Despite our dating escapades being inescapable on social media, we’re all still largely terrible at talking about sex and relationships. So terrible, in fact, that many of us prefer to turn to Google for our most intimate questions, rather than trouble our friends — or, worryingly, maybe even our doctors — with them.
This isn’t always a bad thing. Your mates probably don’t want to spend their Friday night at the pub answering questions like, ‘What is anal sex?’ or, er, ‘How do fish have sex?’, both of which made appearances on last year’s list of most Googled sex questions. But your more personal queries, about, say, a particular dynamic in your relationship or a sexual health concern, are definitely better placed offline — and, in the case of the latter, with your GP.
Advice heeded? Great! So, what have we all been Googling about sex and relationships in 2024? Well, according to the top trending questions — which Google has shared exclusively with Cosmopolitan UK — the most searched sex query was: ‘What is autosexual?’
Many people first heard this term when Kourtney Kardashian shared a blog about autosexuality back in 2020. To be autosexual means to be attracted to yourself more than others. “The concept is still not entirely understood in the field of human sexuality as there is so little research into this sexuality,” Katherine Hertlein, sex therapist and expert advisor at sex therapy app Blueheart, previously told Cosmopolitan UK. “Autosexual individuals are attracted primarily — sometimes exclusively — to their own bodies. But appreciated more generally, autoeroticism involves a whole range of sexual behaviours and attitudes. Some people may be turned on by themselves exclusively, while some might be turned on by both themselves and others.”
Hertlein added that if you get turned on watching yourself having sex in the mirror or posing in erotic lingerie, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re autosexual. But if you’re aroused by the thought of having sex with yourself, or you have to think about yourself to climax, then you might be. If your appetite has been whetted, you can read more here.
Also among the top trending questions was, ‘Is masturbation a sin’. The answer to this question will depend on your religious or cultural beliefs and/or upbringing, which, says sexologist Amari, “can be deeply ingrained and may require unpacking with the help of a therapist who specialises in addressing trauma”.
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To us, masturbation definitely isn’t a sin. There’s no shame in your sexuality, and masturbating is a natural and healthy way of expressing it. But, of course, it’s important to feel comfortable and confident with that. We have a guide to masturbating (really well) here, but Amari has shared a few of her own tips for those who might be feeling shame surrounding it.
“To get started, find a quiet, interruption-free space where you feel relaxed,” she suggests. “Some people enjoy listening to music, watching or listening to erotic material, or simply using their imagination. Do whatever feels right for you. Take your time, and don’t rush yourself. There’s no need to aim for a specific outcome — focus on the journey, not the destination.”
“For your first time, you don’t necessarily have to touch your genitals,” continues Amari. “You can start by observing or thinking about what arouses you. Experiment with stroking different parts of your body, and when you feel ready, explore your genitals. Researching your anatomy can be very helpful — for example, the frenulum on a penis and the clitoris on a vulva are key pleasure spots for many people. As you explore, pay attention to how your body feels. Everyone is unique, so what works for someone else might not work for you. Let go of worries about ‘doing it right’. Instead, focus on the sensations and your body’s responses. This mindset can help reduce anxiety and enhance your experience. A helpful tip: consider using a water-based lubricant for a more comfortable and pleasurable experience.”
A lot of you were also curious about how often married couples have sex. It’s a widespread stereotype that once you get married, the sex stops, which, of course, isn’t the case. But there is some truth to the idea that people in long-term relationships start to have less sex the longer they’re together. “Factors such as familiarity, daily stressors, life changes (e.g. having children or ageing), and health issues often contribute to this decline,” explains Amari. “Over time, the novelty and excitement of a new relationship naturally diminishes.”
If you’re in a long-term relationship that’s going through a sexual dry spell, Amari suggests prioritising intentional connection and really making that extra effort. “Schedule quality time together, whether through date nights, cuddling, or even planning sex to make it a shared priority,” she says. “Open communication is crucial — share your feelings, desires, and fantasies. Introducing novelty is a powerful way to keep things exciting. Experiment with new ideas like sex toys, roleplay, attending sex parties, or exploring kink and BDSM. Building non-sexual affection, such as holding hands, hugging, or giving massages, can also rekindle desire without pressure.”
On that note, let’s move over to the relationships side. It seems like a lot of you are confused about the different types of relationships out there. Among the top trending questions are, ‘What is DINK relationship?’, ‘What is a hard launch relationship?’, and ‘What is a karmic relationship?’.
Well, what are all of these things? First up, DINK, which is an acronym for ‘dual income, no kids’. It was coined in the 1980s, but took off on TikTok this year, with couples showing off about the benefits of being childless, like being able to travel the world, spend time on hobbies (and money on snacks), or simply have a lie-in on a weekend.
If you’re DINKs, then you’ve probably already ‘hard launched’ your relationship — which essentially means sharing it on social media. Gone are the days of ‘soft launching’ your new beaux on Instagram by posting the back of their head, now we’re just announcing them to the world with a full-on face shot — or, if you’re Emily Ratajkowski, a nude of the two of you after sex. Chic! Technically, the relationship hard launch took off in 2023, but, as we here at Cosmo revealed this year, 2024 has been the era of the hard launch break-up. I guess if you go in with a bang, you have to go out with one, too.
Next up: karmic relationships. We actually have a whole explainer about this, but the TL;DR is: a karmic relationship is one that brings to light issues from another lifetime. The belief is, as relationship expert Samora Suber previously told us, that karmic relationships “reflect a soul connection from a past life with the understanding that there’s still some unfinished business that needs to happen in this life”. Basically, if you have a feeling of déjà vu around your partner, or like you’ve known them forever, you could be karmic soulmates.
In 2024, it seems a lot of us are also still intrigued about different relationship styles, with questions about monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, and relationship exclusivity trending. You’re also asking about PDA — maybe off the back of 2024 being the year of cringe couple cuteness on social? Plus, as therapy-speak continues to dominate in popular culture, many of you are looking for definitions and signs of things like narcissism, gaslighting, and codependence — if you’re worried about any of these things, you can find more information in our explainers below. And if you need further help, you can visit Women’s Aid or call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Without further ado, read on for the full list of most Googled sex and relationships questions in 2024. We have dedicated articles on a couple of the below sex questions, including ‘Is it normal to bleed after sex?’ and ‘How long after a C-section can you have sex?’, but they’re no substitute for professional medical advice. For any sexual health concerns, check the NHS website or speak to your GP.
Top trending sex questions
- What is autosexual?
- Is it normal to bleed after sex?
- Is masturbation a sin?
- What is an orgasm?
- How long after a C-section can you have sex?
- How often do married couples have sex?
Top trending relationships questions
- What is PDA in a relationship?
- What is a DINK relationship?
- What does exclusive mean in a relationship?
- How to spot a narcissist in a relationship?
- What is an ENM [ethical non-monogamy] relationship?
- What is a hard launch relationship?
- What is a karmic relationship?
- What is a monogamy relationship?
- Is my relationship over?
- What is gaslighting in a relationship?
- What is a codependent relationship?
