I had given it nearly two years, hundreds of hours out of my own time and several dozen trips to the disabled loos to have a cry. My friends had become bored of my constant teary-eyed rants about how unmanageable things were. But with the outlook bleak, and no real signs of things improving, I decided I had finally had enough; I needed to quit my dream job.
Announcing that I was done, handing in my notice and packing my meagre office belongings into a small plastic box went against every fibre of my being. From a very young age, we have it distilled into us that in order to succeed, we need to work hard: “winners never quit, and quitters never win”. It’s this attitude that then burdens us throughout school, and that we then apply to relationships, work, even hobbies, doggedly sticking it out in awful environments despite being visibly miserable. Announcing you’re quitting still has mostly negative connotations – the idea that you, personally, are giving up on something can lead to a profound sense of failure, ultimately underlining that you are at fault, and you are the problem.
It may be something many of us may be feeling today. The second Friday of January is known as ‘Quitters Day’ - where the majority of people jack in their new year's resolutions; research shows as many as 43% of us will have given up on our new year’s goals by the end of the month – and nearly one in five will have turned our backs on our 2024 aspirations in the first week. New year new me? Not a chance.
It’s unsurprising that goals to start a new exercise regime, or stick to a healthier diet, go out the window pretty fast in January. The weather is crap, our bank accounts are empty and any Christmas spirit hanging over from last year has fast depleted. Giving up on a goal you’ve set yourself, then, can make you feel even worse. Quitting has been badly branded to suggest weakness, serving as a wider indictment of you as a person.
But what if it’s not pride and stubbornness we need, but the ability to take a step back and accept that something is not working? Quitting doesn’t (and shouldn’t) necessarily mean failure. Instead, we need to reframe the great act of letting go, instead seeing it as courageous to cut loose when it’s often easier to stay.
Quitting should be liberating; it’s a chance to take stock, assess all the options and make adjustments as you find options that work for you. It's not to say grit is worthless and persevering shouldn’t be rewarded - but we need to recognise that there’s stark difference between rising to a challenge to reap its rewards and stubbornly insisting on sticking at something that just simply… isn’t working.
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Thankfully, we seem to be moving away from the somewhat retro beliefs of toughing it out for no real reason. Alongside the quiet quitting phenomenon of 2021, where one survey found 59% of workers are just “not engaged” with their jobs, we’re also no longer afraid of loudly quitting: 1/3 of British workers left their careers last year, citing ‘toxic management’. Knowing you've reached a limit, and setting that boundary, can be beneficial to our mental health; a 2021 study showed that healthcare workers that set limits and boundaries were more adequately buffered from burnout and stress.
Our attitude on quitting has also changed when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions, seeing us reassess what would better work and lead to more proactive change. Consider Dry January; a recent survey found more than half of Britons are likely to give up on Dry January by the second week, while three in 10 say they would rather give up booze for a shorter amount of time. It’s also unlikely to lead to long term change; a 2021 study found that increased participation in Dry January between 2015 and 2018 was not associated with overall changes in drinking habits six months later.
It makes sense, then, that Damp January, where people cut back on booze instead of stopping altogether, is becoming more popular – and some are finding that reduction, rather than high-pressure teetotalism, is most effective when it comes to long-term change.
So if your new year’s resolution has been broken so early, don’t be disheartened. Instead of seeing quitting as failure, see it as an opportunity to adjust your goals to be more manageable and a chance to take charge of the changes you want to see. Sometimes, quitters really can win.
Kimberley Bond is a Multiplatform Writer for Harper’s Bazaar, focusing on the arts, culture, careers and lifestyle. She previously worked as a Features Writer for Cosmopolitan UK, and has bylines at The Telegraph, The Independent and British Vogue among countless others.
