We earn a commission for products purchased through some links in this article.
How to master the cowgirl sex position — and 16 variations to try
Put that love on top
Cowgirl continues to be one of the most popular sex positions, even though it requires, ahem, significantly more work from the receiving partner. Why? Because orgasms! Purely penetrative sex doesn’t always do it for vulva-owners, most of whom require direct clitoral stimulation to cum. Cowgirl sex positions give people with vulvas a higher chance at not just an orgasm, but at overall pleasure as well.
“The reason cowgirl is so beloved is because it’s customisable,” says sex and relationships therapist Sarah Kelleher. “It gives the person on top more control in thrusting, movement type, and the depth related to penetration, but also because of direct clitoral stimulation via the abdomen or mons pubis.”
As with most things, feel free to experiment (with consent!). Rock slowly back and forth, tilting your hips as you move. Make circles with your hips and grind. Reach down and rub your clit with your hand or a sex toy for an internal and external stimulation combo. Want/need/crave a body part somewhere? Put it there (also with consent!) — you’re the boss.
Or try Kelleher’s ~Reservoir Method~, a thing we just named one second ago. “What’s been amping up cowgirl for me is that before grinding, I create a little reservoir of lube on the lower stomach or pubic mound of my partner. Wherever my clitoris is resting on their body, I put a small pool of lube there and it adds extra sensation and wetness to my clitoris as I move back and forth,” she says. “It’s doable in any variation of cowgirl and adds a little juice and sexiness.” (If you need more ideas, we have tons of actionable ways to master being on top.)
Ready to ride? Here are 16 sex positions to saddle up and go.
Cowgirl sex positions
Low down reverse cowgirl
Tart up reverse cowgirl by having the receiver lie down onto the giver’s legs, resting their weight on hands or elbows. “Lying flat or pretty much on top of the person’s legs can add extra grinding leverage for additional clitoral stimulation and overall pleasure for the top partner. It provides an amazing view of the butt for the bottom partner and allows for a finger in the ass or stimulation of the ass cheeks,” says Kelleher.
Reverse chair cowgirl
For a deep plunge, take it to a chair. The giver sits and the receiver sits on top. If you’re working with an armless chair, a squat works too. “This creates a similar level of depth some folks experience in doggy and can provide stimulation to the upper wall of the vagina,” says Kelleher. “I suggest doing this in front of a mirror for an amazing view.” Have the giver reach for the receiver’s clit with a hand or palm vibrator for added buzz.
The seesaw
Instead of just thrusting away, rock your pelvis between thrusts so you’re sliding the top wall of your vagina over the top of their penis/strap-on on the up stroke, then sliding down on the underside of their penis on the down stroke. Feels amazing to you both.
The upside down
Straddle your partner, and instead of moving onto them, have them lift their hips up so they’re thrusting up into you. You can reach behind and cup their balls (if they have ’em), finger their ass, or slowly drip some lube down your vulva and let them watch as you rub your clit.
I put a spell on you
If you don’t know what to do with your hips, spell out ‘coconut’. Yes, it’s Twitter Wisdom circa 2019, but it’s actually pretty bomb-ass advice. It gives you a plan (helpful!) and automatically gets you hitting a bunch of different angles and movements. If you’re not feeling ‘coconut’, spell out whatever the hell you want or just make some O shapes.
The grinder
If penetration is not happening for whatever reason (no condom, period + nice sheets, no penis on the premises), you can still hop on top. If you’re a humper, straddle your partner’s thigh and grind away. If you’re a more hands-on type (or toys-on), straddle their hips and go to town on yourself. They can masturbate to/with the glorious sight of you… plus self-guided orgasms for all.
Bound for trouble
As long as you’re on top, add to the power dynamics by binding your partner’s wrists together so they can do nothing but watch you take them as you please (get consent beforehand!). People tend to feel vulnerable when they’re naked and bound — extra good if you’re a people pleaser and you find it hard to take your own pleasure into your own hands, because the focus is on you to prioritise your pleasure here. Ride, rub, repeat.
Bed head
If you have the gift of a bed with a really sturdy headboard, go off-label and grab ahold of it while you’re on top. Squat instead of kneel — you’ll have the leverage you need to hang on and lean way back to get well-aimed penetration or oral/finger action against the top wall of your V. It’s even better if your partner takes the reins or whatever by rubbing your clit too.
The lusty lunge
Can’t decide between deep penetration and a more clit-focused ride? Have both! One leg’s up, one’s down, and you can rock your hips while toggling between both sensations. Lie flat-ish so you’re resting on your forearms for up-close intimacy and plenty of smoochery.
Add in a clit vibrator to make things even more intense.
The win-win
Go ahead and raise your arms, run your hands through your hair, and jut out your chest as you pump yourselves to paradise. Make it incredibly real by plopping a generous dollop of lube on your partner’s fingers and guiding their hand between your legs.
If they keep a finger pressed on either side of your clit, they won’t even have to move it — each thrust will suddenly feel 200% more amazing. (You can also slide a flat toy with low rumbly vibes between you).
