Expert consulted: There really is a sex toy for everything, isn't there? Whether you’re a first-timer or more used to getting handsy, looking to upgrade your solo sessions, spice up partnered sex, or simply ready to get experimenting with sexy new tech, we’re going to make sure you love it here. Now we’re past the initial greetings and pleasantries, let’s get into it: how do you use a vibrator?
Firstly, there’s no right or wrong way to introduce vibrators into your sex life. Building your collection is loads of fun, with options that range from budget-friendly to luxurious sex toys, and buzzy to whisper-quiet. Yup, vibrators are one of the most versatile sex toys around. Buying a vibrator for the first time can be a little intimidating, so before diving in, it can be a good idea to familarise yourself with the different types of sex toys on offer.
In this guide, we explore how to go about finding a staple for your nightstand — but know this: it can take some time! It’s not always a case of love at first vibe. Some people swear by clitoral stimulators, while others prefer penetrative toys. It’s all about finding what works for you.
If you’ve come this far, we’re sure you have lots of questions. How do I know what vibrator is for me? Or how do I introduce sex toys when I masturbate? And even, will my partner be upset if I try to use a vibrator when we have sex? Then there’s also the basics of how to use a vibrator: where do I put it and how is it supposed to feel?
Well don't worry, you won't be wondering for long! Keep reading for our sex writers' tips on how to find the best vibrator, as well as expert advice on how to use a vibrator really really well.
Finding the right vibrator for you
It’s important to keep in mind that everyone is different, and given sex toys are used on such delicate areas of the body, you will need to find a vibe that works for you.
There are so many types to choose from and, although it’s great to have options, it can be kind of intimidating if you're not sure where to start.
Regardless of the type of toy you're using, the first thing you should consider when looking at a sex toy is the kind of material it's made from. Most vibrators are made from silicone, so it's worth checking the silicone is body-safe or medical-grade (i.e. fit for intimate use).
Another suitable material is ABS plastic, plus jelly and PVC are used occasionally (but beware that these are not as long-lasting as silicone toys due to being porous).
Then, OFC, you'll need to think about what kind of stimulation gets you off the most. If you're new to the vibrator game, we don't need to tell you that you'll be hard pressed to find hands, mouths, or genitals out there that can buzz in the same way as a vibrator.
But not all vibrators buzz — some suck, thump, thrust, and pulse — so shop around for one that has features that call out to you. Keep reading for a break down of the kinds of vibrators out there — and how to use each one.
How to use a vibrator
Once you have a new bedside bud that's turning you on just to think about it, now is the time to bring it into your solo or partnered sex.
Not all sex toys are created equal, though — not least because their size, settings, and stimulation totally changes from toy to toy — so to help you out, here are some tips on how to use each type of vibrator.
Bullet vibrators
Beginners might want to try out a bullet vibrator — these are small, powerful vibrators perfect for clitoral stimulation. Due to their discreet size and accessible shape, bullet vibes are a really solid option for your first-time vibrator. They also tend to be subtle, quiet and cheap.
If you're not totally confident you'll be able to navigate a more complicated vibrator, you’re in luck — bullet vibrators are so easy to use, and super effective! Slip some water-based lube onto the bullet with your hand, or by applying directly.
“Most bullets have a singular button that clicks through all the functions,” says sex expert and educator for Ann Summers, Scotty Unfamous. So to get started, power the bullet vibrator up on its lowest setting.
Warm up first
While you might be keen to immediately drag your new vibe to your vulva, “bullet vibrators can be used all over the body to provide pinpointed stimulation,” Scotty explains.
“Extend the exploration to your nipples, thighs, behind your knees and other external erogenous zones,” she says, before heading down south.
Once you're aroused and ready for some genital stimulation, there are a few ways to play. They're called bullets for a reason — these teeny powerful motors can shoot you straight towards the big O, and fast. But if you're looking for a longer pleasure sesh, you might want to try edging yourself with the vibrator.
“Most people gravitate towards using the tip of the bullet to stimulate themselves, but you can also turn it onto its side and use it horizontally if the tip of it is overstimulating or you want to build up your arousal,” says Scotty.
Use it on a clitoris...
We'd recommend beginning around the labia and then progressing to circling the clitoris, steadily working your way in towards your clitoris as you become more comfortable and turned on.
