There’s nothing hotter than checking your phone and seeing a steamy sext come in from the person you’re into (ya know, as long as your boss isn’t peeking over your shoulder). Sexting is one of the best ways to flirt and get extra personal, whether you’re dating someone new or keeping the spark alive in your long-distance relationship. And while, yes, mastering the perfect sext takes finesse, it shouldn’t have to be overly complicated. That’s why we asked experts to share their best sexting tips — and why sexting can be so helpful in the first place.
“In my work, I’ve seen how sexting can completely reshape the way couples connect,” says AASECT-certified sexuality educator Lilithfoxx. “It’s a low-pressure space to share fantasies, flirt, and communicate what turns you on.” It’s less about finding the perfect words to say and more about showing your partner you want them, you’re thinking about them, and that you’re excited to keep playing, she says.
Beyond it being super hot, sexting can also be a great way to build connection, playfulness, and trust, Lilithfoxx adds. And while sexting can be considered just a fun form of foreplay for most, it’s also a genuinely helpful tool for expressing desire, especially if you struggle with communicating face-to-face — whether that’s due to shame, communication styles, or neurodivergence, she says.
Sexting can also be a fun way to release sexual tension and learn what excites you and the person you’re talking to, says certified sex educator Elizabeth Dell, founder of the relationship intimacy app Amorus. It can also help you discuss boundaries, which is crucial for all aspects of a relationship (not just the sexy ones).
Ready to up your sexting game? Here’s everything you need to know about sexting, important tips to keep in mind, and real-life sexting examples from people who have been there. (Fair warning: These are def NSFW.)
What is sexting?
Basically, sexting (a portmanteau of ‘sex’ and ‘texting’) is exactly what it sounds like: the practice of exchanging sexy text messages with someone with the intention of getting each other all horned up.
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While the concept is pretty straightforward, it can be a little confusing to try to narrow down what, exactly, constitutes a sext. Is it just photos and videos? Sultry, descriptive paragraphs that are basically erotic literature? Horny emojis? Are voice messages getting involved??
According to sexual health educator at CAN Community Health, Jasmine Akins, it all counts. “Sexting is sending any sexual material (images, messages, memes, gifs, voice memos, etc.) via phone, email, instant message, DM (you get the idea),” she explains. So if it’s digital and sexy in nature — whether that’s via words or pics in your fave lingerie — it’s a sext.
But what makes for a good sext? In our opinion, if you’re being honest and enthusiastic about what turns you on, chances are you’re probably already killing the sexting game. That said, if you’re in the market for a little inspiration, look no further. We have tons of hot sexting ideas that are just waiting to be sent to the lucky person on the other side. But before we tell you what to send, there are a few things you might want to keep in mind to help keep everything safe, consensual, and, ofc, sexy for everyone involved.
8 expert-approved sexting tips
1. Always ask for consent
Before you start snapping nudes, Akins says to make sure the other person is comfortable receiving your sexts in the first place. “Permission to send, permission to receive, and permission to continue sending and receiving are so important,” she says.
“Bring up that you want to explore sexting with your partner, and make sure you are comfortable sexting as well. You never should feel pressured to engage in sexting behaviour.” (And if someone is putting on the pressure... hi, red flag.)
Another small but important note: just because you got the go-ahead to sext once doesn’t mean you have a free pass to send explicit images at any time (unless that was already discussed). Again, you should be asking for consent every time, and always respect a partner’s boundaries or wants if they’re busy or not interested in sexting at that time.
Also remember that just like any type of in-person sex, you can change your mind about sexting at any time — even if you consented at the beginning, says Akins.
The best way to prevent any uncomfortable moments or transgressions is to continuously check in with your partner. It doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, it can literally be as simple as asking, ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘How do you feel when I tell you I want to do this to you?’
2. Discuss your boundaries and what you’ll do with the sexts afterwards
Important things to talk about prior to getting dirty: will you delete the messages immediately after the conversation, or is it okay to keep them on your phone? Is there anything you really do (or don’t) want to sext about? Are you comfortable receiving written texts? What about photos? What about audio messages?
Establish what you and your partner are and aren’t looking for in the sexy exchange to keep things fun and not creepy. Dell also says picking your sexting platform carefully is key here. You want to make sure you’re on a secure app that doesn’t download your photos, save them to your library/Cloud, and has a secure privacy policy, especially if you’re sexting with someone new. (Tip: try the Amorus app or Signal for a worry-free and safe sexting experience.)
3. Make your intentions clear
Before going down the sexting path, it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page regarding what, exactly, the sexts mean. Are you just flirty friends passing the time or are you looking for something more?
Sexting is still a form of intimacy, and it’s important to only engage in the activity with people you trust. Being open about what the interaction means will help ensure everything remains fun and consensual. In other words, if you’re only looking for something casual or a FWB thing, make sure that’s clear.
4. Ask questions!
Dell says this is her number-one, most important sexting tip. “When you ask a question, you tell your partner that their opinion, thoughts, and pleasure matter to you,” she explains. “It also lets them set their comfort level — if their reply is tame or wild, you’ll see what vibe they are feeling.”
In addition to establishing and maintaining consent throughout your convo, asking questions can also keep the conversation going and help you learn more about what turns your partner on. And because sexting — like all forms of sex, TBH — can occasionally have some awkward moments, a well-placed question like, ‘What makes that hot for you?’ can even help you out when you find yourself unsure of how to respond.
