In case you haven’t heard, face sitting is having a major cultural renaissance at the moment. And, my god, do we love to see it! But, uh, what exactly is face sitting? Literally so glad you asked. As the name suggests, face sitting, sometimes called ‘queening’, is when someone (usually a person with a vulva, cis-woman, or femme) sits on the face of their partner in order to receive oral sex. While this may sound a bit dangerous, when done correctly, it really isn’t. JFYI, you usually don’t fully sit your whole body weight down on the person giving you oral sex — unless they want you to, that is.
And while, yes, it can lead to mind-blowing orgasms, face sitting is more than just a sex act. It’s about owning your sexuality, playing with power dynamics, and celebrating pleasure. “Many are attracted to it because of the taboo element, viewing it as a way to challenge traditional notions of female submission in sexuality,” says sex therapist Nazanin Moali, host of the popular Sexology podcast. “This position showcases women in a position of power and control over their own sexuality.”
Like many sex things, proper face sitting is a skill that needs to be crafted, one that deserves care and attention. So, let’s break down what face sitting is, how it can benefit your sex life, and how you can try it for yourself, shall we? We corralled some of the world’s leading sex experts to give you a no-frills guide to this sizzling sex act.
A brief history of face sitting
While we’re not entirely sure of the historical origins of face sitting, sex educator Linnea Marie, a sexpert at BedBible.com, points out that depictions of the act can be found across history, portrayed in art, literature, and cultural practices that depict intimate acts. So as far as sex acts go, face sitting appears to be rather ubiquitous. While it possibly has roots in eastern culture, it’s highly likely that no matter who you are or where you’re from, your ancestors probably sat on someone’s face at some point. And that’s beautiful.
In the Victorian Era, face sitting became popularised amongst those ~in the know~ with the advent of the ‘queening stool’. “It was a stool with a hole in it that a woman would sit on exposing all of her genitals and her male ‘subject’ would lay under the stool to please her,” explains Taylor Sparks, an intimacy educator and founder of OrganicLoven.com. King Edward the VII (known as ‘Dirty Bertie’) owned a sex chair that may very well have been used to facilitate queening (amongst other things).
Today, artists still love bringing this act to life in their work. Marie points to the Japanese artist Namio Harukawa, who has made face sitting one of his primary focuses.
Why face sitting is also referred to as ‘queening’
Although anyone can technically pop a squat on their partner’s face, femmes are the most common ‘givers’ of this act. Face sitting is particularly big in the BDSM community where it earned the nickname ‘queening’, as in a queen sitting on their throne. In these instances, the person doing the queening is usually a femme Dom.
The person sitting on their partner’s face is usually the dominant partner, explains sexologist Tanya M. Bass. But, it’s not exclusive to a ‘queening’ thing. Face sitting can also be called ‘kinging’, wherein a male or penis-owning partner does the face sitting. This wonderful act can be done by anyone of any gender.
The act of face sitting/queening is popular in the kink community, but it’s important to note that it’s not just a kink thing. No matter your sexual persuasion, anyone can partake in face sitting — vanilla, kinky, or otherwise.
Why are people into face sitting?
While people love face sitting for many reasons, the core appeal is the power play aspect. Marie says that face sitting usually falls under the wider kink umbrella. “There’s a Dom/sub aspect in that the dominant partner is on top while the submissive partner is on bottom.”
As the ‘queen’ in question, Moali says it can make you feel like a true goddess in a world that, frankly, doesn’t really want you to feel that way. “Being in such a position and witnessing the pleasure that your partner derives from being in close proximity to your genital area can be highly gratifying,” she says. “It has the potential to enhance the confidence of vulva owners and foster a sense of empowerment.”
For the giver, Marie says that face sitting allows for full submission — a position in which they can “surrender control, be smothered, and find pleasure in their partner’s dominance,” she says.
Marie adds that while face sitting is often highly correlated with kink, it isn’t always. Face sitting can also foster more intimacy and closeness with vanilla partners, offering a new way of exploring and connecting.
Last but certainly not least, face sitting is a reliable way to reach orgasm. You’re able to grind your clitoris on your partner’s face, giving you control over the pressure and movements. Plus, “the close proximity it provides to multiple erogenous zones, ultimately can intensify orgasms for some,” Moali says. Your partner is up front and centre, giving them access to the perineum, anal opening, vaginal opening, etc.
How to try queening: 3 tips for face sitting
1. Get clear on your expectations
Before you go pop a squat on a partner’s face, you have to be open and honest about what you want, need, and desire. Get clear about how you picture this act going down and what about it is appealing to you. “It is helpful to communicate and share what specifically turns you on, as there are various positions and furniture that can enhance the experience,” Moali says.
Face sitting will look different for everyone, so don’t be afraid to customise.
2. Get in position
If you are the ‘queen’, you can kneel over your ‘subject’, who will be lying down on their back. Straddle their face with your legs and use your thigh muscles to hover your genitals right over their mouth. You don’t want to put your full weight on their face or you could restrict their breathing, which is dangerous. As far as which direction to face, it’s entirely up to you; it doesn’t make a lick of difference (pun intended).
Once you are in position, your partner should do whatever they normally do when giving cunnilingus. This includes but is not limited to: sucking, kissing, and flicking your clit with their tongue. Feel free to take advantage of this empowering position to tell your partner what you want. After all, you are the queen.
