You think we’d have learned by now that it’s never okay to demand that anyone disclose their sexuality and that public speculation can be deeply distressing for people. And yet, the internet continues to internet and people still love to lose their minds and weigh in on whether or not someone might be LGBTQ+. Social media users *love* to haul people out of the closet and make wild assumptions. And today they’re calling for Kylie Jenner to cop to being in a relationship with her best friend.
“Just say you’re gay” tweeted one fan. “I know girls who do this, they’re called lesbians.” said another on Twitter. This came after the final episode of KUWTK aired. In the episode Jenner asked BFF, social media influencer Stassia Karanikolaou, “Isn't it so funny that everyone thinks that we're dating these days? When we get a little alcohol in our system, we just like to kiss each other and stuff."
The conversation in the season’s finale reignited a debate around Jenner’s sexuality that’s been circulating social media for months. But here’s the thing, we’re not entitled to make assumptions about Kylie Jenner’s sexuality. Whether you’re tweeting mean-spirited things about her being too scared to come out of the closet or you’re a Kardashian stan who’d love to see Kylie repping the LGBTQ+ community, this woman’s sexuality is really none of your business.
Kylie says in the episode, “I always make out with Stass. I don't know why this is like a new thing. A lot of best girl friends do that.” The pair have been friends since they were 12 years old and regularly post pictures of themselves hugging and kissing on social media.
It seems strange that the world of celebrity has changed so much in recent years that while queer women were basically erased from the history books, often described as being “close friends”, today’s celebs are pressured to disclose their sexuality and to be very open about it. What happened to having agency over our own romantic decisions?
You need only think back to Heartstopper star Kit Connor’s very public coming out story to see how problematic this pressure can be. The 18-year-old English actor known for his role as Nick Nelson, came out as bisexual on Twitter following accusations of queerbaiting. He wrote, “back for a minute. I’m bi. congrats for forcing an 18 year old to out himself.”
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And why are we so obsessed with everyone being out anyway? We’re not owed any information about who someone might be attracted to. From Harry Styles to Lizzo, the internet is obsessed with conjecture about who may or may not be a bit gay.
Perhaps because LGBTQ+ rights and visibility have accelerated in recent years many people assume it’s just safe and fine and normal to be out. But that’s not the case for everyone. And even though for many it can be safer to be out in 2023 than say, 10 years ago, no one should have to be out if they don’t want to be for whatever reason.
That’s not to say that Kylie Jenner, much like Harry Styles and Lizzo, hasn’t been accused of “queerbaiting”. She’s been criticised for trivialising sapphic relationships, kissing her friend “for attention” and partaking in queer erasure. There are so many harmful stereotypes that affect LGBTQ+ women but the fetishisation of WLW and the idea that girls only kiss each other for male attention is a particularly harmful one.
But equally, it’s not for the internet to decide who gets to be gay and who’s just attention seeking. Or who’s allowed to kiss their friends and who’s queerbaiting. That would be ridiculous. Speculating on Kylie Jenner’s sexuality, fetishising her relationship with a long-term friend, demanding that she disclose personal information about her private life - none of that is okay. And yet here we are.
Just because you want Kylie Jenner to be a queer icon, doesn’t mean she has to be. And if she is one, good for her. It’s really none of our business.
Emilie Lavinia is Cosmopolitan UK's Former Sex and Relationships Editor. An accredited Sex Educator and Sexologist, Emilie explores identity, equity and innovations in sex, love, wellness and identity with her writing, broadcasting, coaching and commercial work. Emilie has written for the likes of The Guardian, Stylist, Grazia, Woman & Home, Red and Women's Health. She has appeared in documentaries exploring sex and wellbeing by ITV, Channel 5 and the BBC. Emilie has represented the UK as a United Nations Delegate and is a passionate advocate for women's health, LGBTQ+ rights and sex education and public health policy. She is a representative for Young Women's Trust, United Nations Women and The Porn Conversation and works with a number of charities. She loves big books, Bell Hooks, her infrared sauna and her Pomeranian, Ivy Valentine. She lives in London and can give you a rating out of 10 for every sex toy ever invented. Sign up to Emilie's Substack newsletter The Cuff for spice and advice or follow her on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or her website: emilielavinia.com