You can also try direct contact on the clitoris if you want — keep in mind that some people love this, whereas others find that their clit is too sensitive. There is no “normal” way to respond to direct clit stimulation, so don't feel bad if it’s a bit too much.
Remember that you can use the bullet in whatever way feels good for you. Once you're accustomed to and enjoying the lowest setting, you can begin to experiment: slowly working your way up and finding a pattern or speed that you enjoy.
...Or a penis
Bullets can also be used on a penis, Scotty explains — so you can share your pleasure with a partner, if you're feeling generous.
“Hold or rub the bullet over the glans (head of the penis), frenulum (small piece of skin packed with nerve endings, that connects the glans to the shaft) and shaft of the penis and on the testicles,” Scotty recommends.
“You can also use them to externally stimulate the anus and perineum to enhance penis play (or on its own if you like that).” Just make sure to not insert your bullet inside the asshole itself — these toys don't have a flared base so they're not safe for anal penetration!
Bullet vibrators to try out
Pros
- Affordable
- Easy to use
Cons
- Battery-operated
The Lovehoney Excite is one of the best bullet vibrators out there and, good news, it's super affordable. It has 10 speed and pattern settings (pretty impressive for the price), and a pointed tip for targeted stimulation. It’s great value for money and feels amazing, just make sure you stock up on batteries as they don't come with the toy!
Lovehoney Desire Desire Luxury Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Pros
- Rechargeable is better for the planet (and your bank account!)
- Comes in a leather storage pouch
Cons
- Gets a bit slippery once lube is involved
If you're sick of having to *constantly* change the batteries on your bullet, it might be time to invest in a rechargeable number (they're also better for the planet, FYI!). While power type is not the sexiest topic, the Desire Luxury Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator from Lovehoney certainly is, as it boasts a whopping three speeds and 17 vibration patterns for a whole host of ways to orgasm.
It's also extra quiet, meaning you don’t have to worry about housemates hearing, and waterproof so you can use it in the bath or shower. And to top it all off, it comes with a storage case where the toy can be charged discreetly.
Pros
- Tapered tip for stimulation that's as broad or precise as you like
- Charges quickly
- Super durable (one reviewer says theirs still works after accidentally putting it through a full cycle of laundry!)
Cons
- Only six intensities, so not tons to choose from
If you know your way around a bullet vibrator and have outgrown the single-speed versions, consider upgrading to the Mia 2 from LELO. Though it's on the pricier end of the spectrum — at £79 — it’s a bestseller for a reason.
Made with discretion in mind, you can’t even really tell that it’s a vibrator until you take the cap off. It's got a sculpted tip, meaning you can use it for accurate stimulation that you can move around your vulva to find your exact sweet spot. It *also* comes with a one-year warranty, is waterproof, and has a total of six powerful vibration settings.
Rabbit vibrators
Looking for your happy ending? Give a rabbit vibrator a try. This variety of toy stimulates both your clit and your G-spot, so unsurprisingly, it's renowned for introducing women and people with vaginas to what is known as a ‘blended orgasm’ (in short, an orgasm that occurs when two erogenous zones are stimulated simultaneously, like the clitoris and the G-spot).
“If you struggle to climax from penetrative stimulation, a rabbit will assist with that as your clitoris won’t be neglected,” says Scotty. We're so there.
How to use a rabbit vibrator
If you've never used a rabbit vibrator before, you may well be feeling intimidated (they're not exactly the tamest-looking sex toy out there). Take the pressure off: start slowly and don’t rush. Make sure you use lots of water-based lube in order to maximise comfort and pleasure. Then, get things started by setting the vibrator as low as possible as a jumping off point.
Start slow
“Before insertion, take some time to play with the controls and familiarise yourself with the functions,” Scotty says. “Everyone’s vulva is different, so play around with positioning to figure out which angles and depth suit your anatomy best and that you find the most pleasurable.”
Try different positions
There are plenty of different motions you can try but the most important thing is listening to your body and trying out what feels good, you make the rules! “When using the rabbit, you can keep it close to your body to get the full benefit of the clitoral stimulator and your G-spot with small grinding motions,” Scotty suggests. “Alternatively, you can thrust it in and out of yourself, which will bring the clitoral stimulator away from you body between each one.”
