Scrolling through TikTok, I come across a woman holding a loaf of bread. So far, so normal. Then suddenly, a man’s hand reaches into the screen and holds her neck as though he is going to choke her. The man enters the shot and hugs the woman from behind, before we hear a slapping sound that the woman laughs off. “Let’s plate up dinner,” she says.
You’re probably used to seeing videos like this from tradwife influencers on social media. Think: day-in-the-life vlogs of women wearing feminine, floral dresses, preparing complex meals from scratch in their ludicrously capacious (and immaculate) kitchens, and idealistically folding clothes as if it’s the most fulfilling task in the world. The tag #tradwife has over 69,000 posts on TikTok and most of the videos underneath it play out something like this. It all seems pretty vanilla — boring, even. But, as it turns out, plenty of people are getting off on a slightly less PG version of this very scene; one in which washing dishes very quickly leads to being bent over the kitchen counter and fucked from behind.
According to Pornhub, ‘tradwife’ porn is on the rise — with searches for the category up 72% in 2024. Generally, tradwife porn involves sex scenes between a woman who’s performing this traditional homemaking role, and her breadwinning husband. And yet, while this retrogressive scene reeks of male supremacy and patriarchal home structures, women make up as much as 27% of the people watching this type of porn. And it’s not, as you might expect, older people with more traditional views and upbringings — people aged 18 to 24 make up 32% of viewers, closely followed by those aged 25 to 34, according to research shared exclusively with Cosmopolitan UK by Pornhub.
This is happening alongside the rise of conservative, anti-feminist ideology in both the US and the UK. In fact, nearly half (47%) of Brits believe that women’s equality has gone ‘far enough’, according to research by IPSOS. New research also found that Gen Z males are twice as likely as baby boomers to believe wives should obey husbands. So, is the rise of ‘tradwife’ porn indicative of the rise of these politics, or are women who are ideologically opposed to everything the lifestyle represents getting off on fantasising about it anyway? And what’s the appeal in the first place?
Getting hot for housewives
29-year-old Charlotte* is a well-ranked executive who describes herself as a feminist. She has no interest in becoming a tradwife and she’s fully opposed to the conservative values that are part of the lifestyle — and yet she’s found herself drawn to the genre nonetheless. “I think [being a ‘tradwife’ is] a total financial fantasy in today’s world,” she tells Cosmopolitan UK. “My first experience with tradwife content would be back when Nara Smith’s videos started popping up on my [TikTok] For You page,” Charlotte says. (For the uninitiated, Nara Smith has become a household name in the world of aspirational tradwife content and now has over 12 million followers on TikTok, where she mostly cooks elaborate meals from scratch while wearing ultra-feminine, formal outfits.)
Not long after this, Charlotte started coming across porn depicting women taking on similarly traditional roles as homemakers. Charlotte had enjoyed porn that depicted submissive women previously, having mostly watched a type of porn called ‘free use’, which is a kink that involves one partner being available for ‘sexual use’ to the other partner at all times. “I noticed a trend where a lot of free-use [videos] became wives in the kitchen doing dishes, ‘getting stuck in the dryer’, or cleaning something as the plot,” she explains, noting that she’s found herself drawn to these videos for two reasons: “Sometimes it’s fantasy; sometimes after a bad day at work I’ll watch something like this for a morbid sense of catharsis.”
Everyone's clicking on...
The term ‘1950s household wife’ is a category of porn that existed long before ‘tradwife’ porn took off. And it’s a popular kink — a Reddit community dedicated to it has an average of 21,000 weekly visitors. Much of what’s involved with this kink and this type of porn resembles the tradwife lifestyle depicted in popular media. “The first thing I ever saw of [this kink] was quite simple and vanilla,” says 24-year-old Alana*, another woman with progressive views, who explores this kink as part of her relationship, roleplaying with her partner regularly. “It was a post made by another submissive about a day in her life. She took care of the chores around the house, handled the domestic responsibilities, and used her acts of service as a show of love for her partner.”
This is very similar to how Alana’s sexual relationship with her partner functions. “I started exploring BDSM and my submissive sexuality when I was about 19 and learnt relatively quickly that I leaned more heavily on the ‘slave’ end of the spectrum, preferring a BDSM lifestyle over simply in the bedroom,” she says. “And so, if [my boyfriend] makes a request, it’s expected that I jump to it. And I do it gladly — I prepare him lunch while he works, do the laundry and odd jobs around the house, and at the end of the day I have the option of either cuddling with him or sitting at his feet.”
