Is your relationship over? Here’s how to know when it’s time to break up

At the beginning of your relationship, their romantic gestures came thick and fast and every little indication of their affection would ignite the flame of excitement in you. But now the honeymoon period is over, your time together is more about lounging in front of the telly rather then romantic meals and walks in the park.

While this doesn’t necessarily suggest that it’s time to call it quits immediately (or at all), it’s worth letting your partner know that you need some more excitement again, even if it’s a case of simply making a date at your local restaurant. If they fail to make the effort, then it’s time to question just how much this relationship means to each of you. If they aren’t interested, then why should you be?

Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation, and unfortunately, can signal the beginning of the end. “Often people tend to start picking fights when they feel a relationship is at its end,” says DeAlto. “They are trying to get their partner to do the dirty work and break it off.”

So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating than cute, it’s worth interrogating why. You might realise it stems from something outside of your relationship that you’re taking out on your partner, or it could be that you are, sadly, kinda sick of them. If it’s the latter, it could be time to think about moving on.

Does the thought of spending more time with your SO than necessary fill you with dread? Being in love should never be a chore or require too much effort. In fact, you should be counting down the days to booking another romantic trip or having that quiet evening you’ve planned together.

So what if you’re not? While you can’t make yourself want to spend time with someone, try doing something you’re both interested in to give your relationship one last shot. If you still want to avoid them afterwards, then it’s probably time to avoid the relationship altogether.

Can you remember the last time you missed your partner? Do you often tell them you love them? Love snuggling up for a cuddle? If these feelings and expressions have become a thing of the past, then your relationship needs a emotional overhaul. If you don’t want to embrace your SO or you wouldn’t miss them if they left, then that’s a sign to start thinking seriously about whether you want to stay in the relationship.

We’re talking about full-on daydreams of your life as a single person, or how you’re going to attract someone new. “If you start daydreaming about other people, imagining your life as a single person, and fantasising about the next person you want to date, your relationship is basically over. You have already started to emotionally detach,” DeAlto says.

So if you find yourself drifting into sweet dreams about everyone other than your partner, you need to question just why that is. Have you fallen out of love? Do they fail to float your boat? Or are they just boring you? Either way, it’s them you should be dreaming about, so you need to rethink if you have a wandering mind.

A spat of words in a relationship is a great way to vent and can actually be healthy — after all, it shows you both still care. If you get to a point, however, when you can no longer resolve the issues and you just fight all the time, you need to think about how you want to continue in the relationship.

If you find you both still have the desire to sort things out, you could be in with a chance of reviving your relationship. If there’s no want, then unfortunately there’s no relationship.

At the beginning of the relationship, you were inseparable. You embarked on endless text convos about what you were up to, had late night phone calls to see how their day had been, and went on spontaneous dates so you could spend even more time together. But if you’re at the point where chatting about these general day-to-day topics no longer interests either of you, it’s time to decide whether you’ve outgrown each another.

“In love, you know your relationship is over when you become completely indifferent to them,” says DeAlto. “If you don’t care what they do, where they go, or whether you even see them, it is time to move on.”

It’s often said that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference, so if you don’t feel anything strong, then the passion has definitely left the building!

This is a more clear-cut reason why your relationship might be suffering. It’s not impossible to get over the fact your partner cheated — many couples do it and can become stronger as a result — but for many people, it’s a tough hurdle to jump.

“Cheating in a relationship is always damaging. There are many factors that come into play when deciding if it’s time to call it quits, but it all comes down to whether you can rebuild the trust,” says DeAlto. “If you cannot forgive and trust them again, it’s better to walk away.”

Try a romantic break to see if you can rekindle some romance and remember why you fell in love. If you still can’t get over a past infidelity, then you need to consider that this breach of trust may just not be something you will ever get over.