“It’s going to happen.” That, says Stanton Honig, MD, director of the male reproductive health and sexual medicine program at Yale Medicine Urology, is what men typically assume when they decide they want to have a baby. “The average guy who comes in to see me knows little about his own fertility. His wife is worried about getting pregnant, doing all the research—he’s just going about his business.”
Honestly, why wouldn’t he? The guy probably grew up listening to older women in his family grill younger women in his family over holiday dinners—“When are you having kids? You’re not getting any younger”—catching the drift but none of the pressure. He likely skipped the awkward, post-puberty doctor’s appointment that launched both birth control and fertility as lifelong preoccupations. He almost certainly didn’t spend decades losing entire happy hours to play-by-play discussions of egg freezing, the benefits of IUI versus IVF, or how to offset fertility treatment costs. His feeds aren’t clogged with fertility wellness plans, cycle-tracking apps, or trying-to-conceive support groups. He’s never watched Baby Mama or What to Expect When You’re Expecting and started stress sweating.
The Infertility Trap
He has, however, seen the headlines: “Steve Martin Becomes a Dad at 67.” “Robert De Niro Welcomes New Baby at 79.” “Al Pacino Has Another Kid at 83.” He’s internalized the accepted rule (fertility is a women’s problem) and gotten the message (your sperm will get the job done until you’re dead). No one—not his parents nor his doctors nor his romantic partners—has urged him to consider his fertility. So, as Dr. Honig confirms, he doesn’t.
Except…new research from Cosmopolitan points to a different story. In December 2025, we surveyed more than 400 people ages 20 to 49 to find out what they think and do about their fertility. Now, during National Infertility Awareness Week, we’re reporting the results, which, on the surface, seem to contradict our medical experts, family members, ever-vigilant group chats, and even our own experiences: 69 percent of both men and women say that when it comes to fertility, male and female partners bear equal responsibility.
According to a growing body of scientific research, they’re correct. In general, male factors like the volume, speed, or shape of sperm contribute to infertility in couples struggling to conceive about 50 percent of the time, per a study published in Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology. The same study notes that number could be as high as 70 percent. Meanwhile, a slew of recent science suggests that the quality of men’s sperm declines sharply with age—one 2025 study found that babies born to fathers between the ages of 35 and 44 were more likely to experience preterm birth and be born via cesarean section compared with babies whose dads were between the ages of 25 and 34.
“Men experience infertility as deeply as women do, but their stories are far less visible. We can’t build a complete picture of this disease with half the people missing from it,” said Danielle Melfi, CEO of RESOLVE: The National Infertility & Family Building Association.
We’ll pause here to recognize that, of course, not all men have testicles and sperm, not all women have uteruses and ovaries, and not all prospective parents are male-female couples. For the purpose of exploring deeply entrenched norms around fertility, we are using the term “men” and he/him pronouns to discuss male-identifying people with male reproductive organs who want to have kids.
Overall, the men in our survey told us they do consider how getting older could influence their fertility. They do generally think about their fertility. They do experience pressure to have kids. Could this be it? Have we reached some sort of thank-fucking-god inflection point? Are men not only aware that they, too, have ticking biological clocks but suddenly also willing to overtly share half or more of the fertility burden?
Not quite. Because when it comes to what people actually do to address their fertility, it’s still women who are out here hustling, while their male counterparts mostly contribute…vibes? And among the crucial set who haven’t yet had kids but want to, the physical and emotional labor divides remain particularly stark. Fifty percent of women plan to proactively speak to a doctor about their fertility, while only 18 percent of men say the same. Sixty-five percent of women say they feel “exhausted” by the responsibility to conceive a child versus 24 percent of men. Forty-one percent of women feel very burdened by the pressure, compared with just 14 percent of men. The list goes on (see the graphics throughout this story for more).
All this nonchalance contributes to another big complication: Men are still learning too little about their fertility, too late, explains Bobby B. Najari, MD, director of the male infertility program at NYU Langone Health. Too few men get their sperm checked before trying to have a baby. Dr. Najari often sees infertile male patients only after their female partners have gone through expensive, time-consuming, emotionally draining testing or full-on IVF.
Steven,* 45, has been dealing with low sperm count for more than 10 years and has moderated online forums for men struggling with infertility. He wishes that men were part of those holiday dinner conversations, too, and that they got the loud and clear message women have been receiving since forever: Fertility is your responsibility; it’s on you to be proactive. “Guys need to swallow their pride and get a semen analysis done,” he says. “Do the awkward thing and walk into a lab and masturbate into a jar and get it over with.”
Based on our reporting and survey, men may now be more willing to do so. Dr. Najari says he’s starting to see more than ever come into his office before something goes wrong. “It’s slow,” he says, “though I’m optimistic.” But considering all the evidence that fertility should be a medically and emotionally shared responsibility—and the fact that “fertility is a women’s problem” remains the damaging social norm—“slow” isn’t exactly heartening.
So let’s speed things along, shall we? It’s time that everyone understood that men’s biological clocks are ticking alongside women’s and that when it comes to conception, men need to do their half of the work and shoulder their half of the internal and external pressure.
*Name has been changed.
Illustrations: Mary Fama/Getty Images.
