There can be a lot to think about before a first date, like where to go, what to wear, and whether they might actually just be a walking ick.
Then, there’s conversation topics. The most nerve-wracking thing about a date is figuring out what you’re going to talk about, especially if you’ve already covered the basics — like your jobs, hobbies, and where you went to uni (a classic trio) — on an app before meeting.
First date convo is also a balance: you don’t want to go too heavy, but you do need to know whether you and this person might actually be compatible — beyond liking the same Netflix shows.
To help you out, we asked three different dating experts to tell us their fave first date questions, so you can get to know your partner without sounding like you’re giving them the third degree.
So if you usually worry about what you’ll talk about, don’t panic. We’ve got you covered with a whole list of great questions to ask, as well as expert commentary about why these questions will help you get to know your date a little better.
1. If you could travel anywhere, right now, where would you go?
“If the answer is ‘nowhere’, you’ve got yourself a hermit. If the question elicits a string of destinations, you’ll discover what excites and appeals to them,” says Elizabeth Kuhnke, author of Body Language: Learn How to Read Others and Communicate with Confidence.
2. What’s something you want to learn/get better at?
“This question would enable you to understand if the person wants to develop or better themselves and how,” says sex and relationship therapist Miranda Christophers. “It might show the person’s interests and aspirations — you can think about whether these align with yours and how you feel about it.”
3. What are you looking for at the moment?
“At Badoo, we’re all about being upfront when it comes to your intentions,” says Remy Le Fèvre, senior director of marketing at dating app Badoo. “Whether you’re actively looking for a partner, or just enjoying getting to know people and making connections, we’d always recommend communicating that from the start. We even have an intentions filter on the app so people can find others who are looking for the same thing.”
4. What’s something I wouldn't guess about you?
“This question has a bit of mischievousness and flirtation about it, and you’re giving your date the freedom to reveal as much, or as little, as they want,” Kuhnke says.
5. What’s your favourite place on Earth?
“This might help you get a glimpse of their lifestyle, as it could indicate the places they want to go on holiday to or how they would like to live,” says Christophers.
6. Tell me something you’ve not told anyone else
“On a first date you want to find a way to bond, so what better way to do that than share a secret with one another?” says Le Fèvre. “It can go in so many different ways depending on what’s on your date’s mind at that time, so it can be a really exciting question and likely cause some laughs — which is always a good way to lighten the mood!”
7. What’s your dream job?
“You’ll find out what motivates and inspires them, while discovering values and character qualities that may (or may not) match yours,” Kuhnke says.
8. What’s something you’re proud of?
“This question can give insight into what is meaningful for them and might demonstrate their values. It’s a chance for you to see their self-awareness, too,” says Christophers.
9. If you didn’t have to work to support yourself, how would you spend your time?
“This tells you about the other person’s values and interests,” says Kuhnke. “If they don’t match yours, better to know now than later on down the road.”
10. What caught your eye about my profile?
“This is a question that gives the other person the perfect opportunity to compliment you — which you can then do in return by saying what you liked about their profile,” says Le Fèvre. “Plus, the conversation will likely lead to other topics. For example, if it’s a shared interest in music you spotted, you can bond over that. Asking in this way is just a more exciting and flirty way of broaching the topic.”
11. Is there anything you don’t eat?
“On a practical note, this could avoid any awkward dinner date moments. However it might also highlight any ethical/cultural/lifestyle differences you might have that you don’t think you would be comfortable with. It could also indicate how adventurous or fussy they are,” Christophers says.
12. What appeals to you most about living here?
“You’ll find out what you have in common, or don’t,” says Kuhnke. “If you find that you do share common interests, you have an arsenal of ideas for future dates.”
13. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
“It’s always good to know if you’re dating a potential superhero,” Christophers jokes. “It gives a glimpse into their inner child and may tell you more about their personality and journey, such as if they went on to do what they aspired to do.”
14. If you could go on holiday with anyone right now, who would you go with?
“This is a good way to discover who is important to them by seeing who they pick, and how they really want to spend their time when the world is their oyster,” says Le Fèvre.
15. Can you tell me about your family?
As per Kuhnke: “How they answer gives you insight into their background, upbringing, and what they value.”
16. Tell me about your friends?
“If you’re looking to enter into a relationship with someone, be advised that you’re also entering into a relationship with their friends,” Kuhnke says. “Plus, being able to talk about other people takes the pressure off of your date.”
