other Mother in Coraline

A character with button eyes and a playful expression, holding a small insect, against a red backdrop.

Tim Allen as Santa Claus in The Santa Claus series

Santa Claus holding a snow globe, wearing a festive red sweater and hat indoors.

Vecna from Stranger Things

A grotesque, humanoid creature with a contorted face and spiky, fleshy protrusions in a dark environment.

Mr. Clean (obviously)

A muscular cartoon character with a bald head and a confident smile, wearing a white shirt against a blue background.

The Grinch

The Grinch wearing a Santa hat, with a snowy background, expressing a surprised or bemused facial expression.

Victor Van Dort from Corpse Bride

A tall, slender character with large eyes and a formal suit, set against a moonlit background.

The Kool-Aid Man

A cheerful red mascot waving with ice cubes splashing out, set against a blue background.

Mordecai from Regular Show

A blue jay cartoon character with half-closed eyes and a skeptical expression.

Danny Phantom

A young hero with white hair and a black suit, glowing blue in a dynamic pose within a dark environment.

Roxanne from A Goofy Movie

A cartoon character with long brown hair and a turquoise shirt, smiling in a colorful background.

The Disney Fox version of Robinhood

A clever fox dressed as Robin Hood, leaning against a tree with a smile, ready to engage with his audience.

Wade from Elemental

A translucent character in a yellow shirt, smiling and standing with hands clasped, alongside another character and objects.

Tony the Tiger

tony the tiger