How do two people make a relationship work day-after-day for decades, or even forever? What does it take to get through arguments, tough times, and major life changes together? What is the secret to a long-lasting, happy relationship?
When you get into a relationship, you don’t really think about these questions — you probably don’t think about them much, if at all, as your relationship goes on. And yet, those who stay together for years somehow navigate the answers to them everyday.
Of course, there’s no one secret to maintaining a lifelong relationship; it’s about working at it and putting the effort in together. Still, there’s surely some handy tips that can help fledgling lovers (right?!) — and who better to ask than couples who’ve been together for decades?
Ahead of Valentine’s Day, that’s exactly what LifeCare Residences, a luxury retirement community provider, did. The group surveyed their residents aged 60 to 90+ in London and Hampshire to get their opinions on true love, and advice for how to maintain a lasting relationship. Overarchingly, respondents said that communication, kindness, and mutual respect are the key to a happy relationship, rating these factors as five times more important than romantic connection, while 80% said they believe in true love. Aww! <3
So, to get you in the Valentine’s spirit, we’ve rounded up advice from decades-long couples, including some from LifeCare Residences, to find out the secrets behind long-lasting, happy relationships.
13 decades-long couples on their secret to a long-lasting relationship
- “At the heart of everything is trust. It’s important to enjoy each other’s company, share interests, have fun, keep making each other smile, and remember not every disagreement needs to be an argument, and not all need to be won! Never stop talking or holding hands, and continue to kiss with passion!” — Dave and Mandy, together for over 25 years
- “To respect each other and not get into fierce arguments. Remember, hugs and kisses.”
- “A lasting marriage is about choosing love, especially on the difficult days. Life will change you both, so grow together instead of apart. You have to remember that marriage is a partnership — sometimes one carries more, sometimes the other does.” — Frank and Elaine, together for 48 years
- “Talk to each other about things that really matter. Be kind, loving and forgiving.”
- “We never keep malice after an argument. We always take time to talk things over and move on.” — Maureen and Lyle*, together for 36 years
- “Communication and having a few separate interests.”
- “Love is long-term. Looks are irrelevant. Romance and sex [fade]! You must like the other!”
- “Start each day anew. Even if you’ve gone to bed angry, wake up with renewed optimism and love.” — Gillian and Kevin, together for 44 years
- “Find a kindred spirit and a good sense of humour.”
- “Make time for intimacy — life gets busy but your partner needs to feel attractive, wanted, and close to you.” — Aylene and Ricky, together for 12 years
- “To be able to do things together by having similar interests, but also have time apart to do separate activities. No need to live in each other’s pockets. Also… to be able to ignore the mess he makes!”
- “Talk through any difficulties and make sure you have time for yourself.”
- “Maintaining a sense of humour, laughing together, being best friends, and enjoying each other’s company. Having your own ‘me-time’ and interests as well as those together. Separate bathrooms is always a bonus!” — Sally and Derek, together for 42 years
*Names have been changed
