In the last decade or so, a new dating lexicon has entered the mainstream. There’s now a whole language for specific dating wins and sins. You’re not just excited to be dating someone new, for example, you actually have New Relationship Energy. If someone has different beliefs from what they said on their dating profile, or if they don’t look like their photos, they’ve probably ‘wokefished’ or ‘catfished’ you. When someone doesn’t like you enough to commit but wants to keep you around, they might ‘zombie’, ‘orbit’, ‘breadcrumb’, ‘bench’, or ‘pocket’ you… the possibilities are endless!
Many of these dating terms were born with social media and dating apps, but some describe feelings, behaviours, and actions that have existed since the dawn of time. Among the latter are, arguably, ‘icks’ and ‘non-negotiables’. Although our forefathers probs didn’t refer to suddenly feeling repulsed by a romantic partner as ‘getting the ick’, this definitely didn’t just start happening. Your Stone Age BF trying to spear a fish only to miss and fall into the water? Ick, sorry! Same with ‘non-negotiables’ — you wouldn’t just date any old loser in the past, but you wouldn’t necessarily have a conscious list of traits to avoid (although what do I know… I am but a 21st century girl).
Anyway, the point is: people have ‘icks’ and ‘non-negotiables’ these days, and so, as part of our recent dating survey — in which we asked 250 single men how their dating lives are going — we thought we’d find out what kind of things men don’t want in a partner. Although, let’s face it, having an ick about a woman is an ick in itself. I don’t make the rules.
If you want to hear more men’s dating opinions — on everything from apps to ghosting to misconceptions — you can find them here, here, and here. And you can read our full report here. In the meantime, read on to find out what turns men off when it comes to dating.
What are men’s ‘icks’ and ‘non-negotiables’?
- “‘Men are trash’ girls.”
- “Expecting sex on the first date. Maybe I’m an anomaly, but that’s not my initial desire when meeting someone — it’s actually to connect and build a bond first.”
- “Being overly interested in my financial situation.”
- “They must like cats.”
- “‘Roast, coffee, hike on Sunday’ bot-like presentation of their personality.”
- “I don’t like smokers, heavy drinkers, or women who are younger than me.”
- “I’m quite open-minded to different views and behaviours. I think just being courteous to service staff, being polite, and generally optimistic are all things I’d say are non-negotiable.”
- “Must not like tickling people. I hate being tickled and it’s a massive no no.”
- “People who are constantly out drinking, really self-serious people, right wing, anti-gay/anti-trans/anti-immigrant.”
- “Must be child-free and doesn’t want kids.”
- “Pics being fake, not keeping active, using boundaries as a controlling mechanism.”
- “Use of the word ‘ick’.”
- “[If they’re] still attached to someone else, and not in the right headspace.”
- “I don’t think I would date someone who referred to themselves as an ‘influencer’.”
- “Being a slow texter is dreadful — everyone always has their phone all the time. There are very few reasons why it would take you a day to reply to me. I’m just going to assume you’re not interested.”
- “Party girls only out for themselves.”
- “If they are rude to people.”
- “If they’re only looking for [a casual relationship].”
- “A lack of ability to take care of oneself.”
- “Texting all the time is a massive turn-off. Being a heavy social media user is a dealbreaker. Going out drinking regularly is a dealbreaker. Not having any hobbies or interests she spends her time on is a dealbreaker.”
- “If apres ski is obviously a big part of their life.”
- “Racism, far right politics. Ugly beliefs make ugly people.”
- “When making conversations, if they don’t ask questions back.”
- “I vainly believe myself to be capable of loving anyone on earth so I have no disqualifiers, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I actually did.”
- “Be good company — don’t expect me to ‘apply’ for a ‘vacant position’ or to just convince and entertain you; be an active part of the conversation.”
- “They must be a gentle person and understanding towards other living beings.”
- “Being too serious or self-important.”
