When Lily Allen mentioned her favourite sex toy (the Womanzier, FYI) in her 2018 memoir My Thoughts Exactly, it was little more than a passing comment. Two years later, and she's just released her very own version of the clit sucker toy called The Liberty. While she's currently working with Womanzier as part of their #IMasturbate campaign, she wasn't always such a big fan of masturbation.
“In the beginning I was so uncomfortable in my own skin and with myself that actually sitting down with my hands and like trying to feel myself and get myself to a certain place was like, I mean, I repulsed myself at that particular time in my life," she tells us. "So the idea that I would be sitting there and giving myself this time and space to pleasure myself was such a foreign concept to me."
But she found a way to slowly become more comfortable with masturbating. "At first I would have to tell myself, ‘You deserve this.’ And it took a while to convince myself of that,” she says.
Speaking about what her sex life was like before she married Stranger Things actor David Harbour, she says, "Before I met my husband, I'd actually never even been on a date before. I had always just ended up going to the pub with my friends or whoever’s friends, getting pissed and then ending up in somebody's bed.
"It was sort of never really about somebody wining and dining me. It was never [about] prioritising myself within any kind of hookup. It was always about being a sort of vessel for somebody else. And it wasn't until I'd got married and had two children that I thought it was starting to feel like something was missing.”
And it turns out, that something was her pleasure. Lily says that although she has learned to love masturbation and now takes time to prioritise her pleasure, she's still "not very good at just wanking with my hands." She says, "I’m not a good analogue wanker. It’s the digital or the tech elements that get me off. It's been very difficult for me to become intimate with myself. And yes, sex toys certainly helped kind of break that barrier for me."
Lily believes masturbation makes partnered sex better, too. “I’m definitely able to articulate and communicate better what it is that I like. And that was definitely something that I wasn't remotely interested in having a conversation about before. The question [I asked] afterwards would have been, ‘Was that okay, for you?’ Whereas now, I’m very specific. My partner is quite responsive to me telling him. I think that that's how it should be in a healthy relationship.”
She is also keen to point out that masturbation is still important, even if you're in a relationship. "Prioritise your masturbation for you," she says. Adding, "sex with your partner should be a sort of side dish. I got married to my husband five weeks ago, and I haven't seen him since he's been shooting in America. My previous partners I would not see for long periods of time as well, because I'd be on tour. Unless I want that pleasure area to be desolate for those periods of time, then I have to sort myself out."
The Liberty by Lily Allen is available to buy now, priced at £89.99.
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Paisley is the former Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK. She covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.
