Deep throating isn't for everyone, but for some, it can be pretty enjoyable. Whether it's the power play aspects or the way it lends to role play, there's nothing to be ashamed of if you do enjoy the sensation. But while you have probably heard of deep throating, you might not know what it actually entails orrrrrr how to do it IRL.
That's where we come in. If you want to learn more about deep throating or get some advice on how to level up your deep throat game, you've come to the right place. We turned to Carly Rae Summers, an adult actor and deep throating expert, as well as sex expert Gigi Engle, to explain what deep throating is, how to practice it, and how to communicate about deep throating in the bedroom.
What is deep throating?
Let us be clear that while deep throating is something that might seem fairly common in porn — thanks to one of the most famous adult movies ever made (1972's Deep Throat starring Linda Lovelace) — it's not your everyday oral sex act. Our bodies have a gag reflex that stops anything that makes its way into our throat from choking us, so naturally, a penis in your throat will likely induce that response. The idea with deep throating is to overcome the gag reflex and embrace the sensation.
"Deep throat is different to your average blow job, as the penis surpasses your mouth. It travels to the depth of your throat. Giving the receiver a tight all-round grasp," explains Summers.
There are so many tips and tricks on how to level up your deep throat game. But before we get into that, it's time for a little chat about consent and communication — courtesy of Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app, Taimi.
Whether you're reading this as someone who is looking to give deep throat or as someone who wants to receive it, it's worth laying down the single golden rule: you have to ask someone to deep throat rather than just pushing their head down during a regular blow job. Don't ever do that.
"Pushing someone's head down [during oral sex] is rude at best and can even be considered sexual assault at worst," Engle explains.
Instead, you should bring up deep throating in advance of getting down to business. "Communication is always key when it comes to anything you want to try sexually," Engle adds.
While it can feel vulnerable opening up about a new or under-explored sexual desire, it can help to think about why this particular act is so appealing to you. "Start by asking yourself why you find it to be such a turn-on. This way you'll be better equipped to explain why you're into it to your partner."
You might also want to queue up some (ethical) porn for inspo. "It can be helpful to watch some ethically sourced erotic deep throating materials together to get in the mood for it — and to more accurately show your partner why you find it so appealing."
However, just because you want something to happen doesn't mean your partner will — and you have to respect that.
Lastly, be sure to prioritise your own comfort — not just what you think will bring your partner pleasure. "If you're hellbent on deep throating, even if you don't really like it, you're going to wind up resentful. Deep throating can be fun and a cool party trick, but it just isn't necessary," Engle advises.
"We have to stop proliferating the idea that women need to choke, feel sick, and be uncomfortable in order for their male partners to have a good time. That's just misogyny."
How to deep throat
Before you get started with deep throating, you might want to practise regular blow jobs first.
"Deep throating can (and often will) trigger your gag reflex. You can practice deep throating by trying to calm the gag reflex when objects touch that back part of your throat, but this all takes time and patience," Engle explains.
"You probably won't enjoy deep throating — or oral sex in general — if you don't take the time to learn what you like about it and hone your skills."
In short, deep throating is not something to rush into. If you're keen to develop your skills in this specific area, however, there are three ways to practice deep throating, according to Summers:
1. Fingers. "This technique is a great way to train your gag reflex and to learn how to work with it. My gag reflex may be mostly dormant, but the sensation of a gag is something special. Make it part of your skill set, and work through it. If it happens, stop, take a second for a breather and continue as if it's no bother at all."
2. A suction cup dildo. This will help you train. You'll require a dildo with a lot of flex so it curves down your throat — realistic toys are great for this. Stick it to a surface (your mirror, a table, the floor) and go wild. You can experiment with a range of angles and positions to find your 'sweet spots'.