5. Double-check before sending anything
You’ve heard the stories — a sext accidentally got sent to the parents when it was supposed to be sent to... well, not the parents. Akins says to always ensure you’re sending to the right recipient and turning off any automatic downloads. The last thing you want is your pics accidentally getting saved — or worse, uploaded to the shared ‘Family Photos’ album.
With all that being said, don’t stress! Remember, sexting is supposed to be fun. And if you do find yourself in an awkward sexting situation, Dell says your best possible bet is to simply be honest with your sext partner about what you’re feeling. “When you acknowledge that you’re both human and not going to be movie-perfect, you both have room to make mistakes, to laugh at yourselves, and to experiment — and that’s where the good stuff really happens,” she explains.
6. Take your time building the heat
While it might seem like the secret to sexting is to go from 0-100 like that, sometimes building the anticipation is half the fun. Jaimee Bell, sex expert, audio erotica creator, and the content director of Bloom Stories, suggests kicking the convo off with something playful like, ‘I’ve been thinking about you all night.’ This will let you gauge their mood (even after you get consent, ofc).
“Once you get the green light, drop another teasing text, then switch back to casual conversation,” Bell says. “Keep them guessing; the slower you build the tension, the hotter it gets.” Try teasing with flirty texts throughout the day to let things simmer, then when things get to an explosive level, move the convo IRL or to FaceTime to finish things off.
Pro tip: If you’re not sure how to start, try revisiting a shared memory, Lilithfoxx suggests. “One of the easiest ways to create heat is to bring up something you’ve already done together. It removes the pressure of inventing new fantasies and reinforces real chemistry,” she says. “You might say something like, ‘Remember that night in the car after dinner?’ or ‘I’ve been thinking about the way you looked when you pulled my hair that one time’.”
7. Use sensory details to make it feel real
To amp things up, skip the generic lines and paint a picture with your words instead. “Instead of saying, ‘I want to kiss you’, try, ‘I want to feel your lips against my neck while you press into me’,” Lilithfoxx says. “The more sensory it is — with texture, temperature, and sound — the easier it is for your partner to imagine, and the more turned on they’ll get.”
Language that evokes the senses can make sexting feel more intimate and personal, she adds. You’re not just saying what you want — you’re inviting the person to experience it with you, and what’s hotter than teasing exactly what that experience will be like physically?
8. Leave them hanging on purpose
That’s right — full permission to be a tease! “Sometimes the hottest move is cutting the conversation off just before it peaks,” Lilithfoxx says. “Think of it like a cliffhanger — you’re giving your partner just enough to get them worked up, then letting the tension sit there until you see them in person,” she says. This is especially fun when you want to build sexy anticipation.
“After a few back-and-forths, drop a line like, ‘I’ll finish this story when I see you tonight’, or, ‘You’ll have to wait and see what happens next’,” Lilithfoxx suggests.
If you’re ready for some inspiration, feel free to copy any of the very real sexting ideas we’ve rounded up for you below. We could not make these up if we tried, and trust, they are guaranteed to get the conversation going…
68 hot sexting ideas
1. The straight shooter
2. Kinky power-play meets role-play
3. An oral-obsessed fantasy
4. Teasing a little (consensual) BDSM
5. A classic anticipation-builder
6. Doctor’s orders
7. The classic knock-knock joke
8. The dream tease
9. Just a random Q!
10. The basic ‘I wish you were here’ (a solid way to get things going)
11. The most honest reply
12. The best kind of lunch
13. The perfect wake-up call
14. A threesome in the making
15. Say my name, say my name
16. The perfect dinner date
17. ‘Fluent in Emojis’
18. When eye contact is key
19. Taking notes
20. Correct take
21. The classic office fantasy
22. The ultimate 69
23. One confused but charming ‘Netflix and chill’
24. The straight-up tease
25. Some intense kissing
26. Descriptive king
27. Who? Me?
28. A father figure
29. Short ‘n’ sweet
30. The only surprise visitor you’re not annoyed about
31. Impressive choreography
32. The third fantasy
33. The woman who wants to give and receive
34. The anticipating dick appointment
35. A seamless way to intro toys
36. Always a good idea
37. The offer for a sexy all-nighter
38. Close the door please
39. An alternative type of chair
40. Some much-needed breast attention
41. No such thing as too many horny emojis
42. Phone sex, anyone?
43. The eager planner
44. The role-play connoisseur
45. When they know *exactly* what they want
46. The bondage pro
47. Your sign to call out of work
48. The more detailed, the better
49. Really take your time
50. The not-so-subtle flex
51. The right kind of morning sext
52. The doggy style dream
53. Eye-contact = yes
54. When they know exactly what you want
55. Icon behaviour
56. Good morning to this hot, work-day fantasy only
57. Straight to the point
58. Immediately yes
59. Shower sex, a must-try
60. Soulmate material
61. Hell yes to this play-by-play
62. Setting the scene
Tianna Soto is a writer, editor, and professional wellness speaker based in New York City. Previously, she was a contributing editor on the dating team at Elite Daily and an associate editor at Her Campus Media. When she’s not writing, you can find her traveling, singing, and speaking with college audiences about mental health. You can connect with her on Instagram and Twitter.
