13 best remote control vibrators that let your partner control your pleasure

What are the benefits of remote-controlled sex toys?

Before we get too deep into chat about all the kinky ways we can use remote-controlled sex toys, we would benefit from refreshing our memory on some of their (*many*) benefits. To find out more, we hit up Shakira Scott (AKA Scotty Unfamous) sex expert and educator for Ann Summers.

For Scott, the benefit of remote-controlled toys is that they can be used hands-free. “A lot of these styles of toys are ergonomically designed to lock into place so that once you find your perfect position, you don’t have to move it again,” she explains.

“The hands-free capability of the remote enables you to focus more on your experience and less on fiddling with buttons between your legs for a more seamless play.”

Those with mobility issues can also benefit from toys that come with a separate control, as this limits the amount you need to bend over to change settings. “These factors also make remote control toys a viable option for people with disabilities,” Scott says.

When it comes to exploring partnered play, remote control vibrators can also be the key to exploring power dynamics. “Remote control toys are perfect to incorporate into partnered play too, as you can pleasure yourself, your partner, or have your partner pleasure you, simply by who wears the device and who controls the remote,” Scott explains.

The conversations you have around who is granted this power can also improve intimacy, according to April Maria, a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach, and sex expert at Hot Octopuss.

“The most exciting benefit of using remote-controlled toys is that they help bridge the physical distance partners might find themselves in by allowing partners to control each other’s pleasure remotely,” Maria explains.

“Knowing your partner can actively participate in your pleasure even from afar can make you feel more connected and still have fun despite being apart.”There’s also plenty of additional benefits, namely that, in a couple dynamic, conversations around remote-controlled sex toys can help promote healthy sexual dialogue.

“Using remote-controlled toys also requires partners to communicate their desires, comfort levels, and boundaries,” Maria adds.“Not only can this help improve one’s ability to express oneself openly about what one likes, but it also encourages healthy, honest conversations about pleasure.”

What to consider when shopping for remote control sex toys

Just as when you’re making any purchase, there’s lots to consider before splashing out on a sex toy. First of all: the material (ideally, vibrators should be made from body-safe silicone), power (whether you prefer rechargeable or battery-operated), and if the toy is waterproof.

When it comes to remote control sex toys specifically, though, you’ll need to consider the type of play (yup, it’s a toy, so it should be fun!) you’re hoping to use it for.

Solo or together

“When shopping for a remote control sex toy, in order to figure out what would be the best one for you, ask yourself: Is it primarily for solo or partnered use?” Scott asks. “All remote toys can be for both uses but some styles may lean more specifically in either direction.

Stimulation

There are so many types of sex toys — so it makes sense that there are lots of types of remote-controlled sex toys (seeing as they’re just a sex toy with a remote slapped on, and all…). You’ll also need to think about the type of toy you want and which part of the body you’re trying to stimulate.“

There are remote controlled toys that focus on internal or external stimulation and some that do both,” Scott comments. “Remote control toys are available for the vulva, penis, nipples, perineum, and anus.”

How to use remote-controlled sex toys

Okay, so you’re probably wondering how, exactly, you would even use a shiny, new remote-controlled sex toy. But alas, that’s not as simple a question as it might seem. Mostly because there are quite a few different types of these toys on the market RN.

So, in order to give a crash course on how to use remote-controlled sex toys, we reached out to two people who know a thing or two about sextech: Shakira Scott (AKA Scotty Unfamous) sex expert and educator for Ann Summers, and April Maria, a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach, and sex expert at Hot Octopuss.

FYI: Before we dive into Scott and Maria’s advice, we highly recommend that you read the full instruction manual of any remote control sex toy so that you can understand its capabilities and any safety precautions. Oh, and *always* use (water-based) lube.

Start cheap

Unfortunately, like most things when it comes to sex and pleasure, you’re never going to know if you like something until you try it.

