Despite the books first coming out almost 30 years ago (and the films arriving 10 years later), the Harry Potter franchise remains a global phenomenon. And not just for its intended audience. There’s also a host of adults — yep, mostly millennials — who can’t let go of their childhood fave… for more reasons than one.
If you don’t spend a reasonable amount of time on the internet, you may not know about ‘Dramione’. Well, it’s a fandom term for the shipping of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger — a pairing that has, over the years, sparked a huge amount of (usually erotic) fanfiction. The r/Dramione subreddit, for example, has over 58,000 members, who share smutty stories, drawings, and even their Dramione tattoos.
And if you, reader, are a Dramione shipper, you’re in luck: audio porn platform Quinn has just launched a new series inspired by the fantasy couple. The Trials is set in a high-brow New England school with a magical society, and follows two academic rivals, Theo and Jane, who have an undeniable — if reluctant — connection.
Theo, voiced by Stranger Things’ Jamie Campbell Bower (who, fittingly, also played a young Gellert Grindelwald in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald), is a cocky, charismatic villain, while Jane (who is you, the listener) is a sharp goody-two-shoes. Sound familiar yet?
Across three episodes, the pair partake in a magic-fuelled competition for entry to an exclusive secret society. Think: a sexy power struggle, where the attraction is a battle of wits.
This isn’t Quinn’s first foray into celebrity narrators. Some of our fave heartthrobs have already dipped their toes into the world of audio erotica, with past series being voiced by the likes of Andrew Scott, Emily in Paris’ Lucien Laviscount, and You’s Victoria Pedretti.
Everyone's clicking on...
To mark The Trials’ launch (episodes one and two are available now), Quinn has given us an exclusive excerpt to give you a taste of what’s in store. Read on for some Dramione-inspired erotica — but note: the audio version has full sound design, so it’s really worth a listen too. And, FYI, as you’re Jane, the below is all from Theo’s POV.
So the librarian said all the texts you’ll need are in the back room? I didn’t even know the library had a back room.
Hey, I’ll have you know I have been in this library plenty of times. Probably would’ve come more if I’d known there was a back room — it would’ve been a great place to hook up with someone.
Jane, you can laugh, that was a joke… Unless? I’ll be honest, you seem like the kind of person who harbours secret fantasies of having sex in a pile of books.
What? No, of course not, I don’t care what you fantasise about. Seriously, does your particular model of robot not come with a humour chip installed, or what’s the deal there?
First of all, they should send someone back here to clean more often. Second, there must be hundreds of books back here. I can’t even read the titles on half the spines, they’re so faded and dusty. I mean, that one there looks like it’ll fall apart the moment we touch it. How are we even supposed to find —
Whoa. I do not remember learning that spell.
You invented a spell that would simultaneously scan dozens of books for the desired key words and sort them for you? Of course you did. I suppose that explains all your success in the research department.
Yeah, yeah, and you work very hard, whatever. Should we get started? I wasn’t exactly dreaming of spending my Saturday in a library with you.
Well, I was right. This is a great room to hook up with someone in — no one’s come back here besides us for hours. Though there are places on my body I’m sure I wouldn’t want to find this dust later.
Oh come on, that was funny.
This is extremely boring. Archeological surveys from dead societies? Building records from two centuries ago?
I’m falling asleep over here. Seriously, are you not bored?
Hmph. Then you’re either a very good liar or you have a high pain tolerance because I’d personally rather get a root canal than keep looking at these books.
Then again, I guess you always did love this nerdy stuff in school. You’re probably used to spending the weekends with the driest possible reading. I bet your idea of fun is, like, Crime and Punishment.
God, I’ve tried everything to get you to crack, and nothing! You don’t laugh at my jokes, you don’t get riled up if I’m an asshole to you — you didn’t even have the decency to pretend to be shocked when I proposed that we work together.
There has to be something that makes you drop this perfect façade. It’s infuriating.
I don’t know why I need to get under your skin so badly, but I do. No one can be this prim and this even-keeled all the time, Jane. It’s not possible. Eventually, you have to just… explode.
Don’t you ever get tired of being perfectly in control all the time? Don’t you — Ah. I can’t believe I didn’t figure this out sooner.
Well, I have a hunch that maybe, in the right context, you actually love giving up control. The way you took directions from me in the bar last night, it was a dead giveaway. I bet that if I kissed your throat — right there, where your pulse is — I would find that your heart rate is through the roof.
You don’t think so? Jane. You must have forgotten that I have very keen powers of physical perception. It was one of the few ways I dominated you — I was going to say ‘in sensory magic class’, but I can tell where your mind is at. And Jane? You’d be shocked at how many ways I can dominate someone.
Okay, I will, if you insist. Prove me wrong, Jane…
Liar. If your heart was beating any faster, I could hear it in the next room. The very idea that I’m in complete control right now thrills you, doesn’t it?
I bet you’ve never been with someone who knew what you wanted… who knew what to do with you. I bet you’ve only ever been with people who treated you like some delicate, perfect doll, something to be treated with caution. People who waited for direction from you and who only ever used a soft, careful touch.
But that’s not what you want at all, is it? No, you want to be told what to do. You want someone who knows you can take a little more. You want to be someone’s good girl… How did I know that would work for you? Someone’s good girl who can prove just how well she can take direction. And I bet you could, couldn’t you, Jane?
Oh my god, Jane, you’re trembling. May I try something? If you hate it, I give you permission to kick me.
I need to hear you say it, please.
Alright, let’s try pinning your wrists above your head...
...like this. Hmmmmm. You look so flushed, Jane. Are you feeling alright?
Oh, you think I should check your pulse again?
Alright.
Jane, this is a library, you can’t moan like that in here. I would expect more from you, of all people! You only get what you want if you can be quiet. Should I try again?
‘Please,’ I like that. Well, if you think you’re up to it....
That’s a good girl.
Now, just one more adjustment I’d like to try, if you’re alright with it?
Spread your legs just a little bit for me.
Good. And what would happen if I just… slip my thigh between your legs, let it rest right… there.
I know. Close enough to relieve just a little bit of that tension but not nearly what you want, is it? What you need. That’s because I can’t just touch you without making you work for it. Good girls have to earn it. A good girl would ask politely for what she needed.
Wow. Let me ask you a question, Jane: have you ever been fucked properly in your life?
No, I didn’t think so. Such a shame. Just imagine, Jane. If you let me have my way with you, I would spread you open and feast upon until you begged me to stop. I wouldn’t be happy until you came so many times that you forgot her own name. I wouldn’t even think about fucking you until then.
I can feel you trying to move your hips, Jane. Look at you, so needy for me that you’re grinding down on my thigh. If I slipped my hand between your legs, would you already be soaking wet for me?
Hmmm, I think you’re right. Maybe I should find out.
To hear the full three-episode audio series brought to life by Jamie Campbell Bower, visit Quinn.
