Which ‘YSPSFAGSIL’ Song Are You, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

Current Cosmo cover girl Olivia Rodrigo spent her first two albums perfecting the breakup anthem, and on her third, most recent, you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love, she finally turned the lens on the scarier part: actually being in love. Her newest release splits cleanly down the middle. Side A, “girl so in love,” is all fluttering, brain-rotted infatuation, and Side B, “you seem pretty sad,” is the cold sweat underneath it. In her Cosmo cover story, Olivia said, “I want to make love songs you cry to,” and you can feel exactly that fault line running through the record.

Which, naturally, made my astrologer brain immediately start assigning a zodiac sign for each song. Nothing exemplifies crying to love songs quite like a birth chart roast. Below, see which song from YSPSFAGSIL completely embodies your Sun, Moon, and Rising signs.

“my way”

“My way” is surely Aries. She’s the firecracker, the smoke show, and the diva all wrapped into one lovely persona. The pride the Ram gets from being the woman who won feeds her satisfaction within a relationship. Somehow she ends up with the person she felt like she had to put up a bit of a fit over. Maybe she likes the passion, or maybe she enjoys being the dominant one.

“begged”

The simplistic yearning for a stable love, to feel fed by their lover—that’s “begged,” Taurus’s love ballad. Despite the song singing about patience and forgiveness, there’s a bitter undertone of resentment. Wanting silence, wanting to watch movies on the TV, as signals of devotion: these are aspirational to the fixed earth sign. Carelessly, though, Taurus sometimes ends up in silly situations, taking what they’re given while being underfed.

“stupid song”

When you catch a Gemini in love, they are basically popping out — they get so bubbly and cute. The free-spirited nature of falling so deeply into desire over someone that it basically drives you insane captures the most vulnerable expressions of Gemini’s open-heartedness. Of course “stupid song” is theirs.

“honeybee”

“Honeybee” has to be Cancer—and I’m sorry I almost assigned them “drop dead.” It’s the inability to fully describe what it feels like to let yourself love someone, but knowing you want to take time to appreciate their face. That fragile expression of sentimental value is the kind of hope that keeps hopeful romantics alive. So here’s to hoping — and here’s to you, Cancer.

“cigarette smoke”

Dramatic and loyal, Leo is the perfect fit for “cigarette smoke.” Somehow disclosing a gentle flex—that she was easy to make love to—fits the brand of Leo pride. They’re the best for a reason. The theatric rejection, captured by the one who was unable to fill the part, aligns so well with Leo’s desire to cast the right lover. If you’re not bringing your best face, then “the memories go dark.”

“maggots for brains”

There’s something seemingly sarcastic about “maggots for brains,” but in a dry, not-necessarily-rude way. This hypercritical bit of self-reflection hits just like an earthquaking analysis hosted in the dome of Virgo. Virgo, having a mutable modality, knows all too well what it’s like to feel head over heels and a little dysfunctional—because they’re trying to balance love and the real world.

“u + me = <3”

Of course “u + me = <3” is all about Libra’s lovesick self. Libras are the type to be thinking about genetics and chemistry instead of actual algebraic expressions. Sweet behavioral demonstrations—like carving names into car-seat leather and wishing to keep their partner (in crime) forever and ever and ever—fit too easily into the insanity that is Libra as a lover.

“drop dead”

“Drop dead” seems much more like a Scorpio song—though honorable mention to Cancer, because this one was almost yours. The difference between Cancer and Scorpio? Cancer might write about her crush and let herself feel especially fluffy and lovey-dovey. It’s Scorpio who’s stalking on the internet, running through your birth chart, and calling it feminine intuition. The song is also titled “drop dead,” which is on brand for Scorpio.

“what’s wrong with me”

I’m giving “what’s wrong with me” to the 13th sign of the zodiac. Why? Because maybe we can start questioning it — considering how it’s a big question mark in the sky.

Add Cosmopolitan as a preferred source in your Google search results.

Use your Google account to add this to your settings.

Add to Google settings

“less”

“Less” is, ironically, Sagittarius’s love ballad because of course they’re the heartbreaker of the zodiac. The “overthinker” self-identification is the exact intellectualism-as-defense-mechanism that Sagittarius engages in. When showing low energy doesn’t work, they wish for less. Must suck being so charismatic.

“the cure”

Capricorn energy is funny because, on their worst behavior, they enter relationships with unfair expectations. A therapist-in-training’s opinion, for you: a person cannot be an antidote. Yes, I know—this sad love song is all metaphors about being too hard on yourself. Sorta seems like something a Saturnian-ruled sign would sing about. It rings true because, in a way, Capricorns would love for someone to show them a cure for how pain feels.

“expectations”

Aquarius is the type to meet someone with bright, unconventional red flags and then let that push her through a spiritual breakthrough. As a Saturnian sign, Aquarius thrives when she sets expectations. Why? Because boundaries, blocks, and barriers are how she knows her lover is worth her time. She takes careful consideration before giving her heart away.

“purple”

At her best, Pisces describes how she sees the world based on which color she sees life in. Unless you’re willing to sit and intuit what’s meant by the world being “purple,” the watery notion might seem hard to understand—sound like any zodiac sign in particular? Pisces is “purple,” all airy sound and avant-garde lyrics.