The woman-on-top — otherwise known as ‘cowgirl’ or ‘the rider’ — is on of the most popular sex positions. Whether you’re riding a penis, a sex toy, or a strap-on, this angle is great for achieving G-spot orgasms (if you’re lucky enough to be able to have them), plus clitoral stimulation, eye contact, *and* leaves your hands free to roam. It’s a winner for a reason.
The majority of women and people with vulvas can’t orgasm through penetration alone, so this move is amazing for providing that extra edge with clitoral stimulation — either by grinding your clit as you ride, stimulating your clit with your fingers or a partner’s fingers, or using a vibrator. The choice is yours.
However, if you happen to be self-conscious, cowgirl can be a bit of a daunting position to adopt. You might worry about what to do with your arms while you’re up there, what your face looks like as you climax, or, if you struggle with your body image (as many of us sadly do), it can feel like a vulnerable position to try.
It can be hard to let go of these intrusive thoughts during sex, which of course tend to get in the way of us having a good time. So, to help you be as confident and comfortable as possible during cowgirl, we asked men (with fact-checking from sexperts) for a few tips on how to ride like a pro.
Firstly, a few pointers before you get started. Remember that you can never go wrong with honesty and communication, and that a major benefit of girl-on-top positions is that it allows plenty of room for using a clit vibrator.
So, without further ado, here are men’s top tips on how to ride dick like a pro. Oh, and in the name of ~journalism~ we asked our own in-house experts, as well as Kate Moyle, a sex and relationships therapist and the in-house expert for LELO, and Leanne Yau, a polyamory advocate, certified sex and relationships educator, and expert at Taimi, to share what they think about these pieces of advice...
Women on top tips
1.“Personally, I like when she gets on top and tries her best to make herself cum. It gets me so turned on to see her take command of her own orgasmic destiny. This is also the most common way for my wife and I to cum together.” [via]
Kate Moyle says: “Providing that the focus is on achieving orgasm because she wants to, rather than any pressure or expectation for it to have to happen for sex to be considered successful, then this is a great way of adapting this position. The dual stimulation of both the internal and external parts of the clitoris can really intensify pleasure, and the psychological aspect of both partners being so turned on by it is a real boost for both desire and arousal.”
2.“Don’t bounce too high... speed isn’t always the best. Going slow. Also, getting the right angle is important. Definitely ask which angle feels the best.” [via]
Moyle says: “Speed of sex is all about your preference and what feels possible and good for both of you, going slow or moving fast can offer different types of sensations and you may enjoy switching between the two. All bodies are different and so angle of penetration is important, as continuing with sex if it’s uncomfortable is only going to impact sex negatively — and nobody should continue with sex that’s causing them pain. A simple trick for changing the angle can be to place a pillow under the hips of the bottom partner.”
3.“Use your hips, not your legs. Also getting into a squat on your hands and feet, that’s extremely hot. And don’t forget to lean in and kiss us every now and then.” [via]
Moyle says: “Positions are about comfort — and whilst using your legs can be good they are likely to get tired quickly — they key thing with any position is that if it’s not working for you, then you don’t have to stick with it. And adapting positions to make them more comfortable is going to be dependent on the particular people and situation. You can use your hips in numerous movements and ways during sex, and the pelvic floor muscles play a key role in sex which can create different sensations when tensed and released.”
4.“This might be overly general advice, because it goes for everyone in most sex positions, but keep an eye on [your partner’s] reactions to what you’re doing. Both noises and facial expressions. If a particular speed, rhythm, or angle is really working for them you should be able to see it in their face and possibly hear it.” [via]
Moyle says: “The only way that you can really know what’s going on for them is by asking or checking in. A simple, ‘Does that feel good for you?’, ‘Is that working for you?’, or, ‘Do you want to carry on?’, is the best and simplest way to ask. Most of us aren’t taught about sexual communication and feel that if we have to ask we aren’t doing it right, when in fact the opposite is true.”
5.“Press their hands to your boobs while grinding them. It’s really hot!” [via]
Our experts say: “The little details can really transform a sex session into a mind-blowing experience. Eye contact, skin-on-skin touch, switching up moves and intensity, the noises you make — these things can all influence how much you both enjoy a girl-on-top sesh. Don’t hold back while you’re on top, express yourself and let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t — you’ll find it pays off for you both.”
6.“If you are riding someone, don’t try to lift off so far that just the tip is in you. In my experience, it is really hard to maintain that stopping point when both y’all really get into it. Try to just lift off half his length; in your enthusiasm you’ll probably get most of the way off him, but the chance of going too far is reduced.” [via]
Moyle says: “Again, this is about preference — adding lubricant can also help to give a slide or glide sensation, which can be a pleasure boost. If you are lifting off so far that it’s just the tip or that you pull out, just make sure you aren’t too too rough with re-entry, as this is when issues like penile fracture can happen with misaligned penetration (although this is rare).”