As you become more comfortable and turned on, you might want to work your way up to the higher settings. Keep in mind that you can operate the shaft and rabbit ears separately on some toys, so try a bit of both or just one to discover what works best for you.
Rabbit vibrators to try out
Pros
- Small but powerful
- Three colours to choose from
Cons
- Power button is on the end which could be annoying if you accidentally bang it while holding
If you haven't used a rabbit vibe before, opting for one on the smaller and cheaper side could be a good place to start. This one has 10 functions (thank god! you don't have to sacrifice size for power...) but has a sweet four insertable inches, so you won't have to worry about it hitting against your cervix while you're trying to enjoy the dual stim.
It's also blissfully quiet, so if you'd prefer to keep your wanking habits to yourself, this dual motor won't wake up the entire household every time you reach for it.
Dream Rabbit Rechargeable Silicone Thrusting Rabbit Vibrator
Pros
- Easy to control thanks to the three buttons
- Has a travel lock to avoid airport embarrassment
Cons
- Not the most discreet looking or sounding toy
If you take your G-spot stimulation thrusting, you might want to consider getting a rabbit with that motion built in, to avoid having to move your arm too aggressively while you get off.
As well as doing what all other rabbits do, this Dream Thrusting Rabbit Vibrator extends inside you at three speeds, and mimics IRL penetration. We'll leave you to imagine what happens when you combine that with its ‘ears’ vibrating at three speeds in seven patterns...
Pros
- Afterglow button reverts to lower setting for ‘relaxing’ end to the orgasm
- Vibrations and suction are separately controllable
Cons
- Pretty pricey
For anyone looking for a more luxe option, the Womanizer Duo elevates the rabbit vibrator to almost beyond recognition. In addition to the vibrating shaft, it also has a clit sucker function, which sucks... but like, in the best way.
That’s right, instead of the rabbit ears that vibrate against your clitoris, the Duo nestles into your clit and without coming into contact, sends out pressure waves that mimic the feeling of oral sex. Mwah!
G-spot vibrators
G-spot vibrators come in a ton of different forms, but they will usually feature a shaft shape with a taper at the end to — you guessed it — stimulate your G-spot (which, ICYMI, is located two to three inches into the vagina on its front wall).
How to use a G-spot vibrator
Since G-spot vibrators place the emphasis internal stimulation, they're super easy to use for anyone that already likes penetration.
Warm up first!
But before you insert anything into your vagina, you gotta warm up first (it's called foreplay, folks!). “Warm up is incredibly important when it comes to G-spot stimulation specifically,” says sex educator and relationship coach, Poppy Scarlett.
“Use lots of lube to make sure everything stays juicy and wet, and ensure the area is engorged with blood before you move on to stimulation. Use your fingers first to make sure you’re ready to receive anything further.”
If your toy can only be used for internal use, this is where you might want to use your hands, a partner's tongue, or a separate clit vibrator to warm up your external erogenous zones.
Lube it up
Once you're aroused, start by covering the vibrator with water-based lube and slowly inserting it. You can turn the vibrations on before you do this or once it’s inside. Start on the lowest setting and hold the vibrator inside you. When you’re feeling nice and comfortable you can move it in and out, around, and work your way through the vibration settings.
You might also want to experiment with positions and movements, Scarlett suggests.
G-spot vibrators to try
Lovehoney Silencer Whisper Quiet Classic Vibrator 7 Inch
Pros
- 7 insertable inches is more than enough
- Super quiet
Cons
- Battery operated :(
Not everyone wants their G-spot vibrator to look like real genitals, and that's okay. This one from Lovehoney is pink and wavey (so, unlike any schlong we've ever seen IRL), and comes in at under £20.
Push the single button to power it up, before venturing inside to deliver its seven vibration modes directly to your G-spot.
Pros
- Unlimited vibration patterns
- Sync it to music, games, and erotic content
Cons
- The insertable 'egg' might be too large for some
Not into the whole having to hold your vibrator sitch? (So fair, queen.) This vibe from Lovense is hands-free, thanks to its C-shape, which along with your pelvic floor muscles holds it in place.
To totally relinquish control of your Os, get your partner to connect to the Lovense Remote app, where they can create an unlimited number of vibration patterns (from anywhere in the world, no less), or switch between any number of the pre-set patterns made by other users on the platform.