But there’s no need to splash out hundreds of pounds to figure it out — you can start with sex toys on the cheaper end of the scale before bringing in the big guns.

“Have an idea of what you are looking for and start with a basic/affordable remote-controlled sex toys to see if you are into it,” Scott recommends. “You can explore more advanced models once you’re comfortable with it.”

Talk to your partner

“When negotiating consent with a partner to include sex toys in your play, remember that the experience is for both of you, so frame it as that,” Scott says.

All good things start with communication — so before you play with a partner, have a conversation about your expectations outside of the bedroom.

“Your partner might not have used a toy before, may have had an unsatisfactory experience with one or may feel self-conscious about being replaced by one, so they might be apprehensive,” Scott explains.

“Ask them if they are open to exploring this with you, let them know that this is something you would love to try with them if they are open to it. Let them know that there is no pressure for them to agree if they aren’t comfortable doing it. Enthusiastic consent is always key.”

Figuring out how to use the toy together could make it more approachable, Scott adds. “Try shopping for it together and start with something small. Before using it, you can both hold the toy and go through the functions together to see what it does. You should both speak about how you want it to be used during play — this is also an opportunity to spice things up with any fantasies you may have using it with them.”

The best part of any night out (if you ask us) is getting to discuss what happened — so have the same attitude about your sex life. “Make sure to check in and communicate about how you both feel,” Scott continues.

“Communication using a remote control toy is going to matter a lot, especially if someone else will be controlling it. Have a debrief when you are done, see what you both enjoyed and what you would change or try if you did it again.”

Make the most of in-app features

Many sex toys designed for LDRs and remote play are hooked up to an app (rather than a literal remote control) and Maria recommends checking out what said app might have to offer: whether it’s different speeds and patterns or syncing to music.

“There are many ways to benefit from using remote-controlled toys, and one of my favourites is that most come with in-app features that allow you or your partner to control vibrations, speeds, and patterns from your phone, whether you are close or far apart from each other,” explains Maria.

“I highly recommend exploring these features, as many apps offer synced vibrations to music or ambient sound, which can be fun for creative play and vibing to your sexy playlists.”

Switch up the setting

Looking to really spice things up? You might want to explore remote control vibrators and the opportunities they provide for subtle alfresco sex.

However — big disclaimer here — make sure you are out of view of other people and respect rules around public horniness. This is not one to try when on holiday in a new country or in unfamiliar settings.

“Another great way to use remote toys is to explore different settings. For example, take your remote-controlled toys beyond the bedroom for added excitement. Whether discreetly using them during a dinner date, on a picnic, or while lounging at home, there are endless possibilities,” says Maria.

Tips for long-distance sex

LDRs can be difficult and frustrating... and that’s before we even discuss the sex! Finding ways to get inventive in keeping the sexual spark alive, despite the miles of distance, can become a major challenge.

According to Maria, incorporating sex toys into your sexting, erotic voice note, or FaceTime sex sessions can be a ~majorly~ exciting way of spicing up your long-distance partnered sex life.

“Combining toys with visual or textual play is one way to level up your remote control experience. Video calls are also common for long-distance play, but try adding some textual intimacy, too. Build anticipation by describing sensations, reactions, or what you’d like to do together in person,” she explains.

“Mixing in text or audio descriptions can heighten the experience and make it more dynamic while you play with your toys.”Finally, Maria recommends pencilling regular virtual sexy time in-between IRL visits. Yes, scheduling isn’t hot... but quality time is!

“Plan a ‘pleasure date night’ and schedule a date where you both prepare as if it were in person. Set a time, dress up, dedicate the evening to being fully present with each other and have the toys ready with the app control set to go,” advises Maria.

“This commitment creates a special occasion and something to look forward to, making your time together feel more intimate and intentional.”

Meet the experts

• Shakira Scott (AKA Scotty Unfamous) sex expert and educator for Ann Summers.
• April Maria, a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and sex expert at Hot Octopuss.