If you’ve never heard of a lingam massage, or penis massage more generally, then strap in because this is a technique worth learning about. There are many different types of sexual and erotic massages — everyone’s heard of a happy ending massage, right? But an orgasmic massage can take many forms, from kinky to spiritual, cock worship to tantric massage.
Incorporating massage into your sex life can be a great way to explore your own and your partner’s body, as well as opening yourself up to a whole range of new feelings and sensations.
A lingam massage, a little like a yoni massage — which aims to relieve tension and develop feeling inside the vagina and around the vulva — focuses specifically on the penis. So, if you’re intrigued (and we know you are), here’s everything you need to know about this unique style of massage...
What is a lingam massage?
While a yoni massage is a tantric massage for the vulva, lingam massage is a tantric sex practice that involves massaging the penis. “‘Lingam’ is the Sanskrit word for penis, and loosely translates as ‘wand of light’,” explains Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney.
A lingam massage involves not just massaging the lingam (the penis) but also the testicles, perineum (the sensitive patch of skin between the anus and the scrotum), and the prostate (thought of as the ‘sacred spot’). “The idea is that the person receiving the massage totally surrenders themselves to pleasure,” Knight continues.
Lingam massage is a great practice for encouraging your partner to be vulnerable, to slow down and receive. In a world where men are constantly urged to be dominant during sex, having your partner surrender control and embrace their sensuality can be incredibly empowering for you both.
Why do people get lingam massages?
Simply put: because they’re enjoyable! Lingam massages are a great opportunity for the receiver to focus on their own pleasure and to feel sensations that they may not usually feel through masturbating or having sex.
Lingam massages can also make it possible for men and people with penises to experience multiple orgasms, something which is misleadingly thought to only be experienced by women and people with vaginas.
“The aim is to not just to have one orgasm but several,” explains Knight. “It is about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will turn into waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage.”
Of course, there’s no pressure to orgasm at all. Tantra is all about the experience — feeling every sensation and really connecting with your body and your sexual energy. The most important thing is to breathe deeply, take your time, and surrender.
How to perform a lingam massage on your partner
If you’re planning on trying out a lingam massage on your penis-having partner, Knight has created an easy step-by-step guide. Set some time aside for this because tantric sex is the polar opposite of a quickie!
1.Create an ambience. Light some candles, dim the lights, put on some chilled music, and make sure you and your partner are completely relaxed.
2. Choose a massage oil, preferably one that is edible, melts easily, and maybe even scented — or a massage candle can work just as well.
3. Sync your breathing with your partner and continue like this throughout the massage. This will help you to bond spiritually.
4. Start the massage gently around the legs, stomach, thighs, chest, and nipples, but leave the ‘sacred wand’ alone for now. As humans, our natural state is ‘doing’, so give the receiver time to get into the ‘receiving’ mode.
5. Caress the areas around the penis, including the perineum and the scrotum.
6. Begin to massage the shaft, then move up to the most sensitive area of the penis, the head, where there are the most nerve endings. Keep your hands moving and don’t worry if you partner momentarily loses their erection, as this is common in Tantra and they should quickly become hard again.
7. Start to anally finger your partner. Be gentle at first and make sure to use a water-based lubricant.
8. Don’t let your partner orgasm straight away. If they are close to finishing, hold back before resuming. Do this several times and, again, don’t worry if your partner goes soft for periods. This practice is known as edging, and can help to control orgasms and make the final orgasm longer-lasting and more intense.
9. Stimulate the prostate, which is thought of in tantra as the ‘sacred spot’. This is a gland about the size of a pea inside the anus. It has a soft spongy texture like a ripe plum and can be accessed via the rectum either with your finger or with a prostate massager.
10. Let your partner ejaculate. Their body should be overcome with waves of pleasure. Job done!
Is a lingam massage different from a happy ending massage?
While lingam massage and happy ending massages come under the umbrella of erotic massage, they’re actually really different in terms of what they’re trying to achieve.
“Even though at first glance they might seem very similar, tantric massages and lingam massage are much slower and more measured than regular happy ending massages,” explains Knight.
“Lingam massages aim to help the receiver truly take hold of their sexual power. Meanwhile, a happy ending massage is simply a conventional massage focusing on the whole body, followed by a sex act.”
Emily Gulla was Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Editorial Assistant/Junior Entertainment and Lifestyle Writer, covering celebs, TV and film for the site, magazine and video. She’s interviewed the casts of your favourite TV shows, from Bridgerton to Derry Girls and Stranger Things, as well as dozens of Love Islanders. She also loves getting stuck into long-read features, writing on all things digital culture (including her favourite topic: memes), and dating - having appeared on the radio to discuss dating.
Emily's work has also been published on ELLE, Women's Health, Harper's Bazaar, Digital Spy and more. She holds a First Class degree in English with Film Studies from King's College London, and even wrote her dissertation on Love Island. You can find Emily on Instagram and LinkedIn, and can see more of her work on her website.
Emilie Lavinia is Cosmopolitan UK's Former Sex and Relationships Editor. An accredited Sex Educator and Sexologist, Emilie explores identity, equity and innovations in sex, love, wellness and identity with her writing, broadcasting, coaching and commercial work. Emilie has written for the likes of The Guardian, Stylist, Grazia, Woman & Home, Red and Women's Health. She has appeared in documentaries exploring sex and wellbeing by ITV, Channel 5 and the BBC. Emilie has represented the UK as a United Nations Delegate and is a passionate advocate for women's health, LGBTQ+ rights and sex education and public health policy. She is a representative for Young Women's Trust, United Nations Women and The Porn Conversation and works with a number of charities. She loves big books, Bell Hooks, her infrared sauna and her Pomeranian, Ivy Valentine. She lives in London and can give you a rating out of 10 for every sex toy ever invented. Sign up to Emilie's Substack newsletter The Cuff for spice and advice or follow her on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or her website: emilielavinia.com