For Alana, this is purely about exploring her sexual kink. It’s an ongoing roleplay both her and her partner consent to. “I’m in no way seen as actually secondary in the relationship, my opinion does not matter any less than his, which is an important distinction I feel between the tradwife content on social media, and what is essentially a roleplaying lifestyle,” she explains. In fact, Alana’s personal views could not be further from what the tradwife lifestyle promotes. “Politically I’m very left-leaning, I strongly believe in feminism and I’m pro-choice; essentially, I don’t abide with any of the conservative ideals one would associate with tradwives.”
According to porn historian Noelle Perdue, the rise of tradwife porn is certainly an indicator that the lifestyle is becoming more mainstream. “It means traditional conservatism is on the rise [...] just by nature of how much we’re talking about tradwives and puritanical, traditional relationship structures — that’s why we’re seeing it show up in pornography,” she explains.
But that doesn’t mean the women getting off on tradwife porn are also striving towards this lifestyle otherwise. “I don’t necessarily think that people who are aligning themselves with traditional conservative values are seeking out tradwife pornography,” Perdue says, adding: “I think it’s more reflective of how popular tradwives have become in the mainstream, even for people who don’t necessarily embody that lifestyle or set of values.”
This certainly lines up with the ways in which women are engaging with tradwife content on social media. A new study from King’s College found that 59% of women believe that tradwife content has a negative impact on society. However, even women who disagreed with tradwife ideals found tradwife social media content appealing, with 79% of women claiming they’re attracted to the calm, relaxed lifestyles of tradwives. Sara Reinis, an academic at the University of Pennsylvania who researches the appeal of the tradwife lifestyle, says the fantasy it depicts is key to its popularity. “Tradwives perform and stage a fantasy for social media that depicts a life without burnout, stress, or struggle,” she explains. “Despite its artificiality, it still has a magnetic pull in times of political, economic, and societal tension.”
At a time when women are overworked but still doing the lion’s share of domestic labour and housework, all the while juggling the always-on demands of modern life, is there some appeal to an ostensibly carefree life of submission? “Tradwife content is fundamentally an escapist fantasy,” Reinis continues. “The audience consists of both earnest, aspiring tradwives and voyeuristic critics who find themselves curious about this other imagined way of living.” And curiosity is key to why this fantasy quickly takes on a sexual nature for some women — the idea of embodying a totally different persona and lifestyle to their reality is intriguing.
Finding the idea of becoming a tradwife abhorrent in reality is perhaps why it’s turning some women on too, as it taps into masochistic, degradation kinks that are common in BDSM. “I’ve naturally been drawn to free-use videos and humiliation, ‘clothed-male-naked-female’ and group sex as a kink, even though I would not ever want to do these things to myself in reality,” notes Charlotte.
According to Perdue, the irony of consuming tradwife porn as a liberal woman might be part of its appeal. “Obviously the performers that participate in the scene are not embodying those sex negative, puritanical, traditional values — that’s sort of understood by the nature of the content,” she explains. “It leans closer in terms of intent towards parody than it does a completely unironic rendition of traditional conservatism.”
Perdue believes people are often drawn to media that they don’t want to recreate in their lives. “Pornography is the only genre of media where people feel a particular concern over what they want to watch as an entertainment product and how it reflects on what they want in real life,” she adds, pointing out that we don’t assume people who watch heist movies are interested in robbing banks, nor would they agree with the ethics of doing so. The same is likely true for women with tradwife content.
For Charlotte, this hits the nail on the head. “Sometimes it’s nice to turn off your brain for a second and just enjoy it,” she says.
Kink anxiety
It’s one thing for a progressive woman who is firm in her political beliefs to acknowledge that ‘tradwife’ porn is a kink. But how will the rise of this type of content impact vulnerable young people who perhaps discover the tradwife lifestyle through this explicit content? Even as adults, it can be difficult to come to terms with our desires and kinks, particularly if they don’t line up with the ways we want to live our lives otherwise.
“It’s something to contend with mentally, accepting that this is an aspect of yourself that may be so very different to the person you ‘are’,” Alana says. “For a long time, [I experienced] a sense of shame for it.”
But the fact that the tradwife ideology is completely at odds with Alana and Charlotte’s beliefs is part of why it turns them on — kinks are defined as unconventional and that’s usually part of their allure. “The fact I feel like people would be mad at me for watching it adds to the appeal,” Charlotte says.
And this is exactly the point. The freedom to explore our sexuality without stigmatising the desires and kinks we experience is key to a fulfilling sex life. “People have a lot of anxiety around believing what they watch must be reflective of what they want to recreate and that just isn’t the case,” says Perdue, adding that sometimes, we need to accept that “pornography is just an entertainment product like any other form of media.”
