Wiener? Willy? Weenie? These are just a few nicknames used to affectionately (we hope) refer to the more anatomically correct word, penis. But while many prefer to use the p-word when describing the external sex organ, others like to get a little more creative. Seriously, have you ever heard of baloney pony? What about trouser snake?
Yeah, us neither. And frankly, there’s a lot more where that came from. In fact, there are so many creative words for “penis” that we put together a comprehensive list—an official penile dictionary, if you will. A glossary of all the unexpected ways to refer to someone’s schlong. (Ahem, also on this list!)
Of course, you don’t have to use these words for penis if you’d rather take the admittedly (probably) more mature approach and just call a penis…a penis. But thanks to the internet, access to weird and wonderful words has never been easier. And why not just have a little more fun? So, whether you're searching for something new to call your package, or you're looking for a cute, private pet name for your partner’s peen (just maybe not Princess Sophia re: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days), we've got you covered.
Here are 30 different words for penis.
1. Willy
Of course we start with this one. It's the most common informal word, after all. Also, why not begin with one that everybody knows, just to ease us in a bit?
2. Phallus
Did you know the term "phallus" actually originates from the Ancient Greeks? Back then, it was a symbol of strength and power...
3. Dick
Dual meaning, here. While "dick'" is another common nickname for penis, it can also be used as an insult.
4. Package
When it's hidden beneath clothes, it's called a package. Simple as that.
5. Equipment
Well, if it gets the job done, as Chappell Roan would say, it's a fair description.
6. Cock
The same as dick, including the affectionate insult.
7. Weenie
OK, this one's actually quite cute. It can stay.
9. Wiener
In many parts of the world, a wiener is also a sausage. So...kind of makes sense, shape-wise! It also seamlessly brings us to our next word...
10. Sausage
Slang, innuendo, whatever you want to call it. It's basically due to the physical resemblance between the two.
11. Schlong
Who doesn't remember the dudes in school casually throwing this word around every two minutes? Oh, the nostalgia.
12. Dong
Or, if you put the word "Magnum" in front of it, you're suddenly transported to the iconic It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia scene, where Danny DeVito, aka Frank Reynolds, drops his "monster condom" that he uses for his "magnum dong."
13. Whang
Maybe because it rhymes with slang? Who knows?
14. Pisser
This one is more commonly used in the UK. Not completely offensive because...true, technically!
15. Todger
This one is also more commonly used in the UK. Not really what we'd want an adult calling their penis, but not the end of the world.
16. Thing
Because sometimes you just forget words...
17. Tool
This one's more of an offensive euphemism, we'd say. Maybe best to avoid.
18. Purple-headed yogurt slinger
Yep, the internet is home to some creative brains.
19. Meat stick
A little bit smutty. A little bit funny. Not suitable for vegetarians.
20. Dave/Peter/Mike/Steve
We'll never understand why these typically middle-aged men's names are always used as innuendos. Maybe it's because they feel approachable?
21. One-eyed monster
We don't even need to explain this one.
22. Trouser snake
This just does not sound nice AT ALL.
23. Rooster
Cock... rooster... You get the association.
24. Banana
Any food item that has a remote phallic resemblance will not escape a penis nickname.
25. Bratwurst
See?
26. Organ
Not wrong. Anatomically speaking, a penis is a sexual organ.
27. Disco Stick
In the words of Lady Gaga's "LoveGame"...
28. Love Gun
If anybody ever referred to their penis seriously as a "love gun," there would never be a second date.
29. Soldier
Stand up to attention and all that. Also incredibly cringe. Best left in the past.
30. Third Leg
Yes, it's very childish, we know.
Sophie Williams is a Freelance Journalist and Copywriter, covering everything from Fashion to Entertainment to music, Lifestyle and Features. She has interviewed a range of musical artists and authors including Alyssa Edwards, Courtney Barnett, Confidence Man, The Vaccines, Loyle Carner, Gabrielle, and John Niven, and has written for publications like Metro, Reader's Digest, ITV's Woo! and Vice’s NBGA. She is also working on a book for HarperCollins about Taylor Swift, due to be published in 2024.