Lube recommendations
7.“No matter what you think you look like, you don’t need to be self-conscious. We are loving it, and we think you look hot as hell.” [via]
Moyle says: “Body confidence isn’t about how you look, it’s about how you feel, and we receive a lot of messages about how our bodies ‘should’ look which can breed feelings of self-consciousness. It’s much more important to focus on how your body feels and to give your attention to your pleasure — it’s also likely your partner worries about some parts of their body at points too, so you’re not alone. Being pre-occupied with how your body looks can be a real distraction, which can really inhibit your pleasure.”
8.“Get on. Close your eyes if you need to, just lose yourself, vibrate back and forth as I guide your hips, and gush all over my cock. Also, if you are really struggling with manoeuvrability issues during your first times together, reverse cowgirl is a great interim step, both physically and psychologically since eye contact isn’t a factor.” [via]
Our experts say: “Not sure we agree with this one. Reverse cowgirl is quite a difficult position to maintain and it doesn’t always feel great. Plus, if eye contact makes you anxious, your partner staring down your whole butthole in reverse cowgirl definitely will. Don’t skip to this move — it’s definitely an intermediate position and not a starter move.”
9.“You should be honest with each other and not just yourself. Switching positions if you’re getting tired is better than carrying on until you literally can’t do it anymore and it just becomes a pathetic attempt to get to the finish line. We go from cowgirl, to missionary, to sitting, and back to cowgirl for the big finish. If you need a break, take one.” [via]
Leanne Yau says: “Apart from switching positions to ensure there is a balance on who is using the most energy or who is being the more ‘active’ party during sex, you can also slow down to build anticipation or tease your partner as a more subtle way to catch your breath without switching up what you’re doing! I would also go a step further and say that you can take breaks from the sex entirely — if you’re overheating, overstimulated, or just plain exhausted, it’s okay to pause, cuddle, drink some water, and keep going.”
10.“If it’s uncomfortable or awkward for you, chances are they’re not enjoying it. 50% of my pleasure comes from knowing my wife is having a good time, and it’s easy to pick up when your partner isn’t enjoying it.” [via]
Yau says: “There is a huge misconception that sex must involve all parties being ‘locked in’ at all times, when ultimately the most important thing is that everyone is having fun. And just like any fun activity, it is important for the people involved to check in with themselves and each other about their energy and capacity, and taking breaks is a big part of that. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience for all parties, and it’s also a fabulous opportunity for connection — if one person is tiring themselves out to please the other, the feelings of fun and pleasure may turn into obligation and work.”
11. “Just relax, be yourself, and let yourself be sexual and feel everything, physically and emotionally. This isn’t the Olympics, it’s two people getting together to enjoy each other and have a nice time.” [via]
Our experts say: “This is key! Whether it’s from the sex we see in films or porn, there’s an idea that sex needs to look a certain way. When we ruminate on this, it takes us out of the moment, meaning sex stops being sex and becomes a performance. That isn’t fun for anyone involved. The only thing that matters in cowgirl and beyond is that it feels good — for you and your partner. If what your doing feels good, and you feel confident doing it, then you’re doing it right.”
Emilie Lavinia is Cosmopolitan UK's Former Sex and Relationships Editor. An accredited Sex Educator and Sexologist, Emilie explores identity, equity and innovations in sex, love, wellness and identity with her writing, broadcasting, coaching and commercial work. Emilie has written for the likes of The Guardian, Stylist, Grazia, Woman & Home, Red and Women's Health. She has appeared in documentaries exploring sex and wellbeing by ITV, Channel 5 and the BBC. Emilie has represented the UK as a United Nations Delegate and is a passionate advocate for women's health, LGBTQ+ rights and sex education and public health policy. She is a representative for Young Women's Trust, United Nations Women and The Porn Conversation and works with a number of charities. She loves big books, Bell Hooks, her infrared sauna and her Pomeranian, Ivy Valentine. She lives in London and can give you a rating out of 10 for every sex toy ever invented. Sign up to Emilie's Substack newsletter The Cuff for spice and advice or follow her on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or her website: emilielavinia.com
Lois Shearing is Cosmoplitan's Former Senior Sex and Relationship Writer. They have been writing about sex, sexuality, gender, politics, and relationships for almost ten years. Their writing on these topics has appeared in Mashable, The Independent, Metro, The Advocate, and Byline Times, among others. In 2021, they published their first book, Bi the Way with JKP. They are currently working on two other books, set to be published in 2024. In a previous life, they worked as a content marketer and content writer for various tech start-ups. They continue to be interested in the tech sector and its impact on our lives, relationships, and work, with particular regard to the ways AI will shape our relationships in the future. Outside of work, they are deeply passionate about queer community organising, and run the only support resource for bisexual survivors of sexual violence in the UK: the Bi Survivors Network. You can find them on Instagram and X.
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
