Like a lot of people, I dislike my smile. Eight years ago, a complete random wrote underneath my MySpace profile picture (lol) saying ‘your teeth look like chainsaws’ and to this day, even after two rounds of Invisalign braces and frequent whitening, I still gag a bit when I see my teeth in photos and think of that comment. Which is sad really, because smiley people are the best kind of people. So, when I stumbled across Clip On Veneers, who do custom-made snap on smiles from £325, I knew I had to get my hands on some and see if they could transform my grin. Trust, if I could afford permanent veneers (and the thought of having my teeth filed down for them didn’t make me wince) I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Because the snap on smile is fitted around your teeth like a gum shield, you first need to take an impression – this is easy enough. When you order your veneers from the website, a kit arrives with two plasticine-like balls (A.K.A. dental putty) which you have to spread around a little tray and sink your teeth into for five minutes, to create the mold. You send this back in the post and up to 21 days later your new teeth arrive in a plastic case with your name on. Because I’m a go hard or go home kinda girl, I went straight in for the kill with a ‘Bleach White’-coloured set (but you can choose a more natural option if you prefer). And, honestly, I’d rather post a picture of my open vagina on the internet than one of my open mouth, but for your sake and for the sake of journalism, I will. Here's the difference...
Initial thoughts? They're totally painless and my teeth now finally all look the right size (and thank god that left vampire fang has gone), but the white was a little too white (okay a lot too white, I mean I love Rylan Clark, he's hilarious – but I ain't trying to look like him). However, in photos the Daz white doesn’t look as full-on as it does in real life. After opening the door in them and beaming at my friend Ellie, who rated them a ‘3 out of 10' and said 'they look like dental flippers those kids wear on Toddlers and Tiaras', I continued on with the ultimate test: wearing them on a night out. We headed to a grime night in Brighton to see what the general public made of my new gnashers.
Outside the club, my friend James’ first reaction was, “Jen, have you had your teeth whitened? Are you aware of how white they are?” Before laughing in my face. So far, so good. Later, a random drunk guy wandered over in the smoking area and outright asked, “Do you use that charcoal toothpaste? Does it really work?” To which I replied, “Yeah, it’s well good.” He then said they were ‘too perfect’ and ‘freaking him out’ but that ‘white teeth are attractive though, what’s your name again?’ And it was at this point that I took the veneers out, as I decided I'd rather drink a vodka and coke than stick to clear liquids (you can drink water, but no hot or sugary liquids and eating is a definite no no), plus I was getting super self-conscious of the fact my mouth was essentially becoming a lighthouse for all the lost souls of the Brighton club scene.
However for one final test, I wore them to work on Monday, where my office manager Merrick said, “What? Why do you keep smiling at me? What’s going on? OH WOW. OH WOW. WOWZERS.” and my pal Josie said...
All in all, I do think it’s pretty incredible that Clip On Veneers can instantly transform a crooked smile and even cover gaps where a missing tooth may have once lived, but it’s probably best to pick a more natural shade. If you want an idea of what mine looked like colourwise, rip a strip off the nearest sheet of A4 and whack that in your gob. Sorted. Or alternatively, listen to J Cole's song 'Crooked Smile' and stop being so down on your regular mush.
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Jennifer Savin is Cosmopolitan UK's multiple award-winning Features Editor, who was crowned Digital Journalist of the Year for her work tackling the issues most important to young women. She regularly covers breaking news, cultural trends, health, the royals and more, using her esteemed connections to access the best experts along the way. She's grilled everyone from high-profile politicians to A-list celebrities, and has sensitively interviewed hundreds of people about their real life stories. In addition to this, Jennifer is widely known for her own undercover investigations and campaign work, which includes successfully petitioning the government for change around topics like abortion rights and image-based sexual abuse. Jennifer is also a published author, documentary consultant (helping to create BBC’s Deepfake Porn: Could You Be Next?) and a patron for Y.E.S. (a youth services charity). Alongside Cosmopolitan, Jennifer has written for The Times, Women’s Health, ELLE and numerous other publications, appeared on podcasts, and spoken on (and hosted) panels for the Women of the World Festival, the University of Manchester and more. In her spare time, Jennifer is a big fan of lipstick, leopard print and over-ordering at dinner. Follow Jennifer on Instagram, X or LinkedIn.
