Megan Barton Hansen, who previously appeared on Love Island, has bravely opened up about her experience with an abusive ex-partner, who she says removed a condom (without her permission) during sex – an act known as stealthing – which resulted in an unwanted pregnancy.
Speaking on Paul Carrick Brunson's podcast, We Need To Talk, Megan said that on their journey home from the abortion clinic, her ex became violent in the car. "He was like, 'You're disgusting. You just killed our baby'. Then he's like, 'You make me sick', then he got the seat belt, wrapped it around my neck, bit my nose – this was post nose job – and said, 'Think you're pretty with that new nose?', bit it, started filming me and goes, 'Cry, b*tch. Go and tell the camera what you've just done'. I was in so much shock, I couldn't even have tears. I couldn't breathe."
In England and Wales, non-consensual condom removal carries the same criminal penalty as rape, although unfortunately it is not always treated with the same seriousness.
Sadly, stealthing is disturbingly commonplace; one study conducted in Melbourne in 2019 found over 30% of women had been victim of a non-consensual condom removal.
Cosmopolitan UK spoke to Chantal Gautier, a sexologist and psychologist at the University of Westminster, and registered with the College of Sexual Relationships and Therapy, about this worrying phenomenon.
What is stealthing?
Stealthing is when the condom "is removed or tampered with" before or during sexual intercourse without the knowledge of your partner.
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Taking it off during sex, or using condoms that you have deliberately poked holes in to make less effective, counts as stealthing.
"People stealth as a form of control and power, though it can happen to anyone," Gautier explains. "It is often also a form of control in violent relationships, and people have also reported that men do it to partners who do not want children.
"None of these reasons are okay, and should all be treated as assault and rape."
Is stealthing illegal?
In England and Wales, stealthing comes under the same remit as rape, and carries a maximum sentence of life in prison.
It is covered under the 2003 Sexual Offences Act, which specifies if someone has been ‘tricked’ into the nature of the sex, they’re only giving ‘conditional consent’ – ie: only consenting to sex under the condition a condom is worn.
To impress the seriousness of this act, Rape Crisis urgently reminds people that 'stealthing' is a slang term.
"The legal term for this act is 'rape,'" they explain. "We prefer to use the word 'rape' when talking about stealthing. That's because we think it's important to be very clear about what stealthing really is.
"However, if you contact us to talk about your experience and want to use the word 'stealthing' then that's completely okay. We believe that victims and survivors should use whatever language they feel most comfortable with when describing what has happened to them."
How can you be sure stealthing has happened?
As stealthing is something done surreptitiously, it can be difficult to ascertain whether it has happened after sex.
"In many cases, stealthing isn’t apparent particularly in certain sexual positions," Gautier explains. "However, it can sometimes be difficult to determine whether it was removed intentionally or not. If you’re unsure, communicate your concerns with your partner and always ask to see the condom before it is discarded, or make sure you discard it yourself.
"If your partner refuses to communicate honestly, gets defensive or doesn’t want to show you the condom, it is likely that you have been a victim of stealthing."
How can you protect against stealthing?
Firstly, it’s key to note that stealthing is never the fault of the victim and is always down to the perpetrator.
It is vital, however, that before you have sex with a new partner that you have a frank discussion about limits and what’s acceptable.
"There isn’t a fool-proof way to avoid stealthing when it comes to casual encounters as you have no way of knowing how genuine a person is, but to reduce your risk, it is important to set your boundaries before any sexual encounters and ensure that they are being respected, and follow your intuition and recognise any red flags, and avoid and remove yourself from any sexual situation if you don’t feel safe or certain," says Gautier.
"Also, always provide your own condoms to ensure that they aren’t tampered with or compromised in any way. This won’t stop someone from removing them but it will reduce any uncertainty around the quality of them so you can recognise more significantly if you have been stealthed, removing any reasonable doubt."
Gautier also warns about having intercourse when under the influence, where you can be more vulnerable.
"Respectful individuals won’t allow anything to happen in this instance, but there are people who will and do take advantage – both men and women," she explains.
What should you do if you think you have been stealthed?
In this situation, your health is entirely paramount – so seek medical advice and treatment straightaway. Not only are condoms effective at preventing pregnancy, but also sexually transmitted diseases – if you’ve been stealthed, you may be at risk.
"People who have been stealthed should remove themselves from the situation as quickly as possible and seek help and support," Gautier explains. "Always take an STI test after casual encounters, but it is more important than ever if you have been stealthed. And take a pregnancy test as soon as possible."
Your mental health may also need some looking after; stealthing can be a traumatic breach of trust.
"Being stealthed can cause mental health issues such as anxiety and may also damage your trust in others," Gautier continues. "If necessary, talk through your experience with a professional and look after yourself mentally and physically afterwards."
Whether you choose to report the perpetrator to the police is entirely your own choice – but as previously stated, stealthing is a criminal act and victims have the right to be listened to and treated with respect if they feel they need to take further legal action.
"Reporting is never easy, and can often be as traumatising as the act itself, but if you have the details of the person who stealthed, and feel that you have the necessary support to be able to do it, then report them to the police," Gautier says.
"They may already be on file for doing it before, and it may prevent them from doing it to someone else."
For more information and support on sexual assault, visit the Rape Crisis website or call 0808 802 9999.
Kimberley Bond is a Multiplatform Writer for Harper’s Bazaar, focusing on the arts, culture, careers and lifestyle. She previously worked as a Features Writer for Cosmopolitan UK, and has bylines at The Telegraph, The Independent and British Vogue among countless others.