Pros
- Curved for ultimate G-spot stimulation
- Plastic handle makes it easy to hold
Cons
- App can be a little clunky
Okay, we know LELO toys are on the pricier side, but the GIGI 3 is a great option for anyone with a bit more to spend.
Its flat tip not only hits your G-spot pretty much *every* time, making it ideal for using as a non-vibrating toy too, it is loaded with eight vibration settings to tip you over the edge, and can be controlled using an app on your phone if you CBA to take it out to figure out the settings mid-wank.
Wand vibrators
Wand vibrators are a super handy tool. Famed for giving the ultimate orgasms thanks to their extremely powerful motors, they evolved from neck massagers designed to relieve tired muscles, until people with vulvas stumbled upon the fact they give expert clitoral stimulation.
How to use a wand vibrator
Wand vibrators look pretty big and, admittedly, they are powerful. But don't be too intimidated — they're only used externally. As with all other vibrators, you can use it in whichever way feels good for you, it's all about feeling that out and having fun in the process.
Massage o'clock
“You can use wand vibrators to deliver a relaxing massage for yourself or your partner,” Scotty explains. “If you pair it with a massage oil, make sure that it is compatible with the material the wand is made from, as oil degrades silicone. Try using a good quality water, silicone or hybrid lube as their slip lasts longer.”
Mix it up
Once that has got you in the mood, experiment with placing the toy at different points of your vulva. Looking for some guidance? “Wands are good for grinding,” says Scotty. “If you are someone who likes to grind, mount your wand on top of a pillow (or whatever surface you prefer) and grind against it.”
Wands can also be used to transform different kinds of partnered sex. “During foreplay, you can place it between your legs to grind against whilst pleasing your partner,” Scotty explains. “If you and your partner both have vulvas and the wand head is big enough, you can put it between both of you and grind against it.
“If you have internal toys that don’t vibrate, the wand can transform them. Insert the penetrative toy then press the wand against the base for enhanced stimulation.”
Wand vibrators to try
Lovehoney How to use a vibrator: Lovehoney Deluxe Rechargeable Mini Massage Wand Vibrator
Pros
- Flexy head helps you meet your sweet spots
- Ideal for partnered sex as will fit between you more easily than larger wands
Cons
- Battery only lasts for an hour
If you want something smaller and have a lower budget, Lovehoney's mini wand vibrator is a good toy for beginners.
At just 7.5 inches long, it's much smaller than other wands, but still packs a punch thanks to its 10 intensity levels and seven patterns — easily controllable via its three buttons.
And — you'll be pleased to know — it's rechargeable, so you don't have to stick to a spot near a socket. Phew!
Pros
- Covered in smooth silicone, so not as intense as other wands
- Pretty quiet, as wands go
- Use it for C-spot and G-spot stimulation
Cons
- You won't be able to put it down
If you're after something reliable that can be stowed in your bedside drawer/sex box and called upon when the time is right, the So Divine Wand Vibrator is perfect.
Not only is it rechargeable and 100% waterproof, it can be used on both (yup, you read that right!) ends, so you can reach for it for both clit and G-spot stimulation. Plus, it has 10 powerful vibration settings, including three speeds and seven functions, to choose from.
Pros
- Ergonomic AF, so easy to hold
- Choose from three colours
Cons
- She's pricey!
For those after something a little more advanced, the LELO SMART WAND is a best-selling multi-functional vibe that features 10 rumbly speeds for intense, stimulating pleasure.
Covered in the silkiest silicone, the shape of this wand makes for an easy hold — so you can reap the benefits of it rumbly vibrations without your arms and wrists taking the strain. Smart, heh?
A few extra tips
Now that you're a pro at using a vibrator for solo play, here's a few extra tips on how they can take your sex life to the next level:
Using the vibrator all over
It might shock you to hear this, but the clit doesn't always have to be the main event! While we are entirely thankful that we live in an era where foreplay is becoming increasingly normalised, there is no reason for it to *just* be a stopover on the way to the C-spot.
Before you start stimulating your vulva, get yourself into a state of arousal, says Scarlett.
“Prepare your body to receive your sex toy so when you apply the toy to your body, it's already craving it and ready for that intense stimulation that sex toys can provide,” she explains.
“If you are in the mood to grab your vibrator with no warm-up, and come in a minute, that is absolutely fine. But there are benefits to be had from accessing a state of arousal before introducing any external stimuli, so you can maximise the pleasure you get from that sex object.”
