It was an ordinary Thursday for Lynda*. With Netflix on in the background, a cup of tea steaming on the coffee table, she set about deep-cleaning her living room. But as she was wiping down the mantelpiece, something caught her eye: a small white sphere, sitting innocuously on the ledge. She picked it up for a closer look, trying to figure out what it could be. At first, she was confused. Then, Lynda saw the camera lens.
Her heart racing, she frantically combed the rest of the room to see if there were any more, before noticing another camera screwed into a light switch. “It was surreal, I felt like I was in The Truman Show,” she tells Cosmopolitan UK.
At the time, Lynda was in a relationship with her now ex-partner, Luke*. When they first met, she says, there were no red flags – but the relationship soon became abusive: emotionally, psychologically and physically.
Luke somehow seemed to know what Lynda was doing at every moment of the day, texting her frequently to ask how she was ‘enjoying her tea’ or criticising her for watching TV, instead of doing more housework. At the time, Lynda thought she must just be a creature of habit. But after finding the secret cameras, Luke’s seemingly certain and persistent knowledge of her whereabouts began to make a lot more sense.
When Lynda questioned Luke, he denied everything. “He gasped at me, telling me not to worry, that they weren’t cameras. Then they disappeared for a bit and I thought I’d imagined it. I was being gaslit,” she says, referencing the form of manipulation which sees abusers lie to survivors outright, causing them to question their own memory, sanity and reality.
But when Luke still knew what Lynda was doing, even after she changed her routine, she knew something was deeply wrong. “It was scary. Then I noticed that the cameras had been moved. I knew that what was happening wasn’t OK, but it’s only later you realise that you should have trusted your gut.”
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When Lynda realised she was being lied to and tracked without her consent, she reported everything to the police. Unfortunately, their response was less than impressive. “Luke still drives past me and posts threatening messages online. It’s relentless. The police won’t do anything. More recent domestic abuse laws [designed to protect victims of psychological violence, including controlling or coercive behaviour and economic abuse, as much as victims of physical violence] cover stalking and harassment, but misogyny in the force needs to be addressed.”
Heartbreakingly, Lynda is far from alone in her experience of being watched in her own home.
The numbers don’t lie
There’s been a very real and worrying rise in abusers weaponising spyware devices against women, from ‘pens’ that secretly tape conversations to ‘phone chargers’ with cameras embedded within – all of which are perfectly legal to buy, without safeguarding checks or ID requirements.
In fact, in exclusive data shared with Cosmopolitan UK by domestic abuse charity Refuge, there’s been a 62% rise in referrals that need to be dealt with by its dedicated Technology-Facilitated Abuse and Economic Empowerment Team in the first nine months of 2025, compared with the same period in 2024. By the end of September this year, the team says, it has already received more referrals than in the entirety of last year.
There’s also been a rise in Apple AirTags referenced in stalking cases, slipped into victims’ pockets and bags unknowingly.
Anecdotally, Refuge has also noted an increase in reports of surveillance, with more survivors concerned about stalkerware, hidden microphones and cameras – adding that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Emma Pickering, Head of Tech-Facilitated Abuse and Economic Empowerment at Refuge, adds that she has seen first-hand how “perpetrators are exploiting new technologies to extend their web of coercive control, fuelled by the growing availability and affordability of tools that can be weaponised against survivors.”
Pickering explains it’s “deeply concerning” that these devices can be picked up for the price of a Nando’s, without any checks as to who is buying this sort of equipment, or why. “In fact, I could order one right now to arrive with free next day delivery,” she claims.
The impact on survivors is extremely serious, with Clinical Psychologist, Dr Tracy King, explaining that spyware is reshaping the psychology of domestic abuse.
“When a woman knows she is being watched, life becomes a performance. She edits her facial expressions, her behaviours, even the way she talks,” Dr King details. “Her nervous system learns to live in permanent audit mode. When she does not know she is being watched, the damage is even more insidious. Her reality becomes unreliable, because she cannot understand why the abuser always seems one step ahead.”
This creates what Dr King calls “enforced transparency, where the woman becomes entirely visible to the abuser while simultaneously becoming invisible to herself. This is not just an invasion of privacy, it’s an erasure of identity.”
In spite of its impact being deeply felt, tech-facilitated abuse is significantly underreported by not only police forces, but statutory agencies and survivors themselves, a Refuge spokesperson notes – highlighting that when reports are made to police, the outcomes are often disappointing. “We know police are dismissive of this kind of abuse, and public understanding of tech abuse as domestic abuse is poor.
“Many people think domestic abuse is only physical violence, meaning the true scale of this crisis is largely hidden from view.”
A lasting impact
As for the impact being spied on has on victims, Pickering is clear it cannot be understated. “Being secretly monitored is a devastating invasion of privacy that can have long-term mental health consequences,” she says. “It also turns the home – which should be the ultimate place of safety – into a place of intimidation and control.”
For Aria*, this invasion of privacy came about after a date with James* – a man she met on an app – that quickly turned into a nightmare. “We instantly hit it off, there was a strong attraction,” she shares. “We became very comfortable with one another and spent a lot of time together at my home over the next week. Now, I know he was lovebombing me.”
When James asked Aria if he could work from her house one day, she was suspicious but agreed: “I was concerned that I was just being hyper-vigilant, that I needed to give this guy a chance, but I started to think that this guy wasn’t right for me.”