The slow burn
Get on top, angling yourself so your clit is rubbing against their pubic bone because this will be where the magic happens. Don’t thrust — instead, gently rock and rub against them as you please.
They get to watch you have an orgasm while patiently building up their own. When you’re beyond sated, switch to something that will make them blow like a Roman candle.
The Pinocchio
If you desire even deeper penetration, put a pillow under their butt and they will magically gain two inches of length. Rest your hands on their chest, squat over them with your knees spread, and give them the view of their life. If you want to get some cardio in, try some short, fast bounces that’ll put them over the edge. This pairs well with a strong vibe or your plain ol’ fast-and-furious rubbing.
The Hot Seat
Sit them in an armchair, get on top, swing your legs over the arms, then lean back, resting your hands on the arms. That’s it! Your work here is done. They pump up from the bottom — the angle helps them rub against your top vaginal wall in a most enchanting way. And all while they get an ~amazing~ view of you in all your glory.
You can also use a sex swing to make the position easier for you.
The on-top ruler
Show your partner who rules this household. Have them sit on the edge of the bed, then place your knees on either side of their hips to straddle their lap. Use your hands on their shoulders to propel yourself up, down, and around as they worship your lower parts with all your favourite things: their hands, mouth, penis, a buzzing toy, or all of the above.
The butterfly
For a raw, super animalistic vibe, trying squatting and leaning back instead of straddling your partner. Switch up the sensations by bringing your knees together, then apart, while your partner gets one hell of a view from lying down and facing you. For variations, let them move your legs or use a toy on you.
Reverse cowdog
Instead of your partner lying down for reverse cowgirl, have them sit up slightly with their abs engaged and their hands behind their head for support. You lean over onto your hands — and yes, that is your butt in their face, thanks for asking — and hump away. They can also thrust up for a cowgirl/doggy style hybrid, which gives you both the control of being on top and the deep penetration that is doggy.
Cowgirl position tips
Add extra stimulation
Cowgirl gives both you and your partner tons of access to each other’s bodies, so there are loads of chances to add extra stimulation.
“You have a lot of freedom to either lean in or lean back depending on what you want to explore,” says Megwyn White, a certified clinical sexologist and director of education at Satisfyer. “If you lean back you can place your hands on your partner’s thighs and play with your clit, or you can lean forward to more easily access your partner’s body.”
“In cowgirl, you’re in the perfect position to play with your partner’s nipples, or to reach back and touch their testicles (if your partner has them) or inner thighs,” continues White. “Plus, they’re in a prime spot play with your breasts and massage your clit too — and of course it’s great for kissing. Everyone wins!”
There’s also loads of chance to bring in extra stimulation during reverse cowgirl too. Facing away from your partner means you can use your hands to stroke their penis and testicles, and you can also explore anal play.
“You can edge into anal play with a focus on pressing gently on the perineal tissue between the anus and scrotum,” says White. “This allows you indirect pressure towards the prostate gland.”
You or your partner will be able to easily reach to massage your clitoris in reverse cowgirl, and you can even lean all the way backwards to give them more access to your body (if your flexibility allows!).
Make the most of being in control
The most important thing with any kind of sex is to do what feels best for you both — and being in control during cowgirl means you have more chance to do just that.
“Knowing your own body is a major key to a successful cowgirl experience,” says Tyomi Morgan, an ACS-certified sexologist, the in-house sexpert at Sweet Vibes, and the creator of her own class, The Cowgirl Workout™.
“Having control over the stroke means controlling the depth of penetration, enabling the vulva owner to stimulate herself using shallow strokes or deep strokes,” says Morgan, so figure out what feels best for you.
If you want deeper penetration, White suggests: “Try riding your partner in a more vertical position. Widening your legs and increasing the stretch in your inner thigh can help too. If it’s too much pressure, you can use your legs to lift off your partner, or lean your body forward. You can even modify this position entirely by shifting to laying directly parallel to your partner.”
Adjust for comfort
While cowgirl is super fun, it isn’t always the most comfortable of sex positions, particularly with the strain on the receiving partner’s hips and knees.
Morgan suggests using a pillow underneath each of your knees to make things more comfortable, and take it slow if you need to. And if anything really hurts, stop
Be confident!
If you find the idea of being on top scary or daunting, don’t worry — you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way, and you should only ever do what you’re comfortable with. But if you do want to try cowgirl, feeling confident on top will make the whole experience more enjoyable.
“Confidence is a major factor in feeling comfortable when on top,” says Morhan. “I always tell my clients that mastering their stroke is for themselves first. Helping them reframe their perspective of what this position is for and who it is for allows them to relax into their own pleasure and bodies.”
So remember: cowgirl is for anyone who wants to do it!
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
30 romantic Valentine’s Day sex positions
How to do the (challenging) apex sex position
‘Tis the season for Christmas sex positions
15 lazy sex positions you and your partner will love