Know your vulva
When it comes to direct genital stimulation, there is a whole world to explore around the clit you see on the surface. You’d be surprised just how much variation there is in the clitoris, don’t forget that it actually extends deep beneath the labia. As you become more experienced, you can achieve a fantastic level of precision with a good vibrator.
Some people with vulvas say a particular side of their clitoris is more sensitive, whereas others might prefer to stimulate somewhere just above or below. If you’re especially sensitive, you can try using it outside the labia. By covering the clit, the vibrations are slightly more subtle, which gives you a slower build up to orgasm.
Try edging with a vibrator
When you get more familiar with your vibrator, you can experiment with some really exciting techniques, such as ‘edging.’ This is when you bring yourself close to the ‘edge’ of orgasm but don’t quite push yourself over it. You repeat this several times until you’re in a super-heightened state of arousal and any touch makes you feel like you might explode. Sounds good, right? Well, it’s even more fun with a great vibe.
Explore those vibrator settings!
Toys are more and more sophisticated and nowadays come with a whole range of different settings, perfect for both timid first timers who enjoy gentler vibrations to those who relish concrete-smashing power when it comes to getting off. When you get a new toy, try out each pattern and speed setting as you might discover you like a sensation you never thought you would.
Using vibrators during partnered sex
Using a vibrator with a partner is a great way to elevate your sex and explore new sensations with each other. Just make sure to check with your partner first, before you start whipping out new equipment.
“Make the conversation as light as possible, because it's not a big deal,” says Scarlett. “Frame the conversation around your desire to experience more mutual pleasure and curiosity about how you can experience that together, rather than positioning it as something that's lacking.”
If your partner has a penis, give the nipples, balls, or the sensitive frenulum just under the head of their penis a buzz. Plus, a small vibe like a bullet can even be used to stimulate the clitoris during missionary intercourse — it won’t even get in the way.
If your partner has a vulva, there's a whole host of options available for you! Ask them how they like to use a vibrator and show them how you do; and feel free to start swapping around.
“You can also give a partner a demonstration of how you use your toy, where you like to put it, and the positions you do, and see how they can fit into that,” Scarlett says. If mutual masturbation isn't your thing, though, you can both experience the good vibes together by adding them onto strap-ons during penetrative sex. There's no rule book; the fun is in exploring!
Once you're done exploring, don't forget to clean your toys.
Meet the experts
- Scotty Unfamous is a sex educator, erotic author, and the sex expert at Ann Summers.
- Poppy Scarlett is a sex educator, polyamory educator, and relationship coach.
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
Paige Vahla (She/Her) is Cosmopolitan UK's former Sex & Relationships Editor covering all things sex, relationships, friends and family, and LGBTQ+. Think of her as your sex-positive best friend who offers expert insight and first-person perspectives when it comes to exploring the realm of love and sex. Whether you're updating your sex toy stash, getting over a friendship break-up or need answers to your burning relationship questions - she's got you covered. You can also follow her on Twitter.
Honey is the Senior Sex and Relationships E-commerce Writer for Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health and Men’s Health. She covers shopping guides and reviews of the best sex toys; deals events — including Amazon Prime Day and Black Friday; and sex, dating, and LGBTQ+ trends.
Her journalism career started in 2020 when she started Sextras, a podcast and digital magazine about sex and relationships. Find Sextras on Spotify or Substack, where she writes and chats about everything from positive masculinity and how to practise sex magic, to why the latest kink or porn category is blowing up.
She has an MA in Magazine Journalism from City, University of London, and previously reported for HR magazine. Her features also appear in Glamour, Refinery29, The Independent, and more.
When she's not asking everyone she meets invasive questions about their sex and dating lives, you'll find Honey singing around her flat, teaching herself a new craft, or working her way through a new '90s/'00s box set with her flatmate.
Annabelle Knight Bsc Dip is one of the most relevant experts when it comes to dating, sex and relationships, a certified couples counsellor, qualified life coach and has a diploma in psychosexual therapy.
In print Annabelle is Fabulous Magazine's resident Sexpert, contributor for The Sun, The Metro, The Telegraph and Cosmopolitan magazine on all things sex, dating and relationships and has a weekly full page column in Now Magazine.