After James showed little empathy for Aria being sick one morning, she decided to talk things through with her friend at home, listing the reasons she was doubting the relationship. As soon as her friend left, James called to apologise for his behaviour, referencing every single reason Aria gave to her friend. “My blood went cold, I had goosebumps. I asked him how he knew all of this, and he said he could see it in my eyes.”
When Aria’s friend suggested that James could have bugged her house, she asked the police to investigate. “I showed them text messages, and they saw evidence of coercion. When they said they believed me, I bawled my eyes out because I didn't even believe myself.” It was the validation Aria needed.
Still, when a police search of her home yielded no results, Aria asked a friend in the de-bugging space to check again: this time, her friend unearthed a regular-looking extension cable that had been plugged in. But, after unscrewing it, found a microphone and a SIM card were discovered inside.
Aria had to change all of her passwords and bank cards, and report what had happened to the financial clients she was working with under NDA, as their work had been compromised. “It was shameful and embarrassing. The impact lasted for months. I couldn’t concentrate on my work, and as someone who’s self-employed, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid,” she shares, when reflecting on the experience. “I’d just moved into this house, which I was constantly telling everyone was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and someone violated that.”
While James was initially charged, the case didn’t go to court: Aria says the police had never seen a case like theirs before, so they initially wanted to try James with a higher count of coercion than what was ultimately deemed to fit the crime. Due to the length of time that the listening device had been in Aria’s home not meeting a certain threshold, it was ruled as not showing a ‘sustained attempt at control and coercion’. By the time officers tried to downgrade the offence in order to secure justice, they were over the six month limit in which they had to take the case to court, leaving Aria without the legal closure she deserves.
The law on spyware
Nicola Bruce, Senior Associate at Olliers Solicitors, explains “filming someone in a private place (such as their home,) without consent, is generally illegal where the person has a reasonable expectation of privacy.
“Filming a person in a public or private place, without consent or a reasonable excuse, could amount to a criminal offence of harassment or stalking under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, or under the Online Safety Act 2023.”
But many cases fall outside of these set parameters, and the justice system must turn to other types of offending, such as stalking or harassment, to attempt to secure a conviction – with mixed results. And with tech-based abuse on the rise, with stories like Lynda’s and Aria’s both having disappointing outcomes, what more can be done?
Refuge told Cosmopolitan UK that “survivors continue to tell us that police are not treating reports of this kind of abuse with sufficient seriousness. As a result, Refuge is calling for the College of Policing to embed mandatory domestic abuse training into standard policing practice. We urgently need a proactive policy approach, including regulation that ensures safety is built into technology by design. We must also see restrictions on the sale of spycams.”
Domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid added that “the onus has been unfairly placed on survivors to attempt to manage the threat of tech abuse, as opposed to the government or tech companies to address their misuse. With spyware technology specifically, there is a dangerous hidden nature which means the use of these devices often goes unnoticed or undetected.
“We need to see more being done to identify the risks of new forms of abuse towards survivors in an ever-changing landscape of tech, as well as an increased awareness of how perpetrators use tools to control, and practical steps to prevent them becoming synonymous with abuse.”
Lending some optimism to the conversation, Katie McCreath, Director of KMC Legal & Finance, says she has seen convictions in this space.
One case, in which a victim’s iCloud messages, location history and synced content were accessed without consent, resulted in a stalking conviction, as the court recognised the ongoing psychological impact of the monitoring. In another ongoing case, McCreath notes that the use of surveillance technology has surfaced within family proceedings relating to child contact. “It has raised serious safeguarding concerns and demonstrates how technology facilitated abuse is now appearing in contexts beyond criminal law,” she adds.
Based on the volume of enquiries McCreath is receiving, she predicts this problem is only going to get worse. “Unless awareness improves at a public, policing and judicial level, this behaviour will continue to escalate and remain undetected for longer. There is currently no single law that specifically addresses technology facilitated abuse. The law currently relies on a combination of existing offences, including stalking, harassment and controlling or coercive behaviour. While those laws can be effective, they were not originally designed with these silent, technology driven behaviours in mind,” she warns.
When asked for comment, a Home Office spokesperson responded: “Violence against women and girls is a national emergency. We are looking at how technology, including smart devices, might be used to harm victims. Measures to tackle abuse enabled by technology will form part of our upcoming VAWG Strategy and will help to protect victims and hold perpetrators to account.”
Despite going through these traumatic experiences, both Lynda and Aria have found themselves in much better places today. Aria says she now feels stronger, trusting her intuition more, while Lynda is married to someone she has a happy, healthy relationship with.
Although there are still triggers and lasting insecurities, she says she’s “coping a lot better. I can make myself a cup of tea, have a lazy day doing some painting, watch Netflix or curl my hair without repercussions.” Now, Lynda wants to show other women that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and hopes that they too will “find the bravery to leave.”
*Names and identifying details have been changed
If you think you have been subjected to tech-facilitated abuse, visit Refuge’s dedicated tech safety website or contact Refuge’s dedicated tech abuse team for expert support, including guidance on how to carry out a sweep for hidden devices. Woman’s Aid also offers support and information. If you are in immediate danger, please contact 999.
Isabella is a freelance journalist who has written on young women's issues, entertainment, TV and film, South Asian representation, mental health, dating and so much more. She has bylines in ELLE, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Prima, Digital Spy, Women's Health, and Harper's Bazaar, and was named 30 Under 30 by MediaWeek, PPA and We Are The City. She was also shortlisted for Workplace Hero at the Investing In Ethnicity Awards and Hero of the Year at the European Diversity Awards. Follow Isabella on Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn.
