While getting a massage and having sex may have certain things in common—nudity, physical touch, feeling amazing—in most cases, a massage is explicitly not meant to be sexual (especially if you’re getting one from a professional at a spa). However, there are certain types of massage that are erotic in nature, including tantric massage.
At its most basic level, a tantric massage “is an erotic massage in which the receiver is nude and body parts that are left out of a regular massage—like the breasts, vulva, penis, scrotum, and anus—are included in the experience,” explains sexologist and intimacy coach Lucy Rowett. However, there’s a huge difference between your stereotypical “happy ending massage” and a true tantric massage. According to Rowett, trained tantric massage practitioners consider it to be a healing act and a deeply spiritual practice that draws on knowledge from taoism, sex therapy, sexology, neotantra, and sexual bodywork.
“The focus is on sexual healing,” says Rowett, noting that while people may seek out tantric massage for various reasons, the intention is often to awaken sexual energy and potentially help with sexual concerns like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm, vaginal pain, or reclaiming pleasure after a traumatic experience. And while arousal and even orgasm can be part of the experience, it’s very much not the end goal.
“It can be sensual, and even erotic, but it’s not about chasing pleasure or orgasm,” explains certified somatic trauma therapist and erotic educator Natalie Abraham, co-founder of School of Eros. “It’s about creating a stronger bond between the sex center and the heart, deepening awareness, connection, and intimacy with yourself or your partner.”
As Rowett notes, because tantric massage is such an intimate, holistic, and multidimensional practice, it can mean different things to different people. But let’s break down the basics of what tantric massage is, what it isn’t, and how you can explore it in your own life, should you choose to.
What’s the Difference Between a Tantric Massage and a “Happy Ending” Massage?
Pretty much any massage can become an erotic one if it incorporates sexual touch. And while Rowett says it’s a common misconception that that’s is all tantric massage is—an X-rated massage “with a few mandalas on the wall and maybe some incense burning in the background”—there’s so much more to it than the sex stuff.
“A tantric massage is a form of bodywork that incorporates breathwork, mindfulness, and intentional touch to create a deep sense of relaxation, pleasure, and connection to one’s body,” explains certified somatic sex educator Neal Wecker, a practitioner at Back to the Body. “It is rooted in principles of tantra, which emphasizes the integration of body, mind, and spirit, often exploring themes of polarity, energy flow, and surrender. Unlike traditional massage, a tantric massage focuses on sensation, embodiment, and sometimes arousal as a pathway to healing and personal expansion.”
Wecker says the purpose of a tantric massage is to guide the receiver into a state of deep embodiment, relaxation, and expansion, adding that it can help release tension, cultivate self-awareness, and facilitate emotional or energetic breakthroughs. “Some view it as a form of erotic meditation, allowing the receiver to experience pleasure without the pressure of reciprocation,” says Wecker. “Others use it as a therapeutic practice to explore intimacy, heal shame, or reconnect with their sensuality in a safe, structured environment.”
The role sexuality and arousal play in a tantric massage varies depending on both the provider and the intention with which the individual seeking the massage approaches the experience. While Rowett notes that some sex workers without proper tantric training provide “tantric massages” with the primary intent to arouse and produce orgasm, these aren’t generally thought of as true tantric massages and are largely looked down upon by tantra practitioners. Crucially, orgasm is not the end goal of a traditional tantric massage. In fact, as Abraham explains, it’s often an exercise in breaking out of these ingrained patterns and scripts and experiencing sexuality in new ways.
That said, Rowett notes that there are some legitimate providers whose practice combines a focus on both sexual satisfaction and the more spiritual aspect of tantra. “They see it as a healing modality where you also get off,” she explains. “Think of it as a kind of holistic sex work.”
Ultimately, “tantric massage isn’t just about sexuality—it’s about energy, connection, and presence,” says Abraham. “It’s a pathway to deeper intimacy, an invitation to experience touch in a way that is mindful, intentional, and deeply nourishing.”
Origins of Tantric Massage
“Tantric massage has very little to do with the tantra that has been practiced in India and Tibet,” says Rowett, explaining that it actually has origins in what’s known as neotantra, which was developed for western audiences and popularized in the 1970s and ’80s. Inspired by the teachings of Indian philosopher Osho and developed by Andro Andreas Rolthe, the practice was adopted and further developed by other teachers including Margot Anand, Mantak Cha, Joseph Kramer, Kenneth Ray Stubbs, and Annie Sprinkle, branching into different schools and theories.
Rowett notes that while each teacher offers their own unique take on tantric massage, practitioners say it draws on the influences of sex therapy, sexual bodywork, Taoism, and neotantric practices.
“Today, tantric massage is offered in various forms worldwide, with some practitioners incorporating genital touch and others focusing solely on full-body, non-genital techniques,” says Wecker. “The common thread is the belief that pleasure, when experienced with awareness, can be a gateway to healing, self-discovery, and transformation.”
How to Get a Tantric Massage
If you’re interested in exploring tantric massage for yourself, Rowett recommends checking out directories for providers like Tantra Link or sexological bodyworkers directories like the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers or the Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists.
