Weddings these days have less fashion rules than in decades past, which can be great, but also makes things a tad more complicated. Many of today's brides are passing on traditional gowns in favor of elegant pants or jumpsuits, the occasional groom skips the typical black tux for a pastel suit, and even bridesmaids are ditching the cookie-cutter dresses for something they can wear over and over again. This means guests *also* have just as much freedom with their styles.
But before you whip out any ol' outfit, there are a few things to remember while getting dressed in order to still be respectful of the ceremony and the people getting married. Some of the rules are pretty straightforward and easy to follow (e.g., don't wear white, don't show up naked, etc.), while others require a little more outfit planning—like figuring out what "semi-formal wedding attire" even means.
To make sure you really nail it on the big day (well, not *your* big day, but you know what I mean), we tapped Elaine Swann, lifestyle and etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol, to give us the low-down on some spoken and unspoken fashion rules.
Keep reading for her advice about about what not to wear to a wedding, plus some stylish ideas about what you should wear instead. After this, you'll be ready to handle any vague dress code request that's thrown your way. Promise. Also, we've got you covered with more wedding guest dresses and what to wear to a rehearsal dinner.
1. Avoid wearing white...or white-ish colors!
An obvious point, but it can also mean avoiding off-white, light yellow with a white lace overlay, or a really, really pale blue dress. Swann says that lighter colors tend to photograph white, and knowing how your outfit will read in photos is just a general thing to be aware of, BTW. Staying away from white should be a no-brainer, but it still bears saying—unless the bride has specifically requested that guests wear it.
Want to wear something close to white? Try a neutral!
Neutral Wedding Guest Dresses That Pass the Test
Norma Kamali Maria Gown in Brown
2. Try to stay away from the bridal party's colors (if at all possible)!
Swann recommends that you stay away from colors that match the wedding (unless otherwise stated) so you don't look like you're part of the bridal party. How can you determine this? "You can tell what the color scheme for the wedding is from the invitation or the wedding website, which gives an idea of what direction the couple might be going."
If you're still unsure, a multicolored or patterned dress is a good bet since most bridal parties lean toward solid colors, but you can always ask the bride or a bridesmaid.
Wedding Guest Dresses That Don't Say "I'm in the Bridal Party"
The Occasion by Old Navy Satin V-Neck Maxi Dress
BHLDN Everly Satin Lace Maxi Dress
Abercrombie The A&F Giselle Strapless Scarf Babydoll Maxi Dress
3. Consider the season!
Aligning your look to the temperature is key for fitting in with everyone else and also feeling comfortable. Think: thicker fabrics like velvet for fall and winter and lighter fabrics like cotton and satin for spring and summer.
Seasonal Wedding Guest Dresses
4. Lean towards dressing up, even for "casual" weddings.
Even if the wedding has a more low-key dress code, I promise you: It is not that casual. Meaning, stay away from sweats, shorts, jeans, T-shirts. "If you have to choose between being underdressed or overdressed, it's always better to be overdressed," Swann explains, paraphrasing the classic idiom.
But she also insists that if you are truly baffled by the dress code and have no idea what to wear, you should absolutely reach out for help. "I encourage people to embrace that awkward moment and ask for an example from someone in the wedding party, whether it's the bride, the groom, or the bridal party."
If you are looking for something that skews more casual but is still fit for a wedding, go for any of the simple yet stylish outfits below, which can easily be dressed up or down.
Low-Key Wedding Guest Dresses
NIA Clara Dress
5. Zhuzh up your pants.
So you wanna wear pants? Totally fine! Just make sure they still seem dressy enough. Start with tailored trousers and a polished blouse, or make things easy for yourself by grabbing a matching blazer or even a jumpsuit for a full monochrome moment.
Dressy Pantsuits and Jumpsuits
White House Black Market One-Shoulder Metallic Chiffon Jumpsuit
Express Crepe Strapless Wide Leg Jumpsuit with Pockets
Lulus Power of Love Magenta Strapless Jumpsuit
6. Cover your shoulders, if applicable!
Is the ceremony taking place in a church or in an institution with a more modest dress code? Swann says, above all, it's important to remember that weddings are a sacred occasion. Be respectful of where the vows are being exchanged, and you can always bring a shawl or sweater to cover yourself.
Any of these coverups would do the trick, plus most of them come in tons of colors so you can find one that coordinates with your look.
Wedding Guest Coverups
EGOCKAL Cape Blazer
7. Keep an eye on your neckline.
"You certainly don't have to wear something that is old fashioned—you can stay on trend," Swann says. "But, remember that part of the wedding itself may be a very religious occasion as well, so there is some modesty that could be expected."