3. And then of course, the real thing. Take it slow, remember to breathe and see where it takes you.
Deep throating tips
Yes, we know, it's kind of hard to breathe with your throat blocked, but if you can, practice box breathing. AKA in through your nose, hold, out through your mouth, hold. This kind of breath control can make it much easier to hold your breath for extended periods of time and can help you master the art of circular breathing, which can really come in handy when you have your mouth full.
Summer also suggests using LOTS of lube and spit. The more lubricated your mouth and lips are, the easier everything will feel. "Secondly," says Summers, "safety has to be considered when deep throating as it comes with a high risk of catching an STI. Like with any sex, condoms should be worn when deep throating new partners. Always make sure you're taking regular sexual health tests; vaginally, orally and anally."
Which positions are best for deep throating?
"Angles play a key role in the success of deep throating. Every penis is different and comes with its own challenges. If your sexual partner happens to have a curved penis, then it's an easier challenge (as well as being great for anal) as it works with the shape of your mouth," advises Summers.
"Positions on your knees may be aesthetically pleasing, lots of eye contact as you tease and suck, but while you're positioned underneath the cock it'll merely hit the back of your mouth. A position with elevation, i.e. sitting on the edge of the bed, while he stands, makes it much easier to curve the penis into the depth of your throat. Plus, this position gives you the control.
"For a more experienced oral expert, tipping your head and neck off the edge of a bed gives ultimate throat leverage. It's not recommended if your gag reflex is still making a stand (no one wants to throw up), as it really is a male-dominated position and allows your partner to control the speed and depth.
Tips to deep throat like a pro
Here, Engle shares her top tips for people wanting to improve their deep throating game:
Always ask for consent
"If you want someone to deep throat, you always need to ask them to do it — and be willing to graciously accept a no if they're not into it," she warns. "Not everyone wants to deep throat and that is just fine."
Make the noises
Honestly, if you don't want to gag, deep throating is all about smoke and mirrors. "You can always use your hand for shallower insertion and make the gagging noises," says Engle, who explains that noise is a big turn-on.
"It can be fun for both you and your partner to create the 'illusion' of going really deep, without actually doing it. The love of deep throating comes from the idea that your partner's penis is so big you can barely fit it in your mouth — most penises just aren't THAT big, and it's more about ego than anything else. Just have fun with it," she adds.
Train your throat
Did you know that you can actually train the gag reflex to an extent? Engle says you can practice deep throating by trying to calm the gag reflex when objects touch the back part of your throat. "Let them sit there for a few seconds," she recommends, before relaxing and repeating.
While this can take time and patience, if you want to do it, it's possible. "Like all things in sex, deep throating will probably take practice because all sex is a skillset."
You don't have to deep throat for a blowjob to be good
"Deep throating is so popular because we see it all the time in porn," explains Engle. However, even though it may look hot, it's not required in any way to give a great blow job. "You do not have to put it in the back of your throat to get the job done."
Emilie Lavinia is Cosmopolitan UK's Former Sex and Relationships Editor. An accredited Sex Educator and Sexologist, Emilie explores identity, equity and innovations in sex, love, wellness and identity with her writing, broadcasting, coaching and commercial work. Emilie has written for the likes of The Guardian, Stylist, Grazia, Woman & Home, Red and Women's Health. She has appeared in documentaries exploring sex and wellbeing by ITV, Channel 5 and the BBC. Emilie has represented the UK as a United Nations Delegate and is a passionate advocate for women's health, LGBTQ+ rights and sex education and public health policy. She is a representative for Young Women's Trust, United Nations Women and The Porn Conversation and works with a number of charities. She loves big books, Bell Hooks, her infrared sauna and her Pomeranian, Ivy Valentine. She lives in London and can give you a rating out of 10 for every sex toy ever invented. Sign up to Emilie's Substack newsletter The Cuff for spice and advice or follow her on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or her website: emilielavinia.com
Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Former Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance. They have covered sexuality and relationships for over five years and are the founder of the PULP zine, which publishes essays on culture and sex. In their spare time, they can be found exploring the London kink scene and planning dates on Feeld.