17. What are your favourite TV shows?
“People’s interests are reflected in what they like to watch. If they devote hours to watching the news and you only tune in for sports highlights, you’ll find out soon enough if you stand a chance for future dates,” says Kuhnke.
18. If your life were a movie who would play you?
“This is an opportunity to find out how they see themselves, and get a sense of their character traits to see if they appeal to you,” Christophers says.
19. What do you like to read?
“People’s interests and curiosity reveal themselves in their choice of reading material,” says Kuhnke. “Finding out what people like to read reveals their intellectual interests and passions.”
20. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be?
“The answer to this question might reveal more about their personality and motivations/inspirations, plus the qualities they admire,” Christophers says.
21. Who has been the most influential person in your life?
“Discovering who and what that person did that mattered so much reveals the other person’s values, family dynamics, and close relationships with friends,” says Kuhnke.
22. What’s your favourite memory?
“The answers could tell you more about who they are, what is meaningful for them, and what they enjoy,” Christophers says.
23. Do you still keep in touch with childhood friends?
“How your date responds gives you insight into how they value relationships and loyalty,” Kuhnke says.
24. If you could have a superpower what would it be?
“This might tell you more about the way someone thinks and what they desire,” says Christophers. “People’s reactions to curve-ball questions can be really telling — it gives you the chance to see how they respond to you presenting the unexpected. Do they embrace the question or make you feel a little awkward for asking it? Noticing how they make you feel in the way they respond can help you to get a sense of whether you like them.”
25. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
“If you want to discover how flexible, risk-taking, thrill-seeking a person is, this is the question to ask,” Kuhnke says.
26. What would you do if there was zombie apocalypse right now?
“This a fun ice-breaker that might tell you a bit about their sense of humour, creativity, survival skills, or how they would approach challenges,” says Christophers.
27. What were you like as a child?
“Shy? Bashful? Full of beans? This gives you a hint of what kind of person they are today,” according to Kuhnke.
28. Is there anything you’re really passionate about?
This one, says Kuhnke, is “an easy way to find out if the person has strong feelings or is more laid back with milder feelings”.
29. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard/dished out?
“Why waste time with someone who doesn’t enjoy a bit of flirtatious fun? Friendly banter and shared laughter are signs that you see life in a similar way,” Kuhnke says.
Want more? Here’s a quick-fire list of extra first date questions
30. What’s your ideal first date?
31. What’s the last book you read?
32. What’s the last movie you watched?
34. What’s your star sign?
35. If you could be a superhero, who would you be and why?
36. What’s something you’ve done but wouldn’t do again?
37. What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried that turned out to be surprisingly great?
38. What are some of your core values?
39. What are you looking for in a relationship?
40. What topic could you talk about for hours?
41. What’s the most random fact you know?
42. What’s your favourite restaurant/cuisine?
43. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you do?
43. If you had to move to one country, where would it be?
44. What kind of holidays do you prefer? Lazy beach ones or adventure?
45. Do you prefer the outdoors or indoors?
46. What’s the most bizarre dream you’ve ever had?
47. What’s the most embarrassing nickname you’ve ever had?
48. What’s your favourite word?
49. Do you have a hidden talent?
50. Would you rather never go on holiday again or never get your dream job?
51. Are you a night owl?
52. Do you like going to festivals?
53. If so, what’s your dream Glastonbury line up?
54. Oasis or Blur?
55. McFly or Busted?
56. What’s your idea of happiness?
57. If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?
58. If you had three wishes, what would you ask for?
59. What’s your favourite Disney movie?
60. If you could invent one thing right now, what would it be?
61. If you could go back in time and witness a historical event, which one would you choose?
62. If you choose five people, alive or dead, to invite to a dinner party, who would you choose?
63. A cosy pub or a nightclub?
64. Romantic beach stroll or hike through a forest?
65. What’s your favourite season?
66. What’s your idea of a perfect summer?
67. What’s your idea of a perfect Christmas?
68. How do you stay fit?
69. What’s been the highlight of your month?
70. What’s at the top of your bucket list?
71. Would you rather go backpacking around South East Asia or South America?
72. Do you have any pet peeves?
73. What’s important to you in a relationship?
74. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
75. Snog, marry, go around the world with? (Pick three celebs)
76. Do you like reality TV?
77. What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from past relationships?
78. Where do you see yourself in five years?
79. Do you have any family traditions?
80. Would you like to go on a second date?