Keep in mind that you may have to play around with positions in order to find one that is comfortable for you. Get experimental.
3. Safe words are a must
A verbal safe word is an absolutely must-have during sex — especially kink play. Of course, in face sitting, it can be hard for the person who’s face is being sat on to speak. After all, you’re basically being smothered (in a hot way). Moali suggests bringing in a non-verbal safe word to use as back-up. Try employing the ‘three taps technique’. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, simply tap your partner’s leg three times.
3 ways to customise face sitting
1. Get yourself some sex equipment
Try using a sex aid like the Liberator Wedge. “This wedge has a subtle slope to raise your partner’s head and extends out on the sides giving you a place to put your knees,” Sparks says. “This way they are not lying flat on the bed and you can control how much weight you’re putting on their face.”
You can also make use of furniture such as chairs and couches. And if you’re feeling extra adventurous, you can even buy your own queening chair on Etsy.
2. Try the ‘one knee’ approach
If you’re nervous about the prospect of sitting on someone’s face and possibly smothering them to death, don’t worry. Instead of assuming the classic semi-squat, try having one knee up. Marie says this is a perfect entry-level technique for first-time face-sitters: “It allows for the same effects, but the person’s full body weight isn’t on their partner.”
3. Be willing to stay flexible
Marie says that while this position can be very fun, it might not be doable for an extended sex session. Be willing to start (or end!) with some face sitting, with a willingness to shift to other positions, as needed. “It’s perfectly fine to switch it up and change positions,” she adds. Sex is all about figuring out what works for you.
Read on to find out what women (and some men) really think about face sitting — the good, the bad, and the awkward.
10 people on what they think about face sitting
‘It’s the easiest position for me to have an orgasm’
“It’s the easiest position for me to have an orgasm. Though, sometimes I get carried away with the ‘oh god am I crushing him’ thoughts and it takes a moment to get back into the... moment.” — via Reddit
‘It’s about ensuring maximum pleasure for her’
“I’m a big fan of face sitting, which is part and parcel of having a deep love for giving oral pleasure to women. For me, a woman sitting on my face gives her the same control as when she’s riding cowgirl — she can control where the pressure goes, grind, and easily switch between clit, lips, or ass-sucking. It’s about ensuring maximum pleasure for her, rather than any kind of submissive behaviour on my part.” — Mark*, 35
‘The quality of oral is compromised for me’
“I like doing it because it seems to be well-received. However, the quality of the oral is significantly compromised for me. Partly because of the super weird angle and partly because I’m having to hold myself up with my thighs and it gets sore.” — via Reddit
‘It gives a different kind of pleasure’
“I love it. I find it’s a nice switch up from the normal positions and usually gives me a different kind of pleasure.” — via Reddit
‘Telling him what he can or can’t do is hot’
“If I’m switching from being submissive to dominant (and he likes it), I like this position. Telling him what he can or can’t do is hot.” — via Reddit
‘I’m too self-conscious to come that way’
“I find the idea of face sitting way sexier than the actual act. I’m always too self-conscious in that position to actually come. I’m thinking about my tummy or my double chin, and just can’t lose myself in the moment. Also, I don’t think a lot of men are skilled in altering how they go down on you for that position. Somehow, it just doesn’t work. Having a girl sit on your face, however? Delightful.” — Holly, 26
‘It’s an exciting angle to get oral’
“It feels great, it’s a turn on, it’s a different and exciting angle to get oral, and in my relationship, it’s a nice thing to do when I’m domming.” — via Reddit
‘The set-up to get in position is not glamorous’
“I love sitting on someone’s face if it’s a 69, because it feels balanced (and it’s just super fun). I have had a couple of successful face sits, but I have to be possessing such a specific kind of confidence to deliver that it doesn’t happen too often. Also face sitting is super weird to me because I imagine the sittee is watching my vagina coming towards their face ominously. The set-up to get in position is not glamorous and more of an elaborate sex scaffolding.” — Beth, 22
‘It drives me insane’
“The submissive feeling it gives — of being in a position where your only capability is to offer pleasure — is incredible. The beauty of a vagina right in front of my face, the noises from my partner as I pleasure her, and the increasing pressure she applies to my tongue using her body weight as she edges closer to climax drives me insane. When she’s feeling a little extra and she angles her body to invite me to pleasure her arse. Wow!” — Tom*, 29
‘It’s empowering yet submissive at the same time’
“[I like face sitting] because you feel like you’re in control, but ultimately you know if the other person wanted to pick you up and pin you down... that would be no problem for them. I find it to be empowering, yet submissive at the same time.” — via Reddit
Carina Hsieh, MPH, is the deputy features editor of Women’s Health. She has more than a decade’s worth of experience working in media and has covered everything from beauty, fashion, travel, lifestyle, pets, to health.
She began her career as an intern in the fashion closet at Cosmopolitan where she worked her way up to Senior Sex & Relationships Editor. While covering women’s health there, she discovered her passion for health service journalism and took a break to get her Masters in Public Health. Post-grad school, she worked as a freelance writer and as The Daily Beast’s first Beauty, Health, and Wellness Reporter.
Carina is an alum of the Fashion Institute of Technology and the Yale School of Public Health. She and her French Bulldog, Bao Bao, split their time between Brooklyn and Connecticut. She enjoys reformer Pilates, (slow) running, and smelling the fancy toiletries in boutique fitness class locker rooms.
