I had pretty much given up on dating apps. Whoever thought that it was easier for women looking for women was very wrong. I saw a lot of beautiful women, and swiped right a lot — but I was not connecting with Ms Right.
When I saw Zara, though, I thought I was going to lose my mind. When we matched, it felt like I’d hit the jackpot — not only was she so pretty, but she’d liked one of my obscure pictures and made a comment that was pretty witty. She also had no issue with messaging me after we matched, unlike a lot of other people who would like you and then ghost. So, we set up a date right away.
But when the day rolled around and I arrived at our meeting place, I was mortified to find my ex, Zadie, looking gorgeous as ever and sitting alone at the bar.
On reflection, why had I been surprised? It was the bar that Zadie and I had met at, just blocks from my apartment. But Zadie had always been a workaholic, and I’d been pretty sure that she would be at the office that night.
Or at least that was the story I told myself to justify why I was at our bar, of all places, on the first date I’d had since we broke up.
“Bianca?” I saw Zara smile, and walk over to me. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I hated myself for not being able to focus on her at all. How could I, with Zadie there? And, even worse, I probably picked a girl with a name that started with a Z because it reminded me of Zadie.
“Bianca?”
This time my name was a question with concern in her voice; I looked at Zara, and she looked at the frown on my lips.
“That is my ex over there by the bar, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve been looking at her and I am not ready to be out with anyone. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Zara replied, looking a little relieved. “I just broke up with someone too, as I told you, and I’m not really ready either. But you have to force yourself to be sometimes! Listen, you have my number if you ever change your mind.”
“Thank you for understanding,” I said, and she kissed my cheek again. Then she left.
I’d been watching Zadie out of the corner of my eye during the whole encounter: she pretended she hadn’t noticed me, which confirmed to me that she absolutely had. I watched her talk to the woman next to her, maybe about business? When the woman left, I got up and walked over to stand right in front of her. She looked up from her phone, but avoided looking at me directly, which made me wonder if she was trying to hide something from me… Her feelings?
But, forget it, I was past all that. I just missed her and wanted her, and I was not ashamed of it. I decided there and then that she was going to come home with me, and it was going to be whatever it was in the moment, if nothing else. We’d only just broken up — I knew if I missed her this much, she had to miss me a little.
I was usually the shyer one between the two of us, but tonight I was different — I was the one taking charge.
“Come with me,” I said, and my command was double-ended, but it was what I meant.
“Where?” she asked, looking at me (and, I could tell, looking at every bit of me). Later, she’ll be taking in even more of me, I thought, because I’m wearing her favourite set of lingerie. It was the set I wore the first time we were together; I considered it lucky that night, and I was hoping it would be lucky this night as well.
“Where do you think, Zadie? To my place. Don’t make me ask again, I think you want this as much as I do.”
My brain whirred: Who am I? I was being uncharacteristically ballsy as fuck — I wasn’t sure she felt the same way I did, but I wanted her and I wasn’t going to be deterred by shyness or second-guessing.
For a split second, she looked at me quizzically, but then she got up to follow me, and I let that success boost me.
As we were walking out of the bar, I looked up to see that the lights in her office window were still on.
“Were you going back to work?” I looked at her.
She smiled at me, following my gaze to her office building.
“The lights will turn off on their own.” She smiled.
That was how we met, Zadie was a workaholic and I lived nearby, so I’d always see her at this bar. She’d always be accompanied by a glass of wine and her paperwork, and then — as I found out one evening when we were sitting together — she’d go back to her office to continue working. That night, I’d actually been a lot more assertive than I thought I could be, because I hadn’t sat next to her by accident. I’d made sure to get that seat, so we had an excuse to start talking. After a few nights, I asked her if she wanted to come to my place. I’d asked her the same question that night: “Were you planning on going back to work?” She’d smiled then, too, and said that the lights would turn off by themselves.
I was feeling a little guilty for stealing her away from her work, as I knew it was the busy season for her, but I missed her so much, I couldn’t help myself. It was dark and rainy outside, very atmospheric; reminiscent of a comic book metropolis. I felt like something of a superhero going home with my lady and carrying out the mission that I’d been fantasising about since we broke up.
As soon as my apartment door closed, I touched her face and caressed her cheeks before I kissed her. Her mouth was warm and receptive, and she pressed herself to me. My hands moved down her coat, damp from outside, so I peeled it off of her. She licked my lips as I moved in close to unbutton it; I kissed her in return, and palmed her breasts with my hands.
She took off my coat, too, and it wasn’t long before we were standing in a puddle of wet clothes by my door. Zadie looked up and down at me in my lucky underwear. She was wearing the first set I had ever gotten for her. Mine was fluorescent green, maybe even more yellow than green. Hers was green and lacy — not what I had intended to get for her, but as soon as I saw the set I knew I wanted to see it on her. I felt a rush of excitement. It was as soaking between my legs as it was outside.
Desperate to hold her, I walked to my bedroom, adjusting my garter belt as I went. Once inside, I stood by the mirror and waited for her. She followed shortly afterwards and stood in front of me. It felt like a dream; I’d wanted her back here for weeks since we’d broken up. I kept remembering kissing her in this room. At one point, she was here so much that it was almost like she lived with me. Nights were rough without her against my expensive sheets; sometimes, I could feel her against me even though she wasn’t there.
But now she was! Feeling grateful, I played with the tiny heart pendant I’d given her as a gift. She’s been thinking of me, I thought. She was wearing the underwear and the necklace I’d given her.