Not saying don't do a deep V, just don't be asking, "How low can you go?" It's also all balance. If you're opting for a deep neckline, consider a dress that covers you up elsewhere (like one with thick shoulder straps or a floor-length skirt), or go for a dress made of a thick material like velvet to up the formal vibes. Here are some dresses with plunging necklines that should still work.
Appropriate Wedding Guest Dresses With Plunging Necklines
Bec + Bridge Cedar City Maxi Dress
Meshki Maura Taffeta And Satin Maxi Dress
Lulu's Exceptional Drama Navy Blue Satin Lace-Up Pleated Maxi Dress
Meshki Keely Cotton Sleeveless Midi Dress
8. Go for subtle statements.
People love to say, "Don't outshine the bride." But, in my opinion, it's really hard to do that. Everyone knows who the spotlight is supposed to be on, so you should feel free to wear something you think is really special, even in a bold color or silhouette.
That being said...don't show up in another wedding dress! Or something else you know will pull eyes in photos later on. Just keep the event at hand in mind—as long as you think your outfit will be on par with everyone else's (just a little more fabulous, because they wish), you should be good. "There's a difference between wearing a cocktail dress that's really cute for the club and wearing a cocktail dress that's meant for a wedding," Swann explains.
Wedding Guest Dresses With the Right Amount of Drama
Meshki Coco Dropped Waist Maxi Dress
Runaway the Label Chara Maxi Dress
Amanda Uprichard x REVOLVE Evianna Mesh Gown
Meshki Jasmine Strapless Satin Maxi Dress
9. Go for a bit of sparkle!
Unless it is a black tie event, it's all about lowkey glitz and glam. Instead of over-the-top disco ball crystals, try subtle shimmery fabrics instead. The key is to keep the dress's overall silhouette simple and let the sparkles do the talking.
Wedding Guest Dresses That Bring the Shimmer
L'IDEE Eden Dress in Metallic Silver
Reformation x Nara Smith Drizzle Dress
10. Keep the venue in mind.
Read the room (or, um, the invitation): Don’t wear a tux or a ballgown to a backyard wedding—in that case, it’s better to keep it a little more low-key.
Swann also says the location is a big clue for what you should wear. "For example, if it's a destination wedding, then you know that you'd be wearing resort-style attire," she says. "If it's going to take place at a high-end hotel, then that'll give you an idea of the theme," in which a full-length gown might be the move.
The other indicator that helps determine your style is when the ceremony is taking place. "Earlier in the day, you're going to find that the attire is going to be less formal, which means more bright colors and flowy fabrics. Later in the evening is when you'll get to that formal attire where you have black and gold hues, beads, and sparkles." Of course, this is all generally speaking, but these are good guidelines to follow.
Wedding Guest Dresses by Location
11. Save the rips (even intentional ones!) for another occasion.
It's usually wisest to save anything super distressed or with frayed edges for other occasions. But if you like the idea of showing a little unexpected skin, consider a stylish cutout, a daring thigh slit, or a dress with a stunning low back. As Swann points out, you don't have to completely forgo trends.
Eye-Catching Wedding Guest Dresses
Lulus Perfectly Classy Plum Purple Satin Strappy Maxi Dress
PH5 Iris Maxi Dress in Navy
Meshki Galia Cowl Neck Maxi Dress - Lagoon
12. Be strategic about your choice of shoes.
Comfort is key, especially if you plan on turning up on the dance floor. But wearing flip-flops to the ceremony? Probably not the move, unless it's a casual, toes-in-the-sand beach wedding. If you know there is going to be a long walk from one point to another throughout the festivities, Swann says comfy flat shoes (flip-flops or otherwise) that you can slip in and out of quickly might be good to bring—but only for those in-between moments! Otherwise, a pair of block heels could do the trick.
And speaking of... If any part of the day is happening on grass, Swann suggests wearing wedges or shoes with a block or flared heel so you won't sink in the ground when you walk. "Get that information in advance, and don't feel as though you're bothering the couple or bothering the party by asking these sorts of questions—they want you to be comfortable," Swann says.
Comfortable Wedding Guest Shoes
Steve Madden Beki Sandal
I'm Cosmopolitan's Associate Fashion Editor and write about any and all trends, major celeb fashion moments, and why wide-leg jeans are basically the best. I originally moved to New York City to audition for RENT, only to find out that the play closed 10 years ago.
Kim Duong is the Deputy Shopping Director at Cosmopolitan, overseeing shopping coverage online for all things fashion, lifestyle, beauty, and sex. When she's not musing about which products are actually worth your hard-earned cash, she's also writing (sometimes slightly unhinged) fashion content in print. You can find her previous writing in Refinery29, InStyle, Travel + Leisure, and StyleCaster. Follow her on Instagram for bottomless cute dog content and did-that-really-happen-to-me story times in her highlights.
