Like lots of people, the day after Queen Elizabeth II’s death I found myself doomscrolling through Instagram, quickly captured by an algorithm serving me emotional quotes, corgi videos and Barack Obama tributes.
Of course, this relentless browsing was accompanied by a background of wall-to-wall royal television coverage, and as I watched a sombre King Charles III read the tributes to his mother at the gates of Buckingham Palace, I was touched by the affection between him and our new Queen Consort, Camilla.
In a world where youth is often favoured, I found it moving to see a couple in their 70s who were apparently still very much in love.
Looking back down at my phone however, my feed had already refreshed with a post showing the exact same scene that was on my TV screen. But rather than a sea of union jacks and hearts, the comment section was filled with green vomiting emojis.
“Hideous wannabe cow. From mistress to Queen Consort. Usurper.” “You mean Camilla, the homewrecker.” “Ewww Camilla, her title will always be mistress Camilla in my book.” “Camilla ain’t queen of anything”.
The further I scrolled through the comment section, the more vitriol I read. I found myself enraged at this sea of contempt – and even more so when I realised the remarks appeared to come mostly from women, who had so much love for Princess Diana but nothing but hate for Camilla.
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This is just a glimpse at the treatment the Queen Consort has faced for decades, from people who seemingly only want to remember certain parts of history.
The King and his Queen Consort first dated in 1970 but when a young Charles was sent off to the navy, Camilla got engaged to someone else. In 1981, the future King announced his own engagement to the then-Lady Diana Spencer. The marriage was controversial from the off and after having two sons together – Prince William in 1982 and Prince Harry in 1984 – the pair separated seven years later, with the divorce finalised in 1996.
We all probably know something about what happened next; the public confession of affairs, the leaked phone calls (from both parties), the infamous Panorama interview.
I’m not here to get into the nitty gritty of who did what, when or rather discuss who was to blame for the breakdown of a marriage that the public was so desperate to succeed. Especially when the average divorce rate in the UK is 42%.
What I want to ask is, why are we in a place where Camilla is still being called a homewrecker and a mistress after all this time? Why did she bear the brunt of something that involved two people? And why is it women who appear to grasp onto it so ardently?
“The King and his horse.” “I can’t believe the bulldog is sitting on the throne.” “To the witch Camilla.” “Diana should be there, not the hag of a mistress”.
All of these comments are from women. Women whose profiles I could click on and see their happy pictures with families and friends. Women who may have divorced parents, women who may even be divorced themselves. Women who know all too well what it feels like to be demeaned over their appearance.
As for the ongoing vitriol, Netflix’s The Crown - and its depiction of the breakdown of Charles and Diana’s marriage - has certainly brought renewed unwanted attention to Camilla. At one point, the comments became so vile that the now-King and his Queen Consort were even forced to switch off their replies on Twitter, after trolls who watched the series began bombarding them with hate directed at Camilla.
And what does all this say about us, as women and a society at large? Internalised misogyny is the result of living in a patriarchal world. We shame, criticise, undervalue, and doubt other women as a result of our own experiences and what we read across particular media.
It’s why you might have been tempted to pick a ‘team Jen’ or ‘team Angelina’, but nobody printed t-shirts saying ‘Actually, wasn’t Brad at fault here too?’. It’s why you might feel the pressure to say you’re “not like other girls” to impress that guy you’re seeing. Why you could have feelings of judgement towards that woman on the opposite train platform, wearing denim hot pants. Or even why some people might refuse to shake Meghan Markle’s hand out of ‘“respect’” to the Queen. Who, might I add, has also fallen victim to our misogynistic and racist culture.
If you are going to continually define Camilla by an affair that happened over 30 years ago, I hope you’d be willing to be defined by your own past indiscretions too. Never mind glossing over the fact that the Queen Consort has devoted over a decade to helping women who are survivors of domestic violence and that according to one royal reporter, Princess Diana even said Camilla “deserved recognition” for her loyalty to and support of Charles.
This moment of change and contemplation is the perfect time for us to take some inward reflection too: as women, we are held to impossible standards by society - from how we dress to the emotions we do and do not show. If we’re ever to free ourselves from those expectations, we need to stop pushing them on one another too.
Who needs Horrible History books to see how women were treated in the Victorian era when we continue to define someone entirely by their relationship status? And when it comes to judging a marriage that none of us will ever truly know the full details of, isn’t it time we draw a line under it and try to move forward as one?
Laura is a former writer for Cosmopolitan UK, covering everything beauty and fashion related and specialises in makeup, plus-size fashion and the world of YouTube. Her favourite pastime is reminding everyone of that one time she met Charlie Hunnam and Jason Momoa. Please don't ask to see the pictures...