I twisted the heart around her neck, and then licked her breast before moving up to her lips. I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on her left shoulder blade in the mirror and caressed it as I kissed her. Watching us kissing in the mirror was like watching the sensual, teasing build-up of the female-friendly porn we used to enjoy together. I watched my lips shimmer against hers, and saw how passionately she reciprocated my kisses.
We kissed for a long time. I savoured her lips against mine, her tongue in my mouth. It was almost enough just to be with her close like this, kissing. Before the first time we made love, we kissed for such a long time that it felt like the main event; what happened afterwards was just extras (though very enjoyable extras). This time, we both eagerly jumped onto the bed; it wasn’t enough just to kiss each other after such a long time.
Giggling, I got on top of her and kissed her all over. She tasted so sweet — her neck, her breasts, her stomach… and I knew her pussy was sweet — even after a long day at the office. I watched Zadie squirm with pleasure as I kissed her breasts. I could smell her then, the warm scent of her arousal. I stopped kissing her sweet bud nipples and reached under her lacy panties to touch her. I needed to feel she was wet for me; I needed to feel that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. At this point, I was so wet for her that the crotch of my panties stuck to me.
I needn’t have worried: Zadie was also dripping wet, and she groaned when I touched her with pleasure and neediness. I knew her sounds — I could tell how much she wanted this, too.
I licked my fingers to taste her, and then I put my mouth on her. I kissed the pretty green lace that I’d dreamt about her wearing ever since the day I bought it. As I did, Zadie slid out of her underwear, inviting me to kiss and lick her bare pussy. Tasting her transported me back to when we were together every night; when her pussy was mine. Being without her left a taste in my mouth for that lost pleasure, and to taste her again was amazing. Her groans of pleasure made me feel even higher.
It was now that Zadie’s passion started to awaken. Between her legs, she began to move and thrust so that I would lick her as she needed me to — and I was only too happy to oblige. I wanted to relieve her tension from work and make her feel amazing. As I rubbed her delicate skin and fingered her wet pussy, she sat up partially to kiss me, and I groaned as she did; it felt too good.
Just then, she laid back and put her hand over mine; I knew that she was close to coming because I could feel it from inside of her. In one swift motion, she sat up again and pushed me over lightly, spreading my legs apart. Oh God, I thought. I started moaning before she even put her mouth on me. Between wanting to lick her pussy and have her lick mine, I wasn’t sure which I wanted more. I wanted us both to feel good. She knew exactly how to pleasure me, and I grew louder and louder with my moans as she circled her tongue around my clit. I sat up to watch her licking me, which was the most beautiful sight in the world. I watched until she made me come; an orgasm that felt like it went on and on and on; pleasure swimming through every inch of my body.
Panting from the release, I kissed her sweet stomach and licked her nipples again. She bent before me on the bed, and I helped her take off her panties. Lying side by side, she wrapped her legs around my face and we fit together in a perfect 69 position. I felt her nipple slip perfectly into the dip of my navel, as we fingered and licked each other vigorously.
Soon, Zadie flipped me over and started to kiss me from behind — one of my favourite positions. I felt so animal on my knees and couldn’t help letting out a guttural moan. Kneeling together then, I picked up my — our — double-ended dildo. I’d never really used a dildo before Zadie, and certainly not one meant for two. But she’d taught me the savage pleasure of it, as we moved together, each movement initating some new joy for her or me. We licked both sides of the dildo before inserting it. I watched Zadie mirroring me with gentle paroxysms of pleasure, as we moved and caused waves of excitement for each other, touching our clits in sync to the sensation of the dildo inside of us.
It was so good, almost too good, and I found myself coming again. I was used to multiple orgasms with Zadie. When I looked over, I could see that her eyes were glazed over, too, in the way they always were when she was feeling blissed out from an orgasm. I moved into her arms and kissed her. We were too spent at this point to keep fucking, but I still wanted to be close. In that moment, I knew I was still in love with her.
And then, as if reading my mind, she whispered softly: “I still love you, Bianca.” My heart skipped. Then she added: “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be.”
Placing fevered kisses to her temple and her cheek, I replied: “I’m sorry too, Zadie. I can’t live without you. I can be more patient — I know how important you work is to you.”
We looked at each other and then kissed again; a physical acknowledgement of the love we’d just professed for each other.
A month later…
This time, as I walked into the bar, I knew exactly who I’d find there. Zadie looked so sexy with her glasses and suitcase, sipping a glass of red wine; an extra glass waiting by its side… just for me.
She smiled when she saw me, and I walked over and greeted her with a kiss.
I sat next to her, and she took off her jacket. Through her crisp white blouse, I could see the outline of the bra I’d given her. I was wearing my lucky set as well. It was our month anniversary back together, and, of course, she had to work. This time, though, instead of being impatient, I told her I would come to the bar and have a drink with her before she went back to the office. Then we would celebrate properly when she had more time to devote to me.
I picked up my glass, and we clinked them. “Happy anniversary baby, I love you so much,” I said. To my surprise, Zadie blushed.
“I love you so much, too,” she replied. “Thank you for always being there for me.” And then she handed me a box.
“What is this?” I smiled.
“Open it, my love.”
Inside were two sets of lingerie in magenta and fuchsia in our close-to-matching sizes.
“Let’s make these lucky, too,” Zadie said, slipping her finger discreetly into the already-lucky bra I had on.
I couldn’t hide my stupidly happy grin, and, laughing, I declared: “Oh, luck will be a lady tonight!”
Frolicme.com is the female-founded ethical erotica platform reshaping how we view sex, consent, and female pleasure. ‘Double Ended’ by F. Leonora Solomon was originally published by FrolicMe, and, as a Cosmopolitan UK reader, you can hear the audio porn of this story here, or watch the beautiful erotic film of it in cinematic quality here.
