The weather is turning. Skirts are being swapped for trousers; baby tees for jumpers; and situationships for boyfriends/girlfriends/partners. Yep, whether you like it or not, cuffing season is here — and that can only mean one thing: your dating life is about to pop TF off. Or at least, that’s the hope.
For the newly single, extremely offline, or otherwise uninitiated, cuffing season is the time of the year when everyone suddenly wants to get ‘cuffed’ — AKA find a partner to spend the colder months with. Gone is the spring/summer desire to be single and slutty, and in comes the autumn/winter urge to find a suitable mate to hibernate with. And, after a particularly long, hot summer, we’d guess a lot of people are especially horny for some commitment right now.
Sound like you? You’re not alone! According to new Tinder stats, singles actually date with more intention during cuffing season. On average, conversations on the app are 18% longer during this time of year than in the spring, while daily messages rise 9%. And people are looking for more than just flings, with 46% setting their profile ‘Relationship Goal’ to long-term relationship, as opposed to 22% who say they’re looking for a short-term connection.
It’s a similar situation on Hinge, whose new survey reveals that the most desirable partner (for 72% of women of all sexualities) this cuffing season is the planner. A little effort, then, goes a long way, especially this time of the year, when people are looking for partners they can — at least temporarily — settle down with.
So, to equip you with the best chance of bagging yourself a lover this autumn, we asked the dating app experts why it’s important to date with intention, how to set your dating goals (and stick to them), and for their top dating tips to keep in mind this cuffing season.
How to set your dating intentions
Before you can even think about getting cuffed, you have to know what you actually want from your romantic life — in this season and beyond (as the saying goes, a lover is for life not just for cuffing season). So, let’s say you’re after a long-term commitment, you need to first figure out what you want that to look like. What traits matter to you in a partner? What future do you imagine for yourself and a partner? What are your non-negotiables? Once you’ve figured all this out, you can tailor your dating experience around it. More intention = less time wasted (and less dating burnout!).
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“Dating intentionally gives you clarity and peace of mind,” agrees Paul Brunson, Tinder’s global dating expert. “On Tinder, that might mean setting up your profile to reflect what you truly want, or setting yourself a time limit on swiping so you don’t experience swipe fatigue.”
In cuffing season especially, Brunson says “intentionality will help you cut through the pressure to ‘just find someone’”. And, he adds: “Once the season passes, you can carry those same habits with you as you continue your dating journey. When you lead with honesty and authenticity, you’re more likely to build connections that last.”
Okay, okay, I hear you cry, you’ve persuaded me to date with intention — now how do I figure out what I want? And, more importantly, what I need?
We’re glad you asked! “Take the time to reflect on your own values, your past dating patterns, and the values you desire in a partner,” says Moe Ari Brown, Hinge’s love and connection expert. “Once you’ve done this, start to explore how you want to feel in your next relationship and what energy you wish to bring to dating. Go beyond who you think you should want, and consider what actually works for you.”
Here’s Brown’s helpful top tips:
- Decide how you want to show up: Setting intentions isn’t just about the other person — it’s also about how you want to show up to your dates. Do you want to be more transparent and vulnerable? Do you want to be on time? Do you want to listen deeply and go outside of your comfort zone? Whatever energy you want to cultivate internally, that should be a primary part of your dating intentions, in addition to the kind of person you’re looking to date.
- Write your intentions down/commit them out loud: This could be journaling, sharing with a friend, stating them in your dating profile, or creating a small ritual. Putting your intentions into words helps you to understand them more clearly and it will serve as a great way to keep track of them over time. You’re more likely to act from your dating intentions if you can see and revisit them.
- Set boundaries and non-negotiables: Knowing what is and is not aligned for you helps you stay aligned with your dating goals. Clarity in your boundaries signals to others what ‘less than effort’ looks like so you can recognise when someone isn’t meeting your baseline standards.
- Decide what ‘effort’ looks like to you: Effort is resonating so strongly right now because people are looking for clear signals of intentionality. Effort looks different to everyone. For one person, it’s consistent communication, and for another, it’s thoughtful date planning. I encourage you to bring clarity to your dates by being clear about what it means to date you with effort and intention. Without clarity, dating can get confusing. The person you’re dating will generally be grateful for the clarity on how to really meet you where you are.
How to express what you want
Most dating apps these days offer the opportunity to say on your profile what kind of relationship or commitment you’re looking for, so that’s a good place to start to give potential matches an idea of your dating goals. In fact, Hinge data shows that 83% of millennials and 75% of Gen Z check someone’s dating intentions in their profile before they even like them.
But, if you’re serious about cuffing up, you might want to drop some hints in the rest of your profile, too. “Think of your profile as your introduction,” advises Brunson. “Use your bio and prompts on Tinder to share what excites you, whether that’s, ‘Looking for someone to join me on winter adventures’, or, ‘Here for something long-term’. That way, before you even match, people have a sense of your vibe. In conversation, keep it light but intentional: ask fun questions like, ‘What are you looking forward to most right now?’. It’s playful but also tells you about someone’s outlook and priorities.”
Brown agrees that you should be upfront early about what you’re looking for, whether that’s on your profile or in early conversations. “Back it up by communicating consistently, making plans you actually follow through on, and being present in conversations,” he says. “Hinge research shows that 60% of heterosexual men say planning consistent dates is important, highlighting how meaningful follow-through is. Similarly, 72% of women prioritise a partner putting in effort over having a higher income. Even small actions, like remembering details someone has shared, signal care.”
How to be successful in love this cuffing season
First of all, Brunson says, “forget about the pressure of the season”. “Try not to go into a first date with the intention of locking anything down. The real goal should be enjoying the process of meeting someone new. Choose something that feels fun and comfortable for you. If you’re still feeling nervous you could take a friend — Tinder’s ‘Double Date’ feature lets you and a friend match with another pair, keeping things social and low-pressure for a first meet-up.”
And, finally, here’s Brunson’s essential tips for locking a relationship down this winter:
- Be true to what you want: We’re all busy in the end-of-year rush, but cuffing season is a good time to reflect on your dating journey so far and consider what it is you’re potentially looking for in a partner. If what you’re looking for is a long-term relationship, own it! Don’t be afraid to tell potential matches what you want — be authentic to yourself. Honesty really is the best policy.
- Activity dates are in: Just because it’s cold and dark doesn’t mean you can’t go out and do something fun with a potential match. So whether it’s a long winter’s walk with a hot chocolate, a session on the ice rink, or a cooking lesson to brush up on your culinary skills, go on the date with your new flame and make memories that could be the foundation of a great connection.
- Love yourself first: Cuffing season can be a challenging time for many when you see your friends doing romantic activities with their significant others. But my biggest piece of advice would be not to rush just because everyone else is seemingly finding success in love. Everyone is on their own dating journey, so take that pressure off and do what feels right for you, when it feels right for you.