“However, I must emphasize that no directory or person you find on Google will guarantee that a practitioner is safe to work with,” warns Rowett. “Sadly, abuse and unethical practices are rife within the tantric and sacred sexuality community, and it’s difficult for the average consumer to tell if somebody is safe or not.”
Rowett recommends thoroughly vetting any practitioners by reviewing their website, checking out their code of ethics, and ideally seeking vetted recommendations from a trusted sex coach or therapist.
Rowett adds that you can also learn tantric massage yourself if you just want to explore it with your partner. Online platforms like Beducated and Cheex offer licensed courses by teachers, and there are many schools that teach tantric massage IRL—from weekend workshops to year-long training.
Tips for Receiving a Tantric Massage
Establish Boundaries
“My first tip is always establish some safety with whoever is giving you the massage,” says Rowett. “Whether it’s your partner or a professional, establish how you will tell them if you want them to stop or if something doesn’t feel good, and how you will communicate if you want more or less. If your masseuse tells you that you must just ‘relax’ and ‘surrender’ without any exploration of your personal boundaries, this is not a safe practitioner.”
It’s also important to maintain communication throughout. “If something feels uncomfortable or if you’d like more of a particular touch, communicate openly,” says Wecker.
Breathe
“Conscious breathing helps to amplify sensations and keep you present in your body,” says Wecker.
“The more you breathe, the more you will feel,” adds Abraham.
Relax and Get in the Right Headspace
“Whenever you notice yourself going up into your head, bring your focus back to your breath,” says Rowett. “Take some belly breaths and focus on everything that feels good right now. When something feels good or hot, see if you can let those sensations expand and get bigger.”
Wecker recommends embracing whatever feelings you encounter: “Whether the experience is relaxing, arousing, emotional, or a mix of all three, accept whatever sensations arise as part of the journey.”
Let Go of Expectations
“Trust in the process and allow yourself to fully receive without feeling pressure to respond or reciprocate,” says Wecker. “Rather than aiming for a specific outcome, allow the experience to unfold naturally.”
Don’t Focus on Orgasm
Remember, orgasm is not the goal here. “Push your edge as to how good you can let yourself feel, but at the same time, try not to have the goal of having an orgasm,” says Rowett. “One of the purposes of tantric massage is to explore pleasure without a goal in mind.”
Make Noise
“Give yourself permission to make sounds and give voice to the sensations you are feeling,” says Abraham. Rowett recommends expressing pleasure with sounds like, “Mmm,” “Uhhh,” or “Yeah”—whatever comes to mind and feels good in the moment.
Go Easy Afterwards
After the massage, “give yourself lots of time to transition from being nude on the couch, to sitting up, and then to leaving,” says Rowett. “Take the rest of the day gently and make sure you get outside, as you’ll be in a slightly altered state for a while and your system will be more sensitive. I also recommend trying to avoid any negative news or content for about 24 hours if you can because of how sensitive you will feel.”
Rowett also suggests avoiding any major decisions for at least a few days post-massage. “This means anything related to finances, job, relationship, or your home. It might sound dramatic, but again, remember you’re going to be in an altered state of consciousness and much more sensitive, which means your decision-making ability will be impacted.”
Tips for Giving a Tantric Massage
If you’re interested in performing tantric massage yourself, Wecker says your best bet is to seek professional training.
“While a partner can certainly offer a massage that incorporates tantric principles, professional training provides a deeper understanding of techniques, boundaries, and the nuances of giver/receiver dynamics,” he says. “Most individuals without training would benefit from learning about structured touch, consent practices, and energy flow before attempting to offer a tantric massage to a partner.”
But if you’re interested in trying out some tantric techniques in an at-home massage, here are some pro tips.
Set an Intention
“Before beginning, establish the purpose of the session—whether it’s relaxation, pleasure, emotional release, or something else,” says Wecker.
Set the Mood
Wecker recommends using soft lighting, comfortable bedding, warm oils, and calming music to enhance the experience.
Understand Giver/Receiver Roles
“A key principle of tantric massage is that the giver offers without expectation of reciprocation, allowing the receiver to fully surrender,” says Wecker.
Use Slow, Intentional Touch
“Unlike traditional massage, tantric touch is often slow, rhythmic, and exploratory, allowing the body to fully absorb sensations,” says Wecker.
“Move your hands with curiosity and intention, as if meeting this body for the first time,” adds Abraham.
Incorporate Breathwork
“Encourage deep, conscious breathing to enhance relaxation and energetic flow,” says Wecker.
Abraham recommends synching your breath with the receiver’s and breathing out loud to remind them to do the same.
Maintain Communication
Wecker says it’s important to continually check in with the receiver’s comfort level and encourage verbal or non-verbal feedback.
Most importantly, remember that “tantric massage is not solely about sexual touch—it is about presence, embodiment, and deep connection,” says Wecker. “A well-intentioned and skillfully facilitated session can offer profound healing, pleasure, and transformation.”
