Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, or so the old adage (i.e. a 90s self-help book) goes. And, although you might have hoped we’d moved past this simplistic, gender essentialist thinking by now, this idea — that men and women are fundamentally different — has been re-popularised in recent years, finding a new home among Gen Zers on TikTok.
This, partly spurred by manosphere rhetoric and rising levels of loneliness, has led to a chasm opening between young men and women, who are increasingly unable to see eye-to-eye — and inclined to blame each other for the divide. And this split is rarely more glaring than in the dating world.
Depending on who you ask (or what your TL looks like), men are either narcissistic gaslighters or creepy incels, while women are shallow, promiscuous gold diggers or frigid feminists. And, god forbid you’re attempting to romance someone of the opposite sex, there’s a bunch of things you need to know about first: like, ‘80% of women only want to date 20% of men’, and beware ‘broke man propaganda’ — men must pay on dates.
Obvi none of these stereotypes or bullshit rules are true — and yet it’s hard to convince the men and women who believe them of that fact. So, as part of our recent dating survey, in which we interviewed over 250 men, we thought we’d include a question about these misconceptions. And, because we couldn’t include everything they said in our full report — and because a lot of it is pretty juicy — we thought we’d share some of their responses below.
Without further ado, then, this is what men today think women get wrong about them, and what they wish we knew instead.
What men think women get wrong about them
- “We don’t help ourselves by being totally and utterly ignorant and useless as a gender (and worse, in a lot of cases). But we do have a voice too and I think a lot of men’s behaviour stems from feelings of inadequacy. We just don’t… channel it as we should.”
- “It seems like men are always portrayed as some kind of creepy aggressor. I know that is the case with too many men, but it makes people like me feel too worried about talking to women in case we get thought of the same way.”
- “Men are portrayed as shallow, poor listeners, unable to hold space, and with less nuance than modern women. People assume men don’t need to emotionally bond with a woman to be turned on, but that’s very important to me.”
- “We’re just soft at heart.”
- “Supposedly all men want is sex. I’m a 35-year-old man with friends around this age. Most of us would like to settle down and have families but nobody seems able to find a [suitable partner].”
- “It often feels like women project other experiences with men onto you and expect you to be like them.”
- “That we like to make the first move.”
- “Men are often criticised by women for poor communication, but in many cases it is about a difference in preferred communication approach, where both sides need to understand the other for effective communication.”
- “We have layers. We’re not looking for mums or therapists. We’re looking for connection. We’re just terrible at and embarrassed by trying to articulate it.”
- “That men aren’t romantic/don’t yearn for connection.”
- “Not all men are just looking for sex. Men want cuddles, quality time, and love too.”
- “I will always be worried about what you think of me.”
- “Men are generally more sensitive than we allow ourselves to be seen as. I think women can think we’re heartless and purely ‘rational’ beings, seeing things in black and white. While that may be the case for a lot of us, I think that it is only surface level. Scratch the surface and make men feel valued (if they deserve it) and safe to be vulnerable, and they’ll open up.”
- “That we are all the same as their ex’s.”
- “We’re not all boring. Some of us are actually able to ask questions and get to know people.”
- “A lot of the problematic behaviours men display in the dating scene come from the trouble most men find getting dates. Many men are simply desperate for attention/affection and don’t see how that desperation is making them behave badly.”
- “It’s hard to understand how we feel and think, just like we find it hard to understand women completely.”
- “Most men are just as nervous and anxious as women when it comes to dating or approaching.”
- “That there is a homogenous way of operating being/that stereotypes fit everyone. There are lots of men who are looking for love, security, and trust. What women do get right, though, is our inability to communicate things well, and that’s where the problems start to unravel.”
- “We work harder when we have a goal set by a woman. It’s a team game.”
- “We are not all the same. Some of us know how to talk to and treat a woman, respect the hell out of you, and see what strong beings you are. But we know you’re not perfect and know we’re not either. Don’t make assumptions, and treat us how you’d like to be [treated]. At the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be loved and find that person who sets our heart on fire?”
- “Income and height are not related to a person’s worth.”
